Sense Of Self
by Littlechoo
Summary: Pre-Twilight AU A&J. When Alice finds herself in an asylum for the insane, she figures it's the worse it can get. But danger lurks in every corner. Can a new friend help her find her sense of self, or will life at Danvers have consequences for everyone?
1. Prologue: White Noise

**A/N _A huge "Thank You" goes to my Beta MissAlex. She makes my story readable. She's also the author of Rebel Without A Cause - link in my favourites._**

**_And also, a special thanks goes to my reader Larin20_**

**I own not a drop. **

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**Prologue:**

**White Noise**

_I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my eyes and all is born again_

_~ Sylvia Plath_

**_Alice_**

_I am lying perfectly still on the cold table as metal plates are placed on either side of my head and a strap is positioned uncomfortably across my forehead._

_"Bite down, Alice. You know the drill." The nurse's voice is raspy and mean._

_I look up at the nurse with frightened eyes. _

_"Ready." The nurse nods to someone I cannot see._

_I hear the click of a button then everything turns white around me as a sharp agonizing pain shoots throughout my entire body, from the top of my head down to the tips of my toes._

_Every part of me stiffens as my mind explodes, causing my eyes bulge and my jaw to clamp shut. I taste the warm, metallic blood as it oozes from the side of my tongue. My knuckles whiten as I grip the sides of the bed. Fear and bile burns my throat as I lie there, paralysed._

_Then, just as quickly as it started, it stops. I don't fully understand what is going on around me because I feel confused and frightened._

_Then I hear the click again, and the sharp stabbing pain fills me once more. My blood feels alive as the electricity surges throughout my body. I cannot do anything but shake and bite down on the rubber tubing in my mouth. If I could think clearly at this precise moment, I would surely wish I could die._

_My body relaxes as the current lessens and then slowly comes to a complete stop._

_My hands grip the cold, steel rail underneath the straps as I try to wiggle my feet. The ankle ties rub on the sores that are open and raw._

Then, like the changing of television channel, the picture suddenly shifts.

I was now back in my room, in my bed.

_I open one eye. The light hurts, but I try to open the other. A pain shoots through my temples so I reluctantly close both eyes again, and lay silently in between the cold sheets. I force myself to remain motionless._

_"Jazz?" My voice is barely more than a whisper. My throat is dry and sore and I have trouble moving my head. My eyelids are heavy and I feel my mind slipping back into unconscious, but I use all my might to try and stay awake._

_"Jazz?" a strange voice replies. My eyes fly open. "Oh, Jazz couldn't come today so I came instead. However, he did tell me to say hello."_

_"What?" I murmur. I am still slightly groggy and confused, but I try to keep my eyes open long enough to focus on the shadowy figure perched on the edge of my bed._

_Suddenly, a menacing laugh fills the room. It hurts my ears, and I silently beg it to stop, but it does not cease. I force my eyes to stay open and focus. Finally, I see him._

_James! _

My body jerked forward and I clutched my head between my hands. I squeezed my eyes shut as a hot searing pains shot through my brain. All I could see was static. The white noise echoed loudly in my ears. I pressed my palms into my eye sockets, trying desperately to ease the pain.

It was then that I knew what it was.

A vision.

And I knew that what I saw would happen soon.

It was my first clear, readable vision since I'd been here. That sudden realisation hit me like a lightening bolt and blind terror took control of my every nerve.

_Jasper, help me! I need you._

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**A/N **

_**This story is the product of many things. Most notably, the one shot I wrote called White Noise. From there it kinda snowballed into this you're about to read. It was once a different story, that's now changed but the setting hasn't. My chapters are short, I don't think any of them will ever reach 3k - it's just the way I write. I have 20 chapters outlined. But the first 4 chapter have turned into 6 so it may pass 20 - Meh we'll see. And yes I do know there are other Asylum stories out there, I found about 5 when I research it. I purposely haven't read them as I feared they would give me writers block :| Maybe I will once SOS is finished.**_

**_The story takes place pre Twilight, and is set between 1948 - 1950. Feel free to PM me any questions you may have._**

_**Danvers is a real place. It was once a magnificent structure, now it's been destroyed and condos replace it :( - Don't even get me started. If you would like to know more about it visit:**_

_**www[dot]danversstateinsaneasylum[dot]com - they have some fantastic photos.**_

**_This is my first chapter story. If it's codswallop tell me how I can make it better. Constructive criticism helps me learn. Thanks for reading :)_**


	2. Relocation

**A/N _This story wouldn't be possible without my fantastic beta MissAlex and a special thank you to my pre-reader Larin20 - Thanks BB's_**

**_I would also like to thank Project Team Beta for dealing with my edits, and alchemilla mollis‏ for her help and support with re-writing this chapter._**

**I own not a drop**

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**Chapter one: Relocation**

_Wherever I sat - on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok - I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air._

_- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar_

_Three days._

I could keep a friend for exactly three day.

I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling wallowing in my own self pity, letting the memories flood my mind. My half filled suitcase was on the floor waiting patiently for me to finish packing. I stared at my school year book. Familiar faces of strangers looked back at me. I remembered them all, but I doubted any of them would remember me.

I hadn't always known that I was different. Until I was six I thought everybody could see what was going to happen before it actually did. It puzzled me because I knew I looked and dressed the same as everyone else. Okay, I was smaller than most girls I knew, but surely that was no reason not to be my friend.

By the end of my primary years I had befriended almost every child in my school at some time or another. But it only took me three days to lose them all.

I continued to thumb the black and white images on the page.

I didn't have any problem _making_ friends. It was keeping them that was the problem. It would take them only three days to realize that I was different; they would start to ignore me or steer clear of my path.

I would tell them things they couldn't always understand, things _I _couldn't always understand. The fatal blow to any budding friendship was an episode.

A vision.

Depending on the severity of the vision I'd either faze out — my eyes unfocused and vacant — or I'd fall to the ground and thrash about. They'd panic and run. Worse was when they'd stay and point with a mixture of horror and laughter.

I stopped at Lucy's smiling face. She was kinder and prettier than most. Before she stopped calling and answering her door, she gave me a friendship bracelet.

"I'll miss you Alice" she'd whispered, holding the plastic multicoloured bracelet in her hand. "Say you'll never forget me?" She sniffed as she hooped it onto my wrist. It felt tight, comforting almost.

A lone tear rolled down my face as I recalled the last day of our friendship, sighing as I slid my arm around my waist, bringing my knees to meet my chest.

The stigma attached with being my friend was too much for a child to cope with. It was self-preservation.

So I learned to make the most of my three-day friendships. It became a game to me, to see which friends I could keep, and how long I could keep them. I would neatly write their names in my note book and tick off the days. My enthusiasm knew no bounds, but after awhile it became predictable.

I would take them to play at the park, giggle about boys, and we'd hang around each other's houses. Parents liked having Father Brandon's daughter stay over. I could see it in their smiles and freshly baked goods. In those three days, I would be happy and content, but a black cloud would always hover in the background, threatening to move in.

But I wouldn't allow it to affect me. I would carry on as though everything was fine, and try as hard as I could to maintain my friendship, as if this time, by some miracle, things would be different. It never was, but I learned not to let it get me down. I forced myself to move on and I'd jump into my next friendship with gusto.

"Are you packed dear?" my mother's voice called up the stairs. How I would miss my mother's calm and soothing voice. I made no effort to reply, but with my free hand I turned a few more pages. The rest of the book is blank. This was my last yearbook. That was my last year at school.

After Junior High finished and I was to start Middle School, my parents decided that I should be home-schooled. After all their trips in to see the headmaster and the letters home I don't blame them. The school was never equipped to deal or support someone like me even if they wanted the hassle. So to be home-schooled seemed the only way. My father, Henry, was the local pastor so he took over my religious education while my mother, Catherine, took over the rest.

I remained in my house all day under my parents' watchful eye. I loved my parents but the thought of them as my only company, my only link to the outside world, terrified me. This also meant I had no more opportunities to make friends.

It didn't take long for my visions to affect my relationship with my parents just like it did with my schoolmates.

My parents realized pretty soon that the situation was getting worse. They knew about the mini-episodes, but not how often or how severe they had become. During puberty, my visions became more frequent, longer, extremely painful, and were usually followed by a deep depression that I had difficulty getting out of.

My visions ended up consuming most of the day – sometimes two. It started with the actual vision itself, followed by a migraine, and, last of all, the depression. Mother found it increasingly impossible to educate me, as a lot of my time was spent in bed or bruising my knees in prayer. Mother fiddled with the cross around her neck constantly and placed her rosary beads in my hands every night.

So they took action. I had psychiatrist appointments to keep, a dream diary to write in and a silly hat to wear. They desperately tried to 'cure' me and I loved them for that. They didn't run away and give up on me like my three-day friends had. Well, at least not at first. After the doctor mentioned hallucinations and schizophrenia, they decided they had to do something drastic.

While I hid on the stairs, my parents had a conversation about me. They'd said they couldn't cope any longer, and that prayers were no good. God had abandoned them.

They'd later appeared before me at the bottom of the stairs, shoulder to shoulder, united against me. My mother, dressed all in blue with a stone look on her face, and my father in his dog collar, his jaw clenched.

"Pack a case, Alice," was all he said.

I ran to my room, tears were blinding me but with seventeen years of practice I could get to my room with my eyes closed.

Now, I had to finish what I had started not ten minutes ago. I closed the book and placed it back on my night stand. I won't need that where I was going, I thought nervously.

Gathering my essentials, I tried to packed light, but not knowing where I was going was unsettling. I felt nauseous and on edge. But throughout all this I tried to remember that they were doing this because they loved me.

I was truly sorry I was such a burden to them. I knew they tried desperately to have a child for many years before I came along and now I had failed them by having my _disturbances_.

Sighing heavily as I closed the lid, I made my way to join them in the living room. I sat down and faced my parents, my case placed on the floor dividing us.

Father told me he was driving me to Massachusetts. I'd never been to New England before, although I'd heard plenty about the beautiful trees that lined the streets, and the crisp ocean air. I wondered if it would all look and smell as beautiful once I was all alone, and whether I would be able to see the ocean from where I stayed. I was distracting myself, I knew that.

My mother kissed both my cheeks and grabbing both my hands, she placed her beloved Rosary beads in my upturned palms. She looked at me, her eyes watering

"Always remember that we love you, my dear, dear Alice."

I blindly turned away, my lip quivering.

During the north-easterly journey, my father told me that I was going to be staying at a hospital that specialized in patients with "mental handicaps". The shock caught my breath and I blew it out slowly through my nose. My hands trembled, so I played with my fingers to keep them still.

"You never know, Alice, you may make lots of new friends. There will be a lot of girls there just like you," he said

I turned my head towards the window, looking for a distraction so I wouldn't feel angry at him for his flippant remark, and sending me away. I didn't need a vision to know that wouldn't do me any good at all.

My father has always found it hard to empathise with my feelings. He's a good father, just unthinking at times.

I sighed and like a good daughter should and turned to him, hiding my anger behind a tight lipped smile.

"Yes, Father, I'm sure I will make plenty of new friends."

With that, I turned my head and returned to the world outside the car window once again.

Two long days later -- which included a stop-over in a rather rundown motel-- we drove through the large rusted iron gates of the hospital, and followed a long narrow drive lined with tall green trees. The entire way I fiddled with my hands.

As the car slowed to a crawl, a hand cupped mine and held them still. I couldn't look up. My brief annoyance at my father had disappeared long ago and now I was filled with something else entirely.

Sadness.

So I didn't look, I just kept my hands still with the weight of my father's guilt holding them down.

My so-called salvation sat high upon a hill surrounded by woodland. Trees obscured the facility but I still felt its presence looming ahead of me. I scanned the area. It was completely isolated – I'd found our common thread. I just hoped that it wasn't the type of tie that binds forever.

My mouth hung open as we came to a stop outside the main building. It looked like a gigantic, gothic castle, and not a friendly one at that. I shivered as I climbed out the car, thankful to be free from my seat, but terrified of what lay ahead.

My father stepped out and retrieved my case from the trunk. He looked at me and I smiled back as butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I looked up at the hospital and shuddered.

This was my home now.

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**A/N: _From now on I will be posting every Sunday :) Thank you to those of you who took the time to review - you made me squee! _**


	3. Dante's Inferno

**A/N _Okay, I lied :) After the FF fail last weekend I just want to get this posted. Hope you like it. _**

**_I do not own it, it is not mine._**

**Chapter Two:**

**Dante's Inferno**

_"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am I am I am."_

_- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar_

I lost half an inch of stature as I walked through the huge, wooden doors of Danvers State Insane Asylum. It wore its shiny, bronze nameplate like a badge of merit, something to be proud of. I hung back, not wanting to move forward, but knowing that I must.

_I am Alice Brandon. I am Alice Brandon. I am Alice Brandon._

I repeated my name in my mind like a mantra. It echoed around my head and I vowed that this place would never take my identity from me, that is, if there was anything left of me in the end. I knew I was broken and needed repair, but I just hoped that this was the best place for that difficult task.

We walked towards the red bricked building and climbed up the front steps together, my father and I, as a family. I sensed my mother's calming presence as I rubbed her ruby red rosary beads between my fingers in my pocket. My father's slow heavy steps spoke of his reluctance to leave me here. He opened the door and held it open for me to enter before him.

The main reception room was a large, spacious area which smelled of fresh flowers. There was a pine desk which rested on a large, dark blue rug in the centre of the room, attended by a lady dressed all in white who typed furiously on her typewriter. My father coughed as he closed the door.

"Oh, hello, I'm so sorry I didn't hear you enter." She looked up and made eye contact with my father. "I assume you're Mr. Brandon and this is your daughter Alice, correct?." She nodded in my direction but had yet to look me in the eye, and her tone when she spoke of me wasn't exactly welcoming.

She pushed her silver rimmed glasses high up on her long nose and stared at my father with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Yes, quite correct, Nurse..?"

"Actually Mr. Brandon, it's Sister, if you please."

My father puffed out his chest and folded his arms across his chest."In that case call me Father. I am a Priest."

She didn't look impressed, even if they were made from the same cloth.

"Please, both of you take a seat. I will be with you shortly," she said as she resumed typing.

I stood perfectly still, having yet to be acknowledged. My eyes slowly scanned the room as I took in my surroundings.

For the first time since I walked through the door, I noticed that the three of us were not the only people in the room. A girl about my age sat next to me wearing a deep red cardigan over her thin frame. Her damp brown hair clung to her pale, narrow face and she smelled of lavender and fresh soap.

Briefly, I wondered if I smelled as nice. I sniffed the back of my hand and smelled nothing. I had no lingering scent on my skin. Slowly, I moved my nose towards my elbow, breathing in deeply as I went, and still, nothing. I looked up, suddenly conscious of what I was doing, and found the girl staring at me, her face void of all emotion.

Quickly, I placed my hands on my lap as my cheeks burned from embarrassment. The corners of my lips curled skyward in a subtle hello to this mystery girl, but she didn't respond. She just blinked twice and looked away, her eyes vacant. She'd just achieved the highly coveted status of being the second person in this place to refuse to acknowledge my presence.

I felt hot and lightheaded as my father turned to face me. He said something to me but his voice sounded distant and muffled. I cocked my head to the right, straining my ears, but I still couldn't hear his words clearly. So I leaned into him a bit, but still, I heard nothing. An eerie silence enveloped the room.

Mesmerized by his lips as they moved, it took me a moment to realize that he was telling me. He was saying he was ready to leave and return to my mother. I desperately wanted to leave too so I tried to tell him so, but my brain wouldn't co-operate. I couldn't speak. Instead, my head started to ache and my body felt heavy.

He placed a hand on my shoulder, snapping me out of the silence that shrouded my brain. The sounds in the room came crashing down around me all at once, hitting me with the force of a tidal wave. My father's voice dominated all the other noises and I looked at him intently as he told me that he loved me and that he'd never give up on me.

Tears gathered in my eyes, blurring my vision. I felt his gentle palms cup my face and I leaned into them. It was then that I believed him. It was in that very moment that I believed everything was going to be alright and that I would survive this.

He stood up from his seat, bringing me up with him, one hand on my arm, the other still on my face. His eyes locked with mine. We were father and daughter. We needed no words to understand what the other was thinking at this moment.

He rubbed my arm, kissed my cheek and then squeezed my hand. All too quickly, he was out the door. It slammed shut behind him, causing the nurse to look up from her typewriter. The welcoming smile she had for my father, the one that hadn't reached her eyes, had disappeared from her face. She picked up the phone, still failing to acknowledge my presence.

The room suddenly felt cold and I shivered as I sank down in my seat.

My mantra swirled around my head.

_I am Alice Brandon. I am Alice. I am..._

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	4. Like a Moth to a Flame

**********A/N ************_Thanks again to my amazing Beta the marvelous MissAlex, the author of Rebel Without a Cause - link on my favorites. And not forgetting my pre reader Larin20 :) _**

**********_24.9.09 -This chapter has been re-written with the help of alchemilla mollis and my PTB beta's Emmettgirl1 and Vespaa - thanks my lovelies :)_**

**********_I own nothing, nothing I say._**

**********_Enjoy :)_**

**Chapter Three:**

**Like a moth to a Flame**

_Those who'll play with cats must expect to be scratched._

_~ Miguel de Cervantes_

**_Alice_**

I sat and I waited.

I didn't know what I was waiting for, but I waited.

The girl in the red cardigan sitting beside me still didn't acknowledge my presence.

After a few minutes, the nurse placed the telephone receiver back in the cradle and peered at me over her glasses, tapping a pencil lightly on her desk.

Her impatience was blatantly obvious.

"Alice, when was your last episode?" she asked, putting emphasis on the last word, studying my face intently.

I coughed, uneasy about answering. I felt my face flush and I quickly looked to the ground, but noticing my scuffed shoes I looked up again, moving my feet further under my seat. I swiftly tried to find something else to rest my eyes on, anywhere but the nurse — all knowing and all judging. I peeked at the girl from behind my hair. She wasn't looking; I was glad.

The nurse's eyes bore into me until I had no choice to look at her.

"Um...I think it was about two days ago," I muttered, desperately hoping the girl in the red cardigan paid no attention to this exchange of words.

Nobody had ever asked me that before. Well, not in such a direct manner, anyway. It felt strange to say it out loud. I wasn't used to people brushing it out from under the carpet. Usually my condition was swept under the rug.

"When we should expect one from you soon, shouldn't we?" she abruptly replied as she stopped tapping her pencil and wrote my answer on a clipboard, one eyebrow cocked, and her mouth curled into a sneer.

A small gasp escaped my lips as I stared at her blankly.

"We have a lot of rules here and I expect you to follow them down to the letter. But if your father is any indication of how you conduct yourself, then I assume he raised you right and that you are a good girl. So I'm sure you won't be a problem." Her white hat, which was perched high on her head, bobbed up and down as she spoke, and I was careful to nod my head in all the right places.

Suddenly, the small door to my left opened and in the doorway stood the most exquisite man I had ever seen. He was dressed all in white, his short sleeved shirt showing off his muscular arms and pale olive skin. His beautiful black hair was long, super glossy and tied at the base of his skull, the tail draped forward over his left shoulder. His eyes were almost black and they were as mesmerising as deep, muddy whirlpools.

My breath caught in my throat as he strode across the room confidently, looking right at me. I blushed, embarrassed as I became aware he'd caught me staring. Briefly, I glanced over at the girl next to me and was shocked by the expression on her face. Up until this point she'd been completely void of emotion, but now her eyes were wide and she looked was another look, something hidden behind her soulless windows.

The nurse called my name and my head snapped in her direction, away from the mysterious girl with the desperate eyes.

I quickly stood up.

"Alice, this is Laurent. He will be your assigned aid during your stay here at Danvers. You will direct all your questions regarding your confinement to him. I expect you to be courteous to Laurent at all times, do you understand?"

"Yes, Sister," I stuttered, blushing from the mortification of being spoken to like a child in front of such a handsome man. I fiddled with the hem of my top, nervously twirling a loose thread around my finger, as he walked over to where I stood.

"Hello, Alice," he said in a soft, musical voice. He had the slightest hint of an accent which I couldn't place.

"Er...hello, um...lovely to meet you," I stammered, releasing the thread and offering him my hand. He looked at it hovering in the air between us and then let out a soft, enchanting laugh as he gripped it. His hand felt cool and smooth and his touch sent shivers down my spine.

His eyes bore into mine, even after he dropped my hand from his. His stare was like quick sand, dragging me under, and I panicked. He made me feel so uneasy that I had to look away.

"Laurent, please get Alice something to eat. I am sure she's hungry after such a long journey," the nurse instructed, momentarily distracting me from his captivating eyes.

Laurent straightened his back and a look of distaste flashed across his face. I blinked once and when I looked again, his expression had changed to one that oozed charm and enchantment. He beamed from ear to ear, displaying his perfect, glistening white teeth. I was enthralled by this exchange, and while the nurse kept her cool exterior, her composure changed subtly.

Strange.

"Certainly, Sister, whatever you wish. Come, Alice, let me show you around this old place and I'll make sure you get something to eat." He placed a cold hand on my shoulder which made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end as he led me towards the door.

Again, I tried to place his accent, but couldn't.

"Thank you, that would be lovely, Laurent." I smiled graciously, trying to shake the uneasiness I felt from his touch. For the first time since he showed up, I could smell him. His scent was a mix of vanilla and cinnamon and I leaned in closer, closed my eyes, and inhaled deeply, trying to send as much of it into my lungs as possible. He smelled...delicious.

My personal aid took me through a door different from the one my father and I had come in through. The difference was stark. If the reception room was light and airy, where I was being led now was the complete opposite. My heart sank even lower.

We walked along a wide but gloomy, windowless corridor which was once upon a time painted pale cream, with a thick maroon skirting running along the length of it. The paint was peeling in patches upon the damp and dirty walls; the skirting was chipped and scuffed.

I looked up to the ceiling and could just make out that the light fixtures and ceiling was covered in mildew and water stains. I wrinkled my nose and sniffed the air around me; I was reminded of my mother's old tweed coat that had hung unworn for years in the back of her large oak wardrobe.

We continued down the corridor, passing white doors which were evenly spaced every couple of metres or so, which looked out of place with their fresh coats of paint. I wrapped my arms tight around my waist and hurried to keep by Laurent's side.

As we entered through another large door, Laurent paused for a moment.

"Through this door is the first set of the wards," he explained in his soulful voice. "Don't worry, we won't be stopping. We'll just be passing through. We have to get to the other side, and in order to do that we need to follow this corridor."

"Are there many patients in this particular ward?" I asked nervously. I'd never been in a hospital before, never mind one for the insane, and was terrified of the people that I would meet. I knew that I was a patient here too, so I shouldn't pass judgement, but I also knew that not everyone would be in here for the same reason I was. There may be more... extreme cases that this hospital dealt with.

"Yes, this ward is full, but don't worry your pretty little head about that. It's the back wards you should worry about. However, it's still early so most of the patients are in the shower rooms, then they will be heading off to breakfast in the dining hall. We won't run into anyone here at this time. Now follow me, Alice. Keep by my side, please."

Our footsteps echoed eerily on the deep terracotta quarry tiles as we walked through the ward, which was a series of rooms based around a lounge area linked together by wide, sweeping, multicoloured corridors; Laurent explained a little of the hospital's history.

"Danvers history extends back many, many years. It's shrouded in mystery and there's even talk of ghost sightings. Did you know that Danvers was built on the site of the Salem Witch Trials?"

I shook my head. "No, I didn't. I'm sorry to say that I hadn't even heard of this place until I arrived at its gates this morning. The building looks fascinating though." I blushed, feeling ignorant.

He chuckled. "Well, one day I will tell you some stories, but not at this time. For now, let's get you fed, little Alice. Come."

I followed him like a lamb following its mother until we reached the end of the long corridor. Laurent unlocked a large metal gate with the bunch of keys attached to his belt, and locked it again behind us.

After a few more twists and turns, rendering me totally lost, we arrived at the dining hall. It was similar in size to my old school dinner hall. I'd expected it to be bigger than that.

"So, this is where all the patients eat? It seems sort of small..." I mused as I looked around the tiny room.

"Oh no, this isn't the patients dining hall, this is the staff canteen. I think it's better for you to eat away from the other patients right now since you're not settled in yet. Anyway, it's nicer here. Just don't tell the Sister and I'll make you a sandwich. Sounds good, yes?"

"Yes, thank you so much."

I was astounded that he broke the rules just for me when he didn't even know me. It was quite... flattering. I sat there with a nervous tight-lipped smile on my face as Laurent prepared my sandwich. He carried it over to my table and placed it in front of me.

It was the most delicious sandwich I'd ever tasted. I couldn't help but watch him while I ate. He didn't say anything, he just sat there in silence, keeping his eyes lowered to the table until I finished.

"That was the loveliest sandwich I've tasted in a long time," I blurted out before I could stop myself. I cringed inwardly at how anxious I sounded. I didn't want him to think I was fawning over him.

What a ridiculous thing to say!

It was a plain ham sandwich I chastised myself.

He nodded, but offered up no verbal reply to my comment.

Laurent cleared away my plate and told me that it was now time to go to my room and settle in before my normal daily routine started. Once again, he led me through a maze of corridors and locked gates, not fumbling with his keys once, before finally bringing us to a set of stairs.

"Your room is on the third floor," he explained as we ascended the narrow winding staircase. I held tightly to the rickety handrail, as he offered up some more details about my rooms location as we climbed higher and higher.

It was beautiful in its own quirky way. It had an extremely high ceiling and a large bay window, which would have looked magnificent, if it wasn't covered with a dull mess screen. It wasn't too dense, as it let just enough of the sun to filter in and warm the air. It was sparse with only two small metal framed beds which framed the bay, and a plain wooden dresser, and a simple night stand, which sat next to one the beds.

Even with the window coverings it looked calm and welcoming. It was… well, it was nice. It was similar to my bedroom at home, except mine had a large patch work rug on the otherwise bare wooden floor. Slowly, I went to the window and gazed out though the small square holes. I could see the red bricks of the hospital across from me and wonderful green grass blanketing the ground below. The area was surrounded by huge oak trees.

"Well, this is your room. As you can see there are two beds. Usually you would have a roommate in here with you, but the Sister thought to leave you alone for a few days until you become more comfortable," he explained with a smile. "I will leave you now so you can get acquainted with your new dwellings and I'll come back in a little bit to give you the rest of the tour."

His eyes locked with mine and his smile faltered slightly. Once again, although I was completely transfixed by this man, I couldn't help but feel uneasy around him.

"Goodbye, Alice. Please take care." He quickly left the room.

What an odd thing to say.

He'd just told me he would be back later to show me around.

I shrugged off my confusion, assuming as usual that I'd read too much into it.

As I sat on my bed, I let out a deep sigh. Suddenly overcome by fatigue, I removed my shoes, lifted my legs over the top of the blanket, and rested my head on the pillow.

Crossing one ankle over the other and interlocking my hands behind my head, I looked up at the ceiling and smiled.

This place isn't so bad.

My thoughts roamed back to Laurent and his welcoming smile, setting aside all of the other questions I had about him.

I took hold of my Rosary beads which were still in my pocket and slowly began to rub them between my fingers, and prayed that I really would grow to like it here.

They were my last thoughts before I quickly and quietly fell sound asleep.

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**A/N _hum, whatcha thinking?_**


	5. Between Two Lungs

**A/N Okay, so back with the usual posting schedule. I've been a little distracted with one-shot contests and new writing ideas. But this is it; chapter Four I hope you enjoy it - maybe a lttle?? Thank you to those few readers who have stuck with this (you know who you are) it will get better :)**

**Thanks again goes to my fantastic... and patient, beta MissAlex. Who does well to put up with me :) SM owns all. Me nothing.**

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Chapter Four:

**Between Two Lungs**

I awoke feeling groggy and disoriented, accompanied by a raging thirst. The sun was still shining but there was mist on the window which I hadn't noticed earlier. As I stretched, I let out a yawn, picked my shoes off the floor and put them on. Then I straightened the blanket, and patiently waited for Laurent.

I'd expected to see him soon since he was supposed to be returning to show me around the rest of the hospital. I assumed he would've woken me up if he had come by when I was sleeping, so it was safe to say I hadn't missed him. As I walked towards the door, I momentarily glanced up at the clock hanging above it. When I pulled on the door knob, however, it wouldn't budge. I shook it back and forth, but it still wouldn't move. I was locked in here.

Anxiously, I began pacing my room, but it didn't do anything to calm my nerves. Just as I sat on the bed, I heard a noise coming from the room beside mine. It sounded like something large was being pushed along the floor - maybe a piece of furniture or a large box.

I thought back to what Laurent had told me earlier; that I was the only patient occupying a room up here on the third floor. So why was someone else up here?

I walked around my bed to the far wall which separated my room from the one next door to see if I could hear any better, however, the noise seemed to have stopped.

"Hello?" I called. "Is anybody there?!"

I stood motionless, straining my ear to hear something.

Still nothing.

So I pressed my ear to the cold brick in one last attempt.

It was then I heard a muffled kind of shuffle, someone was in there, so I tried to make contact once more.

"Hello?!"

No reply.

There was someone in that room, I was sure of it. I felt isolated up here without a roommate so it would be nice to talk to someone. The only other person I saw besides the Sister and Laurent was that girl in the red cardigan.

My thoughts roamed to my time in the waiting room earlier when Laurent walked in and the red cardigan girl looked so frightened. What _was_ it about her? She intrigued me, that's for sure. I made a mental note to keep my eye out for her during my stay.

Since I'd made no progress with the mysterious person next door, I moved away from the wall and sat on my bed to open my case. I took out a pen and a large writing pad so I could start composing my first letter home. I knew that my parents would be eager to hear about my first day. Although nothing much happened, I had so many emotions running through me that I knew it would do me some good to write them down.

Just as I placed the tip of my pen to the crisp, white, scented paper, a blinding white light flashed before my eyes, sending a stabbing pain to my temples.

"No, no, no, not now!" I begged desperately.

My pen dropped from my hand and rolled off the writing pad and onto the bed as I pressed my palms into the side of head, squeezing my eyes shut. I prayed silently for the vision to cease quickly.

The pain incapacitated me.

Fuzzy images danced around in the whiteness of my mind as shadows bathed in dazzling light moved in and out of my sight. From experience, I tried to relax in order to lessen the pain, but I just couldn't. Instead my whole body remained tense and I held my breath, causing the pain to intensify.

Lowering my hands from my head, I threw the writing pad off my lap, hearing the pages flutter to the ground, and then eased my body into a horizontal position on the bed, resting my head on my pillow. I forced myself to take in a deep breath, sucking in the cool air that enveloped the room.

My heart beat a mile a minute as I released the air slowly, trying to clear my mind to allow the vision come to me so that maybe I could make some of it out clearly. Slowly, a figure began to take shape. I watched as the light faded, and when the image became clear, my breath hitched in my throat.

_Laurent! _

His face lit up as he smiled, but just as soon as he appeared, he was gone, replaced by an angry face belonging to a man with dirty blond hair I didn't recognize. This second image faded as quickly as the first one had as the pain continued to rip through my entire body.

All I could do was wait it through.

From then on, there were no more clear visions. Only the fuzzy images and throbbing pain from before remained.

After the pain released me from its vice like grip, I lay slumped on the bed, too exhausted to move. Tears fell from my eyes down to my ears and onto my pillow as I stared aimlessly up at the ceiling.

I hardly noticed the sound of the key turning in the door, nor the footsteps approaching me. I lay still, completely numb as a cold hand gripped my shoulder. The same cold hand pulled me over onto my back.

"Alice, what is it? Are you okay?" A familiar soft voice sang in my ear. I blinked, but didn't make an effort to see who the voice belonged to.

"So you _can_ hear me. That's good. For a moment there, I thought I'd have to take you for a cold bath."

As my tears dried, I blinked again, only slower this time. My eyelids felt like sandpaper against my dry eyes.

"So child, what happened to cause this?"

The cold hand moved up to my long, black hair which cascaded around my face on the pillow, and stroked it slowly.

I always took pride in my long, waist-length locks. It had taken me ages to grow it out to this length and a hundred strokes of a brush each night kept it glossy and sleek.

The cold fingers continued to stroke my hair. But I still didn't move.

"Alright," the melodic voice said after a few moments. "I will let you get away without answering me just for today. Do you hear me, little one? Tomorrow is a new day. Next time, you must respond so I can help you. The Sister won't protect you but I will. In fact, the Sister will be very angry, but don't worry about that right now. Just rest, sweet Alice."

My hair stopped moving as the hand pulled away from me. I listened to the soft footsteps as they faded and then disappeared completely.

I turned once again turned onto my side facing the wall, I stared unseeingly as I welcoming the silence that now encompassed my room.

Letting out a shaky breath, my body began to rock back and forth. I knew it was coming, as it did after every vision. I braced myself as the blackness took over my body and finally my mind.


	6. Back To Black

**A/N Those of you who are waiting patiently for Jasper...not long to go now :) **

**Some thank yous - because we all know we can't do it by ourselves... **

**Firstly Miss Alex, my beta - seriously dude you rock! You have my back and I appreciate that. To alchemilla, thank you for making me face the truth. Also Emmettgirl, my PTB beta, for dealing with my comma addiction and constant edits :)**

**My reviewers: Thank You so much!! I really do appreciate each and every one. **

**Commence Chapter Five...I own nothing - just in case you were wondering.**

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Chapter Five:

Back To Black

A piercing scream attacked my eardrums, dragging me out of the darkness I'd been hiding in. My hands shot up to my ears to try and block out the sound, but even as I pressed my palms against them with all my might, the screaming wouldn't cease.

"That is enough now, Alice. Hush," a sweet voice said. "Quiet down, I am here. Everything is going to be alright."

I shot up into a sitting position but my head spun from the sudden movement, so I closed my eyes and slowly lay back down on my bed.

"Laurent?" I croaked. My throat was sore and dry, my body numb.

"Yes, it is me, Alice. How are you feeling today?" he asked softly. I knew it was Laurent as soon as he'd spoken. His accent sounded heavy and rhythmic and it was as soothing as I remembered.

"I-I feel numb," I stammered, my voice still weak. "How long has it been?"

"Four days and four nights. We were very worried about you. Especially me. We tried lots of things to get you back to the land of the living. You were a ghost, little one. A very sleepy ghost."

His face broke out into a smile as I mulled over his words. Surprisingly, I found myself smiling as well.

Laurent walked over to the plain, wooden dresser on the other side of my room and came back with a glass of water.

"Your throat must feel dry from all that screaming," he said, presenting the glass to me.

"That was me?" I spluttered in disbelief.

"Yes. For five hours you have been emptying your lungs into my ears. I thought you'd never stop."

I sat up, and took the water from Laurent, bringing the glass to my lips to take a sip. Refreshing, ice cold water ran down my throat, extinguishing the fire that burned there.

"So, what caused this?" He waited patiently for me to answer.

"I had a vision... I think" I added hesitantly. "It still feels kind of muddled" In truth I just didn't want to tell Laurent that he'd featured in it.

"Does the catatonic state usually last that long after your one of your episodes?" he asked, taking a seat on the edge of my bed as he studied my face.

Before answering, I took another mouthful of water. I relaxed a little more as the cold liquid trickled down my throat.

I swallowed slowly. "Um, it usually only lasts a few days. Two at most. Three days has been the longest that I've knowingly experienced."

Laurent took out a small notebook from his shirt pocket, and with the tiny pencil attached to it by a string, he scribbled something down. As he did this, I took that moment to look at him closely. His skin seemed darker than I remembered on my first day and when the sun's rays caught his face, he seemed to sparkle. He absolutely mesmerized me.

Once again, his hair was tied at the base of his skull with a black band. I wanted to touch it, to feel its texture as it slipped between my fingers. It looked so soft.

Instinctively, my hand went to my own hair. I raked my fingers across my scalp, my palms rubbing my smooth locks. But when I reached the back of my head, there was nothing more to grab.

My fingers touched nothing but air.

"Wha-? Laurent? My hair!" I gasped in complete shock, my hand flying to my mouth. My breath came out in short bursts, becoming more erratic with each intake of air.

Laurent was at my side in an instant, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"I am so sorry, Alice, so very sorry. I tried to stop them but they were desperate. You were catatonic for three days before they took that drastic measure. We had to try something and at that point we'd exercised all of our other options. Electric shock seemed the only thing to do, but luckily once they'd cut your hair in preparation they changed their minds. You should be glad you only had the hair cut and not the actually treatment."

His voice was laced with regret and his sorrow transcended to me through his touch, but it did nothing to stop the tears that spilled down my cheeks.

My hair was gone.

I was stunned. I grabbed at the short, uneven strands that lay close to my head.

A loud sob escaped from my lips, originating from the very pit of my stomach and my body shook uncontrollably as they wrenched through my chest.

My hair was gone.

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**A/N I know, that was a real short chapter, even for me! But it had to end there, really it did. But hopefully I'll make it up to you with chapter 7 :) (remember FF tells you this is 6, it's not, it's really 5, next up is 6 - confused yet? Yeah, me too. Remind me next story not to have a prologue)**


	7. Inbetween Days

**A/N My beta, MissAlex is wonderful and so is her story Rebel Without a Cause so I suggest you go read her story and get yourself some deanward :) **

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4912876/1/Rebel_Without_A_Cause**

**I own nothing**

**Inbetween Days**

I often look back on those early days and try to piece together the pictures that I have saved in my mind along with the things Laurent has told me. I wanted to understand it. I wanted the full memory of the girl I used to be. I didn't want to lose her forever.

Even though it had been seven weeks, I still hadn't gotten over my unexpected haircut. It still hasn't grown back at the rate it should, and I was frightened it never would. It was now short and spiky, but I only know this by touch, for I refused to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't want to see a sad girl with vacant eyes staring back at me. It would be too painful to be reminded of all I'd lost both physically and emotionally since arriving at Danvers.

Much happened since that day. That day was the first of many ice bath treatments, the last of which was scheduled for tomorrow. I was used to them now. I accepted them as part of the healing process and they weren't too bad once I got used to the headache resulting from the sudden drop in my body temperature.

The surprising thing was that they worked. Well, they worked, meaning they brought me out of my depression after one of my visions. They didn't stop the visions from occurring though. I never believed they ever would.

Because of this, I was to begin a new type of treatment next week.

Electric-shock treatment.

The thought of this scared me to death. Laurent coached me on what to expect but because this procedure was completely unknown to me, even his calm rationale couldn't calm my fears.

I still hadn't fully forgiven Laurent for the loss of my hair. I knew he only followed orders but a little part of me would always hold a grudge against him.

But still, I was grateful that he stopped the electric-shock treatments that the Sister wanted to give me while I was in my depressed state, by suggesting the ice baths instead. He insisted that it wasn't fair to put me through that procedure when I wasn't awake to understand what was going on and surprisingly, the Sister held off.

Life at Danvers was my entire existence now. I knew the routine like the back of my hand.

At the break of dawn, I'd wake up, receive my medication, take a shower, and then walk to the dining hall for breakfast. This was where I sat with my head down, afraid to make eye contact because I was afraid of the eyes that I knew rested upon me when I entered.

Today, just like every day, I quickly ate my porridge, trying to leave as fast as I could. I'd lost my confidence when I lost my hair. The only time I did look up was to see if I could spot a familiar face, but I had yet to see the girl in the red cardigan since my first day.

As I stood up from my seat, the metal chair scraped nosily across the floor. Picking up my bowl and spoon, I walked over to the hatch and placed my dishes inside, and then left the noise behind me as I walked out of the dining hall into the corridor.

There was nothing to do and I was bored. There was still an hour until my doctor's appointment, so I decided to wander around the backwards. Something interesting always happened there.

Slowly, I made my way down the wide, but gloomy pale blue corridor. I hadn't been down this way for a while and I almost forgot theses rooms were down here.

As I walked, I studied the paintings hanging on the walls. The description told me that they were created by patients, both past and present. They were bold and strangely beautiful.

I came to a stop in front of a small, framed picture, the last one in the hallway. Leaning in closer to read the inscription, I heard a muffled noise behind me. It sounded like a low moan. Looking over my shoulder, I scanned the corridor. But it was empty. So I faced the front again, and focused on the neatly typed text under the painting.

But just as I squinted to read the inscription, I heard the noise again, only this time the sound sent waves of sorrow throughout my entire body.

_I am not imagining this._

Stepping away from the painting, I moved further down the darkened corridor, towards the male showers, following the noise.

As I got to the doorway, I stopped, reluctant to step inside. If I got caught in the male shower room, I would be locked up in solitary. I shuddered at the thought.

My eyes scanned the room. It smelt of urine and soap. Both the walls and the floor were made up of bluish gray tiles, and they were damp with condensation. The humidity enveloped me as I took a step inside, my skin and clothes quickly absorbing the wet air around me.

Nothing.

I saw nothing.

Just as I was about to turn around and leave, I heard a whimper. Slowly, I took a few more steps into the room and immediately felt the water on the ground soak through my flimsy slippers. They were my only pair, but I didn't care. Something made me move deeper inside.

Coming to a stop, I noticed a row of five private shower cubicles, which I thought was strange because the girl's showers had no privacy. I looked in each cubicle, pushing each door open slowly with my tepid fingers, unsure of what I'd find.

As I came to the last door, I opened it quickly, expecting to find nothing just like with the previous four. To my complete surprise, a figure lay naked on the wet floor, shaking violently.

After kneeling down, the water soaking my trousers, the moans from this person grew louder and more desperate.

"Hello?" I whispered. But my voice was too soft. The pounding of my heart in my chest drowned out my words so I cleared my throat.

"Hello" I repeated. "Are you alright?"

He didn't speak but his whimpering grew louder.

The person on the ground was male, a young boy around my age, maybe older. His naked body told me that. He had matted blond hair, dark and damp from the water, and his pale white skin was covered in hundreds of small, unusual looking scars. As I leaned down more to get a closer look, my eyes teared up, there was _so _many of them.

He brought his knees in closer to his chest and yet another high pitched moan escaped from his lips.

"Do you need help?" I asked, slowly reaching out my hand and carefully placing it on his bare shoulder. His moans became screams, growing louder by the second, assaulting every one of my senses.

Louder, and louder he cried, his body trembling even more than before.

Quickly, I removed my hand from his body and pressed my palms into my ears. The sound was unbearable and tears spilled from my eyes as I watched this child-like boy lying broken before me on the ground.

Taking one last look, I forced myself to look away and ran sobbing from the room. Once I was back out in the corridor, I crashed into someone.

Slowly, I looked up, my body trembling.

"Laurent! Oh, thank goodness!" I cried into his shoulder as he held me tight.

"What is it, Alice? What on Earth has reduced you to this, child?"

His eyes were wide with shock, but there was a look of something else in his dark pools as he released me from his grip. Something I couldn't quite comprehend.

"There is someone in the shower room...on the floor, hurt," I choked out.

Just as the words left my lips, a devastating scream erupted from the room. Laurent let me go quickly and ran inside.

I followed him and watched as he opened each cubicle door with great force, knowing where the man lay, but too stunned to speak.

"Where Alice? Show me!" Laurent exclaimed.

I struggled to find my voice.

"The last one," I said, tears pouring down my face.

"I found him. Jasper! Jasper!" he shouted, shaking him roughly. My cry now matched that of the boy's

"Hush now, Alice," Laurent instructed. "Go fetch me some towels from the linen cupboard, hurry!"

My legs felt like jelly as I rushed from the room, retrieved the towels, and then ran back into the room, just in time to see a strange look flash across Laurent's face, which disappeared immediately when he saw me. His grip on the boy, Jasper, seemed extra tight.

I handed the white towels to Laurent, who placed them over Jasper as he brought him to a sitting position.

"Thank you, Alice. Now go back to you room. It's alright now, I am here. I have it under control. Back to your room and say nothing more of this."

"But I -"

His eyes shot in my direction."Now, Alice! Please leave this to me!"

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry, Laurent. Thank you for helping him."

I paused for a moment and took one last look at the mysterious Jasper wrapped in a towel against Laurent's chest, before darting from the room.

As I walked down the corridor, I vowed to find out more about this Jasper. My connection to him was just too strong to ignore.

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**A/N **Thank you for sticking with this. Next up will be JPOV so be prepared :)


	8. Swallowed by the sea

**Thank you as always to my beta MissAlex. And enormous thanks goes to alchemilla and emmettgirl for their fantastic help with rewriting this chapter. Sorry my title and quote won't center, FF's being all fail :(**

**I own nothing**

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Chapter Seven:

**Swallowed by the Sea**

I am inhabited by a cry.  
Nightly it flaps out  
Looking, with its hooks, for something to love.  
I am terrified by this dark thing  
That sleeps in me;  
All day I feel its soft, feathery turnings, its malignity.

_~ Sylvia Plath_

_**Jasper**_

_**  
**_"Fuck you!" I yelled as the heavy metal door slammed into place. I turned and kicked the limp mattress lying on the floor.

Throwing myself down on the ground, I fisted my hair and released a long, deep roar from my gut. My scalp burned but I didn't care.

_The stupid bastard! _How could he do this after all these years? Surely we were still enough, Mary and I? He'd never used anyone else before, so why now?

I'd seen him with his new pet. It sickened me how she hung onto his every word. I wondered if she felt scared yet, or if she sensed what was coming. Either way, she would figure it out sooner or later. But when she did, it would be too late.

I sniggered in spite of myself, but it did nothing to alleviate the tension and anger raging

She was tiny. How he was going to feed from her thin frame, was beyond me. I doubted that she could quench his thirst; he'd soon come running back to us.

I picked myself up off the mould-infested floor and slumped onto the stinking mattress.

I'd watched them together in the lounge, giggling at that new show hosted by Ed Sullivan_,_ when Laurent thought I was doped up in my room. What the fool didn't realize was that I'd been hiding the stupid blue pills under my tongue every night for the past week. I'd been saving them. I had them hidden in a tin box under a loose floorboard in my room. They would come in handy very soon.

Yesterday was by far my lowest point since this whole nightmare began. I'd used one of Laurent's old needles and offered him my blood-filled vials, but he didn't want them. He didn't want my blood anymore.

Now I had nothing he wanted, I was no longer any use to him. When this all started, it would've been a relief. Now, I _wanted_ him to take my blood. It made me sick to see how pathetic I'd become.

I turned onto my side and punched the wall with my right fist. My knuckles reddened and swelled instantly from the impact, but it didn't do anything to calm the craving hidden deep down, festering inside myself.

Picking at a freshly scabbed puncture wound with my dirty finger nails, I rolled onto my back and thought back to the first time he'd fed off me and how different I was then. Before I'd never let him take me without a fight. I'd kick and punch with all I had. It never made any difference, though, as he was so strong – inhumanly strong. Know I knew exactly what he was.

He was the living dead.

A vampire.

I would never forgive myself. I was weak and pathetic. That, combined with the knowledge that I would never win, left me with no choice. I let go of the fight I had within me and I gave in to him.

Sad and desperate was then added to the list of things I'd become. I was scared to death that this would never end. The years I'd spent in foster homes were better than this. All the abuse and the verbal attacks I'd received at the hands of my foster parents was nothing compared to what I went through here at Danvers.

I should have suspected something was up when the seemingly normal, pleasant aide instigated an argument between us and sent me to the solitary wing to cool off. I sensed something was off but I didn't think he had such extreme ulterior motives.

So I didn't think anything of it. That is, until I heard the girl, Mary, in the next cell, crying out Laurent's name amongst desperate protests. It was when the crying turned into screams that my eyebrows knitted together. Something was happening. Something terrifying.

After Mary's shrieks ceased, I heard footsteps echoing in the eerie silence along the corridor. They were headed my way.

A key turned, and the door creaked open, displaying the silhouette of the vampire standing in the doorway. He moved closer. His face was covered in blood and even in my petrified state, I noticed how unusually red his eyes were. I knew I didn't stand a chance. I was cornered and he knew it. This had been his plan all along.

With the most agile of movements, he flew himself into my cell and threw me onto the mattress. He ripped off my shirt and, to my utter bewilderment and terror, bit my newly exposed flesh. I didn't even have time to wonder what the hell was going on, everything was happening so fast.

I thrashed about in unimaginable pain as his razor like teeth penetrated my skin and sank into my flesh. He growled into my ear as he drank, but it wasn't until the next morning that I saw the marks and fully understood what he was.

The marks and scars multiplied over the years, leaving my body full of silver streaks and deep angry gashes where Laurent had gotten carried away.

After weeks of resisting, then months of not giving a damn, I came to find a release in his feeding. Every time Laurent sank his teeth into my skin, I felt energized. Then after a while, it became the _only _time I felt alive. Every bite turned into a breath of fresh air. It brought me comfort and, most importantly, an escape from the reality of everything bad that had ever happened to me in my life. It was my new sickening reality and I was ashamed to admit that I started looking forward his visits.

I hated myself for that because now I couldn't go a few days without feeling the buzz of adrenaline, craving the rush of my blood being sucked viciously from my veins. It had been five days since he'd last fed on me and I was getting desperate. But in the back of my mind, I knew I wanted it to stop. I wondered whether this was my chance to stop this revolting addiction, but the thought of giving it up because of some newcomer made me sick to my stomach.

Lifting myself off the dirty mattress, I headed for the shower. I felt unclean, unwanted, and I hoped that the spray of cold water would do something to relieve my anxiety and restlessness.

I shuffled down the corridor, the hem of my baggy trousers dragging along the floor. I passed other patients but I didn't acknowledge them. Not that they would talk to me anyway. I'd never made any friends in all the years I'd been here. I didn't need any.

After making sure the shower block was empty, I undressed and walked towards one of the cubicles. As I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the large mirror on the wall, I froze. The scars on my body from Laurent sparkled.

I couldn't take my eyes off them. I grazed my fingertips along the raised scar tissue, looking closely at every tiny detail, exploring them for the first time. What made me do this now after all this time, I had no idea. Usually I avoided looking at myself in the mirror.

Tears spilled down my face, along my cheeks, and then landed on my pale chest as I studied what I'd become. Now the wet scars sparkled even more, glaring at me. But although my skin looked like it was covered in diamonds, I felt hideous.

_How did I allow this to happen? What have I allowed myself to become?  
_  
This realization hit me like a battering ram. The wall I'd built up around myself tumbled down, brick by brick, with every tear I shed.

My world as I knew it was ending, it lay broken at my feet. I hadn't slept for five days and the lack of sleep played with my mind. I was always vulnerable but this made me even more so.

Immediately, panic assaulted me and I broke down.

Falling to my already bruised knees, a low moan snaked from my lungs and escaped my lips. I fell forward onto my hands, shaking violently. From my scarred chest, a blood-curdling scream ripped through the room. My cries were hollow, soulless.

Right there on that wet, hard floor, I wanted to curl up and die. I wanted it for so long but had pushed it deep down inside me. I had prayed and dreamt of it, but had succeeded in ignoring it.

Until now.

I could taste death, but whenever I tried to bite down on it, it would slip away, unreachable. I used my forearms to drag my body to the privacy of the shower cubicle before I relaxed onto the floor, sobbing the desperation out of me.

It must have been a few hours before I heard the quiet splash of footsteps. I was still on the ground – feral, cold and wet. My chest rose and fell with every labored breath I took and sobs shook my frail form.

As the footsteps came closer, my moans turned into wails and they involuntarily grew louder, until my cries echoed throughout the room once again.

Louder.

A gentle hand touched my shoulder.

Louder.

I couldn't stop. My lungs just wouldn't empty.

Then the gentle hand was replaced with a cold one, an all too familiar icy touch. I froze. I'd felt that same touch for the last five years. He shouted as he shook me but I couldn't make out what he said.

Although recently I craved his presence, after seeing myself in the mirror – recognizing the true reality of what he'd done to me – I no longer wanted him anywhere near me. I still felt sick as I waited for the blow that I knew was to come for making such a commotion.

Instead, the cold hand slithered across my shoulders and pulled me close. I was confused. Arms that usually held me down were now comforting me.

"Hush now, Alice. Go fetch me some towels from the linen cupboard, hurry!" he called out.

My sobs slowly abated and then the unexpected soothing embrace turned into a vice-like grip. The air rushed out of my lungs, rendering me breathless as my terror took over. This was the touch I remembered.

"You ever pull this shit again, dear boy, and you won't live to see another day. Do you understand?"

I couldn't respond. I felt numb.

"Do. You. Understand?" he hissed.

Somehow I managed a weak nod.

The cold hands then relaxed and wrapped me in something soft.

Alice was back.

"Thank you, Alice. Now go back to you room. It's alright now, I am here. I have it under control. Back to your room and say nothing more of this." His voice was now sickly sweet.

"But I –" she protested.

"Now, Alice! Please leave this to me!"

I shuddered. I didn't want her to leave but I knew that she would obey him. Everyone always did.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry, Laurent. Thank you for helping him." Her voice was sweet and innocent.

That was the voice of my angel. Only God knew what Laurent would have done if this Alice wasn't here. His shiny new toy had become my savior and I now would become hers.

After she left, Laurent roughly pushed me away and stood up. He kicked me between my legs and quickly left.

I managed to pull myself up and dry myself off with the towel that was left hanging over my shoulders. Once again, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy, and my wet hair matted. With shaky knees, I walked over to the sink and ran the tap, splashing cold water on my face.

Alice.

I'd spent the past few weeks despising her, when really she was nothing but another innocent victim in Laurent's sick game.

It wasn't her fault that Laurent used all his persuasive powers to lure her into his trap. I made a vow and I would honor it: I would do everything in my control to stop her from becoming like Mary and myself – empty shells of the people we once were.

Ghosts.


	9. Poison Prince

**A/N As always I bow down to the awesomeness that is MissAlex, beta extraordinaire and all round great person.**

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**Chapter Eight:**

**Poison Prince**

**_Alice_**

As I sat in the doctor's newly-decorated waiting room, I couldn't take my mind off the boy from the showers that I saw earlier.

_Jasper. _

I repeated his name in my mind, and then repeated it in a whisper, letting it roll gently off my tongue. He looked so broken, so completely and utterly _broken_. I wondered who he was and how he came to be in here? Also, why was he on the shower room floor crying?

I decided I would ask Laurent about him later. From his reaction to Jasper in the shower room, he seemed to know him.

"Miss Brandon," the doctor called as he poked his head out into the waiting room.

Upon entering his office, I scanned my surroundings. The walls were painted magnolia and a soft, dark green carpet covered the floor. One entire wall was devoted to framed certificates. I had to admit, it looked a lot nicer than what I remembered from the first time I came in here.

The doctor sat down in his highback, black leather chair as I shut the door.

"Hello Alice, take a seat," he instructed.

"Hello Dr..." I hesitated. I didn't know his name. I knew I should've asked Laurent beforehand. Now I looked like a fool.

"My name is Dr. Webster. I apologize that we were not able to meet when you attended your first appointment. I was out of town for a conference. I hope you found my associate, our substitute doctor, Dr. Cullen, satisfactory."

Before I was able to answer, he continued.

"I have gone through your file which Dr. Cullen put together after your meeting with him so I feel up to speed. I just wanted to ask you a few questions of my own so that I may clarify a few things. You may have to go over some information again.I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head.

"So, how are you today, Alice? I believe you're having your last ice bath treatment this afternoon." Awaiting my reply, he studied my face over his black, heavy framed glasses which slipped down the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, my appointment is at two o'clock."

He took out a folder from the top drawer of his desk, flipped open the cover, and began writing. I glanced at the white shelf behind him. It covered the entire back wall and was filled from top to bottom with books, all of which looked brand new. It vaguely reminded me of my father's study, except I couldn't smell the comforting smell of old paper. This office was cold, clinical, and smelled of newly laid carpet and leather.

"How have you been finding the baths?" he asked, not looking up from my file in his hands. "Do you feel that they've helped you at all?"

Nervously, I toyed with my mother's Rosary beads in cardigan pocket.

"Um, well, they're c-cold," I stammered.

He glanced up from the folder and raised his eyebrows. My stupid attempt at humour had fallen flat.

My face grew warm from embarrassment. "They've been sort of helpful in dealing with the depression _following_ my visions, but they haven't made any difference at all when it comes to my visions themselves."

It still felt strange speaking about my vision out loud. I hadn't had a major one since that time they cut my hair. Lately, they'd been very mild and I couldn't derive anything from them. They showed me absolutely nothing concrete.

"Yes, I've read your family doctor's notes about your disturbances. I would like to look into them further if you don't mind." He looked down at my file again and shuffled some papers. "Dr. Cullen has ruled out schizophrenia as a cause, I see." He tapped his pen against his mahogany desk.

"Personally, I would like to rule out hypnagogic and hynopompic hallucinations before I delve any deeper into your episodes. So I would like you to keep a diary again. This time I want a very detailed account of each and every one of your disturbances. And Miss Brandon, I do mean _every_ one, no matter how big or small. You are to bring this diary to our next appointment." He reached into his drawer and pulled out a leather-bound journal and a pencil.

Shifting in my seat, I felt my cheeks redden again.

_Hynopompic? Hypnagogic?_

I had no idea what those words meant, but I was too embarrassed to ask. My fingers linked together on my lap and I chewed nervously on my bottom lip.

"Yes doctor, I will." I agreed as I took the journal from him and sat back down in my chair.

"Alright, so you mentioned depression. The depression is an underlying problem. We must cure the..._visions_…as you so call them, before we do anything about the depression itself. I am very reluctant to prescribe ice baths combined with the next treatment I've recommended. Hopefully we can cure the depression by fixing its trigger."

He sat up in his chair and coughed before continuing. "Do you know which treatment I am referring to?"

"Yes, doctor," I whispered.

I dreaded these treatments.

_Electric shock._

My heart hammered in my chest as my nervousness turned into fear.

"Your hair has grown a bit since your near miss a few months ago. I'm afraid that in order to prepare you for these treatments, you will need to have it cut again."

My eyes widened and I quickly dropped my gaze to my lap so he wouldn't see my shocked expression. I wasn't about to protest a doctor's orders but the thought of receiving another haircut upset me greatly.

He seemed oblivious to my concern and carried on as though his last comment wasn't a big deal. "Alright, all that remains in your visit here today is for me to give you a physical inspection. Then you may leave."

He stood up and walked around his desk, grabbing a stethoscope from his hat stand. After putting in the earpieces, he leaned over me and pushed the fabric of my blouse aside, placing the cold chest piece to my skin.

"Deep breaths, please, Alice."

I took in a mouthful of air and released it slowly.

"And once more, please."

My chest expanded as the air filled my lungs.

"Alright, that sounds fine."

He removed the stethoscope from his ears and pulled out a tongue depressor from the pocket of his lab coat.

"Open wide," he instructed.

He placed the wooden stick into my mouth and I gagged as it reached the back of my throat.

"Say aaahh..."

"Aaahhh."

He smiled as he removed the stick.

"Perfect."

Next, he tugged on each of my earlobes and shone a light into my ear canal, 'hmmm'ing' and 'ah- ha'ing' as he looked around.

"Alright, Alice, all finished."

He walked away from me and sat down behind his desk again.

"Is there anything else that you would like to discuss before our appointment today comes to a close?" he asked.

"Well, I've been finding it hard to fall asleep at night. I lay there restless, my mind spinning. Then I find it very difficult to get out of bed in the morning."

"Alright, that is an easy problem to solve." He smiled as he took out a small pad from his drawer and began writing "I'm going to prescribe you a basic sleeping aid. Take it half an hour before your bedtime. It will help you fall fast asleep. This particular drug will not interfere with your other medications so you will continue taking those as directed during the normal medication rounds in the morning."

"Thank you, doctor," I smiled.

_Wow, that __was__ easier than I thought. _

I thought he would downplay my sleeping issues. Although I didn't like the idea of taking additional medication, I was desperate for a peaceful night's sleep. Plus, it must be alright to take so many medications or else the doctor never would've prescribed them for me. Doctors were always right and this one seemed particularly helpful.

"Is there anything else that I can help you with, Alice?"

"Um, no doctor, thank you. There's nothing else I can think of right now."

He nodded. "Everything looks fine so I will schedule you in for your first shock treatment sometime within the next two weeks. And of course, you have your last ice bath this afternoon. I hope it goes well. Good day."

He closed my file and placed it back in the drawer.

I was dismissed.

After thanking the doctor once more, I opened the door and stepped into the waiting area. Looking up, I was surprised to find the girl in the red cardigan sitting in the seat I'd occupied earlier. She wasn't wearing the red cardigan though. Today it was dark blue. It did nothing for her complexion.

She glanced up and her eyes locked with mine. I smiled, trying to be friendly and to my complete astonishment, she smiled back. Not a full smile, but the corners of her mouth twitched up which was good enough for me.

As I made my way towards the door, I didn't break our eye contact.

"He's quite nice." I stated as I passed her. The corners of her mouth lifted a bit more.

_Progress__. _

"Come on in, Mary," the doctor called.

The girl, Mary, removed her eyes from mine. She stood up from her chair and walked towards the doctor's office. I followed her with my eyes. Just as she was about to enter, she turned around and flashed me a real smile, one that reached her eyes. Then she stepped through the doorway and shut the door.

Excited that I potentially made a new friend, I skipped out of the room and walked down the corridor towards the lounge.

The lounge was quiet this morning, with only a few people sitting around playing board games. The brown swirly carpet stuck to my feet as I moved across it.

_Gross._

Letting out a deep sigh, I sat down on the window seat and brought my knees into my chest, leaning my back against the cool, hard wall.

My bath was due shortly. I could cope with the bath itself, but the fact that once it was over I would start a new set of treatments, didn't sit well with me. I dreaded the next step. It was so new to me. I always feared the unknown.

I shook my head slightly as I looked out the large window, trying to focus my thoughts elsewhere.

_It__'__s nothing to worry about. I c__an __do this. _

This room and its view always relaxed me. I didn't know exactly why it soothed me. Maybe it was the normalcy. The television set, the comfortable sofas, the fake rubber plant…they all reminded me of home. I tried to come in here at least once a day, just to unwind. Although it was quiet during the day, any company was nice - even if they didn't talk to me.

A couple of nights ago, I stayed up late to watch a new show with Laurent. He was slowly becoming my friend. Well, as much of a friend as an aide could be to a patient. I knew he worked here and was paid to be nice to the patients but I sensed a little more from him than that.

A _true _friend.

But it was really hard for me to know for sure. Yes, he hung around me a lot, and yes, he made me laugh, but sometimes...well sometimes, I would get a vibe from him that made me feel uncomfortable. I think it was the way he stared at me when he thought I wasn't looking.

His eyes flashed with fascination or something. It was difficult to tell. I supposed he was curious about me and my visions just as much as everyone else was. But no matter how uneasy I felt at times, I didn't dwell on it. He was the only friend I had in here so I couldn't be picky. I felt lucky that I managed to keep him longer than my usual three-day friendships.

Turning away from the window, I scanned the lounge. The walls were in need of papering. They curled away from the wall and mold settled in the corners. If it wasn't taken care of soon, it would most definitely take over the room.

My eyes rested on the television.

A cowboy film.

Just as a shoot-out began between two rival gangs, I felt eyes watching me.

Looking away from the television screen, I saw a young man sitting on the other side of the room who wasn't here when I entered. I would've noticed him if he had been. He looked a few years older than me. He was beautiful in an unusual kind of way. His skin was smooth and clear and his toffee colored hair was long and tied at the base of his neck similar how to Laurent wore his. This young man also stood out because of his outfit. He wore a tan leather jacket and dark trousers.

Very stylish.

He had a rebellious aura about him, just like that new motion picture star, Montgomery Clift. He had a pretty face, but with an underlying restlessness and a raw energy that radiated throughout the room.

Quite frankly, he was extremely attractive in that bad boy sort of way.

He was the type of young man one knew they should avoid, but couldn't for the sheer magnetism he exuded.

Most importantly, he was staring at _me_. It didn't take long for me to notice his eyes. Even from this distance, they mesmerized me. They were the lightest hazel I'd ever seen. My breath caught in my throat as he stood up and strode towards me.

His movement were agile, like that of a lion, and his strut oozed confidence. Just as he got halfway to me, Laurent walked into the room and called out something that made the young man halt in his tracks. I couldn't understand what he said.

It wasn't in English.

Slowly, the young man turned around to face the aide. They spoke in hushed voices and every so often they glanced in my direction. I tried not to watch their exchange but I was curious as to what they discussed. I was sure it was about me and that made me uncomfortable. I tore my eyes away from them and looked out the window, but the pull to look again was just too strong to ignore.

When I looked back they were no longer talking. Laurent walked towards the door, his shoulders hunched. His arms hung stiffly down his sides, his hands clenched into fists. He was not happy, that much was clear. Then my gaze shifted. The young man was headed straight for me.

He stopped beside the window seat, his eyes piercing into mine.

"Hello," he spoke. His voice was low and melodic and it gave me goose bumps. He leaned casually against the wall, one leg snaked over the other.

"I've noticed you around. My name is James." A crooked smile played upon his lips, a cheeky kind of smirk.

Definitely a rebel.

I smiled back. "Alice. Nice to meet you."

I held out my hand, waiting for him to take it. When he did, a fleeting image flashed before my eyes and quickly faded. I blinked rapidly but I felt slightly dizzy. Then my hand stiffened in our embrace.

His hand was so _cold_.

I pulled away quicker than I should have. I didn't mean to be rude but I couldn't help it.

"H-how long have you been here at Danvers?" I stammered, trying to recover from my impolite reaction to his touch. He was only trying to be nice and here I was acting strangely.

I shook my head, hoping the fogginess would clear.

His smirk disappeared. "This time? Only a week. I come and go as I please. You?" He arched an eyebrow as I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Oh, not too long. Ninety-seven days," I blurted out without having to think about it. He laughed, displaying his perfect, white teeth.

"Well, if ever you want to hang out, I'll be around."

I opened my mouth to respond but he didn't wait for my reply. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and strolled back to his original seat across the room. As he took a seat, I realized my mouth still hung open so I closed it as my face grew increasingly red. I hoped he hadn't caught me gaping at him.

"Uh, thank you!" I called after him. That wasn't exactly a smooth response but I didn't have much experience when it came to talking to young men.

Just as I rested my head against the wall again, I noticed Laurent standing in the doorway watching James.

I shuddered.

The look on Laurent's face towards my new acquaintance was that of pure hatred.

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**A/N - _are you as confused as Alice? Hypnagogic hallucinations occur when a person is falling asleep, and hypnopompic hallucinations occur when a person is waking up. - wiki wiki wah wah _**


	10. This is the Life

**A/N _Okay, so we had a couple of questions about venom last week. For the purpose of this story only venom that is injected (with teeth, obviously) purposely into the veins can change a person in to a vampire, feeding is a different process and involves a different kind of bite. The world would soon be over run with vampires, or there would be no humans left otherwise. I know I haven't explained that clearly but it's the best I can manage._**

**_Thank you again to my Beta, MissAlex_**

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**_I OWN NOTHING_**

**Chapter Nine:**

**This is the Life**

I still hadn't moved from my perch on the windowsill. It was nice, just sitting here, looking out at the outside world, even if it was just the grounds of Danvers. I loved the luscious greenery. It was a glorious day, warm enough for my short sleeved cotton jersey. The sun's warmth was magnified as it penetrated through the window and heated my bare skin. But I didn't move it. I liked how it felt.

The hundred year old oak trees stood perfectly still, framing Danvers' surroundings. Birds fluttered from tree top to tree top. I watched them, amazed at their beauty. I wished every day could be like this. I hadn't been outside yet, but I really wanted to. I wanted to smell the fresh air and feel the grass between my toes. I'd heard from a couple of the nurses that it was possible to spend some time outdoors. And I had often seen the odd patient or two wandering the grounds. I decided that I would ask Laurent about it next time I saw him.

Sighing, I rubbed my aching eyes with my fists. I rested my head on my forearm and let the warmth on my cheek soothe me, reminding me that I was alive. My stomach growled loudly, signalling it was nearly lunch. I looked up at the clock to confirm.

_Twelve__-__thirty__._

My stomach flipped.

_Yes, lunchtime._

Yet, I still didn't move. I stalled even though I was hungry. Three times a day, I had to go through the hell which was the dining hall.

The dining hall was open to everybody, but seating was arranged by ward. This meant my ward dined with the male ward across the lounge and one of the back wards, where some of the less able where housed.

Sliding off my seat, I made my way to the hall. Even though I knew there would be a queue if I didn't get a move on, I still didn't rush my steps.

I heard the commotion of the lunch patrons as rounded the corner, and right on cue, my stomach started its usual somersaults. Clenching my fists in my pockets, I braced myself as I entered the hall.

My eyes scanned the room, looking for a familiar face, but like always, I saw not one. I was disappointed. I wanted to see Jasper. I would have to look for him tomorrow because there was no way I would be able to later, after my treatment. Curled up in my bed was the only place I'd be this evening.

The hall was already warming due to the excess body heat. I felt flushed and my palms were sweaty as I approached the lunch queue and stood in line. The stench assaulted my nostrils and I almost gagged. I wished I'd worn my cardigan, at least, then I could have blocked my nose by burying it in the sleeve. I heard a little splash as I came to a stop at the end of the line. Automatically, I looked down at my feet, then back to the old lady in front of me, then back to my feet.

I stood in a dark, yellowish puddle.

_Urine_, I thought with a sigh.

Nothing fazed me in this place anymore.

I moved to the side and prayed for the line to reduce in numbers quickly. The noise level rose as knives and forks clattered, pot and pans clanged, and the patients chatted all around me.

This was my idea of hell.

The sounds echoed off the plain, white washed walls. These walls were covered with a fresh coat of paint once a month to cover up the food splatter.

The line of people shuffled forward. A patient howled near the front and aides hurried over and carted him away. I just kept my head down, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

I ate in record speed, finishing within ten minutes of finding my seat. That left me enough time to briefly visit my room before my treatment. After leaving my room, I made my way to the nurse's bathroom. This room was reserved especially for ice bath treatments.

On my way, I met the aide who would be supervising me. Sadly, it was not Laurent this time. It was Sarah, a female aide whom I 'd met before. Once in the bathroom, I stripped to my bra and knickers, and then eyed the aide until she turned around. I knew the drill, but it didn't mean I liked it. Once her back was turned, I slipped out of my undergarments, and quickly covered my naked body with a terry-cloth dressing gown. I sat on a cold mental framed chair until I was told to get in the tub.

The bath was half-filled with cold water. Once I got in, it would be filled to the top with ice.

"Alright, Alice. All ready."

I let the dressing gown fall from my shoulders and land in a heap on the floor. I was used to being naked in front of the aides and nurses by now since I'd had so many baths under my belt, but that didn't make it any less discomforting. I truly hated this part, the first moments of getting in. I quickly sunk to my knees. My teeth chattered at an alarming rate as I gripped both bath handles and dunked the rest of my body under the water.

I was in.

The water bobbed around me as I slowly froze. I tried to concentrate on the aide who stood across from me, tidying up my dressing gown on the wicker chair for when I got out. She checked her watch, and then began pouring buckets of ice in the bath.

"Alice," she spoke. "I'm just stepping out for a moment. You'll be alright, won't you? Just sit tight, I won't be long."

I wanted to laugh. Where was I going to go? I was sure that my legs wouldn't work, even if I wanted them to.

I knew that as much as she assured me she wouldn't be long, five minutes would become fifteen as she stood outside smoking a cigarette and then came inside to make a pot of tea for herself. She was one of the nice ones, so I didn't really mind. There was a lot of rule breaking in this place.

Whether she was here or not, I still had to remain in this bath, so it didn't matter to me how long she took.

I looked around the familiar room, looking for a distraction as my brain grew sluggish, but I found nothing. I knew every inch of this room so instead, I let my mind drift. I thought of Laurent, and of Jasper. I also thought of my parents and wondered if they would ever come to visit. I'd sent them few letters home and had received a handful in return, but they had still to answer my question of when I could come home. I asked them that very same question in each and every letter but received no reply. They refused to even acknowledge that I inquired about it.

I had a dark and brooding feeling that I would never get to go home again. Even without my visions, my gut feelings were usually right. That thought made me sick to my stomach.

By the time the aide returned, I couldn't feel my body. I was numb. I had many iced baths before, in order to wake me up from my comatose state, but only a few where a vision hadn't been involved. These baths were worse, much worse than the other baths because my mind was clear, unmuzzled from a vision or depression. My whole body shook, so much so that I couldn't stand up. The aide left for a moment and came back with a male aide and instructed him to lift me out. He scooped me out of the water and sat me down on the metal chair, still dripping wet.

I was so cold that I didn't care I was naked in a man's arms. It didn't register because I couldn't even think straight. My eyes rolled back into my head so I couldn't see. I was helpless. Something soft covered my trembling form and someone rubbed me semi-dry. My body relaxed as strong arms stood me up once again and placed me in a wheelchair, which they always had waiting outside the bathroom to transport patients back to their rooms. My head rested against the hard frame as he pushed me along the corridor.

Later that night, as I recovered in my bed, I heard rattling along the corridor. I recognized the noise immediately for every day the medication trolley came to my room. When I first arrived at Danvers, it came in the mornings before my morning shower. Now I took my medication at night because of my newly prescribed sleeping pills.

I loved taking a shower each morning. The showers were easier to get to now that I'd been moved from my temporary room up in the attic, to my new one, not long after I'd recovered from my first vision here. Now, I was a patient on Ward B, the main communal ward for the more able patients. It had both a male and female corridor connected by a lounge which was locked at ten o'clock sharp every evening to prevent the different sexes from mixing during the night. We were only trusted to mix in the waking hours when we could be properly supervised.

A sudden knock on my door make me jump, which was silly as I knew what was coming. But I was so lost in thought and I blamed the presence of cold in my brain.

"Good evening, Alice," Nurse Hilda sang as she opened the door and stepped inside. She held a plastic cup filled with water and a smaller one containing two tablets. Hilda was one of the nicest nurses here at Danvers. She always had a big smile on her face and a kind word for everyone she came across.

"I hear you're getting a roommate tomorrow. How nice, Alice! I bet you'll be glad to have company after being on your own for so long."

_A__ roommate__?!_

"Oh, I didn't know. Really? I would've thought someone would've mentioned that to me." My words come out choppy, like I'd only just learned to talk, because my body and my mind were still thawing from my ice bath.

I scanned the room in a panic. They rested on all my familiar things. Alright, so they were few and far between, not as many as I would have liked, but enough so that the room looked lived in and...well..._mine._

The thought of having to share my space with someone else didn't seem very appealing.

"At least you'll make a new friend," she exclaimed. "I don't think I've seen you talk to anybody since you got here."

I smiled at her enthusiasm, knowing she meant well. I took the cups from Nurse Hilda, and awkwardly swallowed the pills down. My throat was tight and they were very big. Handing her back the empty cup, I coughed and spluttered a little. My eyes watered as the pills scratched my esophagus on the way down.

"Thank you," I managed "What time will my roommate arrive tomorrow? Do you know?"

She patted my back gently and chuckled. "Don't worry, child, you'll soon get used to swallowing them foul tasting pills. As for your roommate - I'm not sure, dear - not long after lunch, I suppose."

She stepped towards the door. "Well, good night, Alice. Don't let the bed bugs bite," she giggled. "Oh, and don't forget - lights out in thirty minutes."

The door closed behind her and I laughed. How could I forget? The lights went out automatically. I snorted through my nose.

Although I was nervous about a stranger staying in my room, now that I gave it more thought, I was also a bit excited to have a roommate. Nurse Hilda was right. I hadn't spoke to anybody but the Danvers staff since my arrival. I didn't count James or Jasper because those conversations were mostly one-sided. I wondered if my roommate was the girl in the red cardigan.

I really hoped it would be.

Now, it seemed, tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

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**A/N _A double pov chappy next week. You readers who reply own me, thank you :)_**


	11. Shelter From The Storm

**A/N _Thank you to my wonderful beta MissAlex. If you've not read her story -Rebel Without a Cause - I promise you won't regret it if you do. Link in my favourites._**

**_Elfin and Lea - thank you, your support means the world to me :)_**

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******Chapter Ten:**

**Shelter from the Storm**

_**Jasper**_

It had been five days.

Five days of torture.

Five days of waking, eating, watching and sleeping. My nerves were frayed and I was wired with my new mission.

Protect Alice.

At all costs.

After trying for weeks, I still couldn't manoeuvre myself onto her ward without Laurent getting in the way and blocking that from happening. I had only just managed it with the help of my therapist. We were just waiting for the paperwork, and then I would have access to her.

I had a plan - a way I could see her without any interference, like during lunch, or in the lounge - but only if I was placed on janitor duty.

Phase one: Complete.

Phase two: In progress.

I watched her as much as I could without being noticed by her or Laurent, who was by her fucking side constantly. He made it very difficult, but I had expected this, planned for it.

It was surprising how quickly I recovered from my breakdown in the shower room after I declared my new vow. My solemn promise was to get myself together quickly because Alice's life depended on it. There was no time for moping around and feeling sorry for myself. I had the shakes for a few days after, but I could deal with them.

I'd dealt with a lot worse.

Last week, I heard Laurent and Alice talking about electric-shock therapy. I'd had that myself, due to my mood _disorder, _soI knew how messed up she would be afterwards. I decided that was the best time to make contact with her. All I needed was to find out when her treatments were.

Although I was nervous, due to the fact that I would pick up her raw, emotional feelings, I hoped that I could also use my ability to soothe her and help her recover quicker. Plus, it would help me become her friend easier because maybe I could gain her trust. I hoped she would see me as a good thing.

I _was_ a good thing. She'd find that out if she only gave me a chance.

Laurent still scared the crap out of me. He continually taunted me and showed me up in front of the other patients and I hated him for that. But I noticed that he was always careful not to do it in front of Alice. I guessed he wanted to keep up his façade. Never for a moment did I suspect that Laurent would figure out my obsession with Alice. I was careful and he was too obsessed himself to notice anything going on around him.

Scraping my chair back along the floor, I picked up my tray of uneaten slop and carried it to the waste disposal hatch. Without looking back, I left the canteen, my gaze to the ground as usual.

Just as I rounded the corner, I smacked right into someone. I looked up.

"Mary?" I asked, shocked, making me break our unspoken rule. "What are you doing here? I thought you got out?"

She stared blankly at me, with red eyes immersed in dark shadows. She looked worse than usual. I closed my mouth quickly and looked over my shoulder.

The coast was clear so I slowly brought my hand up to her arm. Instead of responding, she shrank away from me and scuttled off down the corridor. I was puzzled and did nothing more than stare after her, confused.

Over the last three years, Mary suffered just as much as I had. We were both aware of each other and what we dealt with from Laurent, but we never spoke directly. I wasn't surprised that she was so indifferent to my attempt at conversation.

I was just so shocked when I saw her. I thought she'd played the doctor and got out of here. Obviously, I was wrong. Something must have happened.

After walking through the maze of dimly lit corridors, back to my room, I flung myself across the bed and rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling. I had a couple of hours to kill before art therapy.

Sitting up, I reached over and picked up my _Play Ball_baseball card set and began gently thumbing the cards - Hughie Jennings, Beau Bell, Bing Miller, Doc Cramer. I let their familiar faces bring me comfort. I lay back down, letting the memories relax my tense body.

As I closed my eyes, I knew that the imagery that played before my eyes wasn't real. But still, I welcomed the dream.

_I watch helplessly as my mother drifts off to sleep. Her dark eyelashes flutter gently against her pale cheeks. My cards are tucked in my pyjama top's pocket and I want to take them out, but I'm scared I may wake her. The rest of my family are asleep too. _

_I stay still, my head resting on her soft belly, watching her beautiful face as her lips part and her chest rises and falls with each shallow breath. Her thumb makes circular patterns in the hollow of my back and it makes me sleepy. _

_I lift my head slightly and look around the main room of the commune. I see Marvin with his mom. They're asleep too. I wonder why we are all sleeping in the lounge. I rest my head on my mother again, not liking being the only one awake._

I woke up, but I didn't move.

_Always the same dream_, I thought bitterly.

I stared at the water-stained ceiling, letting the memories fade to black before swinging my legs off the sheet-less mattress. Standing up, I stretched out my stiff joints.

Crouching down to the floor, I picked up the fallen cards and threw them on the bedside table. I left the room, only to walk back in and carefully place the cards under my pillow.

It was now time for art therapy. It was the only time I felt human. The only time I felt my true sense of self. As I walked down the barren corridors, I took my time. I didn't want to reach class too soon. As I continued on, my spirits rose, just from the anticipation of where I was going. I savoured every second, wanting to draw out the pleasurable feeling for as long as possible.

Even though I paced myself, I still felt I arrived there too soon, but I was glad to see that I was the last to enter, as usual. They all waited for me, each patient behind an easel.

My easal stood alone in the corner. I walked to it and grabbed an apron that was hung on a peg on the far wall. I put it on, in preparation of the class today.

It was painting day.

I was hoping for some clay work, but painting was good too.

"Glad you could make it, Whitlock," Gloria smirked. She was the rudest but the most honest person in this damn place.

I mouthed _hello _and shrugged. We had our own way of communicating. She was okay most of the time.

She had wacky hair.

I liked wacky hair.

She asked probing and intrusive questions, always pushing me to look deeper inside myself. Sometimes I looked too deep and it would scare me, so I would just paint anything that came into my mind to try and sooth my fear.

As my therapist, of course, she always liked my shit. Wasn't that the response they were supposed to have? Even so, I welcomed the praise. But I knew by the way she smiled that she thought I needed to be more honest with myself. What surprised me was that I always tried to do right by her.

Unhooking the apron, I tied it behind my back and picked up my supply case, selecting my favourite sized paint brush.

I was ready.

Just as I picked up my brush, the door opened, and in stepped one of the councillors, and with her, my whole reason for living.

The vision of an angel.

_My_ angel.

My paint brush fell to the floor as I stood gaping at her, open-mouthed. She looked nervous as she stood in the doorway but to me, she never looked more beautiful.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

* * *

_**Alice**_

"So Alice, what do you think?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah, sounds good," I whispered, accompanying my verbal reply with a small nod.

I sat with Nancy at my weekly counselling session and I tried desperately to remember what she had just said this moment. Something about therapy?

"Were you even listening to me just then, Alice?" she asked.

_No._

But, of course, I didn't say that out loud. Truthfully, my mind had slipped into the only memory of Jasper it held, but there was no way I would share that with her.

It had been almost two weeks since the shower incident, and I'd not heard about him or seen him since. It was like he'd just disappeared into thin air.

And Mary? It had almost been two weeks since that poor shell of a human being had moved in to my room, and she _still_ hadn't spoken a single word to me.

I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Alice!" the councillor barked, bringing my mind sharply back to the present. I looked at her, startled, as she patiently repeated her last statement.

"I think you would really benefit from attending that class. I know it is experimental, but it's been running for a few months now and seems to be quite successful," she smiled.

Her eyebrows furrowed together when I didn't respond. "Did you hear what I said?" she repeated as she leaned forward in her chair. "Art therapy, Alice. I think it would be good for you. What do you think?"

"I've never heard of it. What would I have to do?"

"Do...? Why you don't have to _do_ anything except express yourself. It's a creative class, which uses painting and drawing and various other art forms to convey your thoughts...emotions... They do group sessions or individual ones. I really think group classes would be the most beneficial for you."

I shrugged my shoulders and contemplated her words.

"Well, it does sound interesting," I mused.

Suddenly, a jolt of excitement shot through my body as a memory flashed through my mind, and I sat up straighter in my seat. "Actually, it sounds really great!" I exclaimed.

Sliding to the edge of my seat, I eagerly awaited more details. I'd almost forgotten how much I adored drawing. I used to do a lot of it at home and it would be fun to learn how to paint as well. Plus, it would ease my boredom and make the days pass quicker.

"Well, the next class is - hold on - ah, yes, today actually." She flipped her wrist and checked her watch. Her eyebrows drew together in concentration. "We could still make it. It just started a few minutes ago. I could take you down and introduce you if you'd like."

Without waiting for my reply, she stood, ready to go. I felt flustered. I was eager, but did I have to go now? So soon?

Well, I supposed it was now or never.

I took Nancy's lead and stood up.

I cleared my throat softly and wiped my sweaty palms on the side of my pants. "Yes, alright."

I was panicked, which was silly. Art therapy would be great for me. I took a few deep breathes to steady my nerves, and followed her out of the room.

It didn't take long to reach the art therapy room because, as Nancy explained on the quick journey, all of the therapy classes were housed in the same block.

She knocked on the door to announce our arrival, and without waiting for someone to respond, she pushed it open.

"Here we are. Come on in," she instructed as she placed her arm on my lower back, ushering me into the room. Hesitantly, I stepped over the threshold. A woman dressed in loose fitting dungaree's, with crazy curls for hair, stood scowling at us from the front of the class.

I felt extremely self-conscious and conspicuous standing before everyone. All eyes were on me and I felt as though everyone was judging me. I swallowed hard and scanned the room. One person stood behind each wooden art easel. There were more students in this class than I had expected. After all of my one-on-one therapy sessions, this was certainly new to me. A few faces peeped out from behind the canvases, their curiosity getting the better of them.

"Can I help you?" the teacher asked sharply. She beckoned Nancy over with a quick flap of her hand. I stood frozen on the spot, my fear and the weight of the many watchful eyes, keeping me in place.

The room was quite chaotic. There was art equipment scattered everywhere and paint splattered all over the walls and floor. It was a total mess, but it somehow felt welcoming and friendly.

Something fell on the floor with a clatter, capturing my attention. My eyes shot in the direction of the noise which shattered the silence of the room. I located a fallen paintbrush, and watched as the owner of the tool bent down to pick it up. The person's hand curled around the object and lifted it off the ground.

My gaze slowly lifted, following the lean form of the paintbrush owner, which was covered by an apron. Higher, I travelled, landing on a beautiful set of eyes. From where I stood, they looked hazel and to my uneasiness, yet sheer delight, I noticed they stared directly at me, burrowing into the depths of my being. My breath caught in my throat and for a moment, the world stopped.

_Jasper!_

We stood facing each other across the room, our eyes locked, as butterflies fluttered about in my stomach. I couldn't believe that the broken creature I found on the shower room floor was this gorgeous man standing right here before me. But as I looked at his stunning hair, beautiful skin, and piercing eyes, I knew without a doubt, it was him.

I also knew, with no reservations, that I _had_ to take this class. With this new declaration to myself, all of my fear dissipated, and for the first time in a long time, I smiled genuinely to myself.

I had a feeling that this art therapy class would not only help my mind, but my soul as well. For at this moment, I felt as though I'd reclaimed something I thought I'd lost long ago.

My identity.

My true sense of self.

Faintly, I recalled my mantra with determination and a sense of completeness as I studied Jasper and his glorious stare.

_I am..._

_I am Alice... _

_I am Alice Brandon..._

_____________________________________________________________________


	12. Almost Easy

**A/N _My beta MissAlex is wonderful, and without her support this story wouldn't be. Read her story Rebel Without A Cause www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4912876/1/Rebel_Without_A_Cause and her new story co written with Larin20 Every October www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5450991/1/Every_October_**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: **

**Almost Easy**

_**Alice  
**_  
We stared at each other, neither of us making a sound, as my world stood still.

Inside me, a war waged.

Do I say something to Jasper about the shower incident, or keep quiet about the whole thing?

Not that I could talk about that private matter in the middle of a class, but if we were ever alone, and the opportunity presented itself, was it proper to bring it up?

As I searched his eyes from across the room, I wondered if he was pleased to see me. But then I silently chastised myself for being so silly. I highly doubted that he would recognize me in the first place, never mind invest any emotions into me. He was far too distraught the last time I saw him to even know I was there.

Without knowing what else to do, I decided to smile. However, my face was so tight that I was sure it looked more like a grimace than a positive expression. Jasper's eyebrows knitted together, so I tried again. It didn't help that my mouth felt like it was full of sand.

The corners of my mouth twitched skyward as I willed them higher. It must have been working, or at least resembled something of a smile, because just as I was about to look away, embarrassed, his face lit up.

His expression was so infectious that I beamed too.

So we stared at each other in the middle of the art therapy session, both of us smiling at each other ridiculously, and my world continued to stand still. But that was _definitely_ a good thing.

_Nothing out of the ordinary at all_, I thought to myself as I suppressed a nervous giggle.

My spell was broken when Nancy called my name.

"Alice?! Alice, dear, come here and meet Gloria, your new art therapy councillor," she exclaimed as she gestured to the front of the room. She looked triumphant as I walked towards her.

I felt all eyes on me, but my high beam reflected their hungry stares, and I felt invincible. My feet didn't drag. I didn't trip. My walk exuded a confidence I didn't even know I possessed. I felt taller and prouder than ever before.

And it was all because of _him_.

_Jasper._

I'd found him. And hopefully, I would get to spend two hours a week in the same class as him.

I stood next to Nancy, my back to the class, and she smiled at the instructor. "Gloria, this is Alice, and Alice, this is Gloria." She looked back and forth between the two of us as though she expected an exuberant greeting.

But I kept mine cordial. "It is nice to meet you, Gloria," I smiled sweetly. I felt comforted by Jasper, whose eyes were still focused on me. I didn't need to look at him to know that. I felt it in the warm glow that spread throughout my body.

"Welcome, welcome dear, Alice." Her tone matched my formality and she was actually a lot nicer than I'd originally thought when I entered the room to her scowl. "We've already started the class," she continued. "But never mind, I'm sure you'll catch up when you start your first session next week."

My heart fell when I realized that I wouldn't be staying for this session, but at least I was allowed in the class.

"But I would like to see you one-on-one before next class. Say...Tuesday, just after lunch?" She tilted her head, awaiting my reply.

"Um, yes, that sounds great," I responded, Jasper's stare still warming my back.

Gloria continued speaking very fast, hardly pausing for breath as she flapped her hands around wildly. Her hair bounced slightly as she pronounced each syllable.

I chanced a quick peek over my shoulder.

He was still there, statue still with the paint brush in hand. Everyone else continued staring at me, but they didn't scare me. Not with Jasper in the same room.

"Alright, thank you very much for accepting Alice into your sessions," Nancy announced. "Say thank you, Alice..."

I pried my eyes from Jasper's and turned around. "Oh, excuse me. Yes, thank you, Gloria, and I'm very sorry I interrupted your session."

"Think nothing of it, dear," she replied. "Only from now on, don't be late. I'll see you in my office on Tuesday." She dismissed me with a wave of her hand and stepped forward towards the class, continuing with the session as though I'd never interrupted in the first place.

My eyes didn't leave Jasper's until I was ushered out the door and it shut behind me.

"I'm sorry that you couldn't start right away, but I think Gloria would like to assess you beforehand," Nancy explained as she led me by the elbow down the corridor.

When we reached a crossroad we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.  
Once I returned to my ward, I headed straight for my room. But as I thought about it more, I halted in my tracks.

Mary would be there. She always was, with her silent brooding.

I was in such high spirits, I didn't know if I wanted to deal with her right now. I remembered the day of her expected arrival. I'd been edgy all morning, knowing that someone was coming to invade my space. But I felt even worse, not knowing who it would be. I was shocked when I saw her standing in the doorway even though I had wished many times that it would be her.

Just before her arrival, I sat on my bed re-reading the few letters I'd received from my parents. They made me feel melancholy and homesick so I decided to write one back, demanding to know when exactly I would be allowed home.

Around lunchtime, the door to my room opened and a nurse ushered somebody inside. I leaned over, edging myself precariously over the side of my bed, straining to see who would be my Danvers companion.

_The girl in the red cardigan._I was startled by the slightness of her. Her cardigan was frayed around the cuffs and when I stared more carefully, it looked dirty. The nurse, whose name I'd forgotten, gently pushed her inside the room.

"Alice, meet your new roommate, Mary." She said the introduction with a slight strain in her voice and a small smile plastered across her face. "Mary, this is Alice. I hope that you two will be great friends.

"Hello," I sang as I swung my legs off the bed and stood up. But instead of receiving an equally friendly reply, Mary visibly shrank back, edging herself as far away from me as she could. I stepped back myself, trying to keep out of her personal space, even though I was far enough away as it was.

"Come on, Mary. Alice doesn't bite," the nurse said impatiently.

Mary winced and I remembered being perplexed by her reaction.

As I reached my room, I sighed and spun on my heels, changing my course. I decided that I wasn't in the mood for Mary's silent treatment right row - not with all the excitement that raced through my veins. I walked back the way I came, not knowing where I was headed. All I knew was that I wasn't going back to my room.

Just as I rounded the first corner, a sudden shot of pain flashed from my forehead to the back of my skull, crippling me. I fell to my knees immediately and wrapped my arms around my head, silently willing the pain to cease.

I screwed my eyes shut, doubting that I would ever be able to cope with this throbbing as a fuzzy image appeared in my mind and played like a silent movie behind my closed eyelids.

I gasped when I saw Jasper in my vision. I was _sure_ that it was him.

But he wasn't alone.

He stood with Laurent and both of their faces were angry. Their lips moved rapidly but I heard nothing. As the image began to fade, it became more unclear.

I steadied myself by placing my hand flat against the wall as my vision subsided, leaving me breathless. I stayed like that for a few minutes until my breathing returned to normal. I was very puzzled and frustrated.

What was the point of having visions if I couldn't decipher them?

Briefly, I wondered if the medication or the treatments interfered with them. But then I recalled that ever since puberty, they'd grown increasingly vague. Gone were the simple, clear visions from my childhood.

Slowly, I stretched, corrected my posture, and decided to return to my room. The vision had tired me greatly and the allure of my comfortable bed outweighed any apprehension I had about facing sullen Mary.

Dragging my feet, I manoeuvred the hallway and returned within a few minutes. Exhaling deeply, I turned the knob on the door leading to what used to be my peaceful sanctuary.

_____________________________________________________________________

_**Jasper **_

I left my art therapy session with the biggest smile plastered on my face. I felt like a stupid son-of-a-bitch, but I didn't care. I couldn't believe my angel had just walked into my class out of the blue. This was my chance to talk to her, I just knew it. But I had to tread carefully so I wouldn't mess anything up and scare her away. I decided to let things progress naturally.

The spring in my step propelled me down the eerily quiet corridor. I smiled even wider as her face appeared in my mind. She was beautiful, her unique, short spiky hair adding to her loveliness.

Unexpectedly, something pushed me with great force against the wall. The air rushed out of my lungs upon impact, and escaped my lips with a hiss, rendering me breathless.

Within seconds, his face was in mine.

_Laurent.  
_  
The mask he wore around Alice was gone. Instead, his face was twisted with rage.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Whitlock?" he spat, pressing his forearm across my throat. I made weird choking noises as he pushed me up against the wall harder. Loose strands of his hair flapped in my eyes, irritating them, and causing them to water.

He looked furious. His low growl burrowed into my ears, invading all of my senses, and his familiar smell triggered a switch in my brain which surged adrenaline through my veins.

But this time, instead of being compliant, I fought back. I wasn't a helpless blood patron any longer.

"Back the fuck off, Laurent!" I sneered bravely through my clenched jaw and gritted teeth. The restraint in my voice wavered slightly but I remained in control.

His hollow laugh rang in my ears. "Why? What are _you_ going to do, human?"

Words of warning to stay away from Alice simmered on the tip of my tongue, but I held them back. It would be a grave mistake to let that slip out. I didn't want him to know about my vow to protect her.

"What's your problem, Laurent? I've kept as far away from you as I possibly can."

"It's not me that I want you to keep away from, _donor_," he hissed. "If I catch you even looking at her again, I will fucking rip your throat out and feed it to my _friends_. If you think I'm bad, you haven't seen anything yet."

My eyes widened.

_How in the hell?_

He didn't even say her name because he knew that I knew who he referred to. I didn't care if he threatened me, but bringing Alice into this was intolerable.

Laurent smiled, studying my reaction. "That's right, lab rat. I know everything. Did you honestly think that you could sneak around spying on us and I wouldn't notice?" His voice sounded an octave higher than usual - the only indication that his emotions betrayed him.

My curiosity was piqued by this. I had no idea he had such an invested interest in her and I wondered what made her stand out to him. He regarded her higher than he ever had Mary and I.

"Did you think that you could put in a change-of-ward request and I wouldn't find out? I know about every fucking move you make, boy."

He increased the pressure on my throat and my vision blurred. I struggled to stay alert for I was afraid that I was going to pass out at any moment. I couldn't let that happen. I was in enough danger already.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I squeaked.

"I'm not playing games with you, Jasper. Stay. The. Fuck. Away!" He pronounced each word venomously, saliva spraying in my face "This is your first and final warning. The girl is mine. Mine!"

He gave one last shove with his forearm and jerked away from me, holding my gaze as I slid down to the ground, fighting for breath. I battled to bring oxygen into my lungs, refusing to succumb to the darkness that threatened to take over. But when his heavy boot slammed into my stomach, I doubled over instantly and almost passed out cold.

The air flew through my compressed windpipe and out of my mouth with a hiss once again. I slumped down, curling myself up into a ball on the ground, struggling to breathe.

After a few moments of fear and desperation, my vision returned, just in time for me to watch Laurent edging backwards, his face still distorted with disgust.

His top lip curled over his teeth. "I don't know why I even bother keeping you around anymore," he taunted "Nobody would notice if you were to disappear. Now watch your back, boy. You _really_ don't want to bump into me in a deserted corridor again. Not if you want to stay alive, that is."

He pulled his leg back and with a full swing, brought it forward, and pummelled it right into my neck. My head jerked backwards and hit the wall with a sickening crack. A long moan escaped my lips and thick, warm liquid dripped from my mouth, pooling beneath my cheek on the cold, tiled floor.

His boots came to stop mere centimetres away from my face, and I felt the cool breeze as he kneeled down beside me. Through my hazy vision, I watched him drag his finger through the puddle of my blood. Bringing it to his mouth, he grinned as he sucked the dark red liquid off his hand.

Letting out a trembling breath, I shut my eyes as he stood up and strode down the corridor. I tried to open my heavy lids as the sound of Lauren's steps faded, but I couldn't move. I was surprised I was still conscious. I attempted to roll over onto my stomach but the pain caused me to stop. Instead, I folded my arms across my chest and remained still until the nausea passed and my breathing returned to normal.

Gathering the strength, I pushed myself up with my arms and swung my body around so I sat against the wall. I coughed a little, and then spit out the blood that filled my mouth. It sprayed onto the floor in front of me. Touching my head, I felt more blood.

Then a thought hit me with the force of a tidal wave.

_He wasn't even tempted._

My blood spilled out right in front of him but he had one quick taste and was easily able to walk away.

He truly didn't need me anymore.

But that's not what troubled me. It was something else entirely that made me feel ill.

If he was no longer tempted by me, then that meant one thing...

Alice was going to be my substitute – and soon.

I knew this because Laurent couldn't go long without feeding and if he didn't want me or Mary, he'd have to look elsewhere immediately.

This realization made my head spin and I vomited all over the floor.

_____________________________________________________________________

* * *


	13. The Man Who Played God

**A/N MissAlex - THANK YOU! Seriously, you're the best :) I OWN NOTHING - except my BB :)**

**If you follow me or any other author from the Twi-verse you will have heard of Alex's Lemonade Stand**

**www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Please follow the link.  
**

* * *

******Chapter Twelve:**

**The Man Who Played God**

_**Jasper**_

I sat completely still. My body throbbed and my head spun wildly. I didn't know how long I remained in that dismal corridor, wallowing in self-pity, but I knew it had been long enough. I had to move. My legs were bent beneath me, numb, and it was difficult for me to shift them.

The pounding of my heart was deafening, drowning out the silence of the building around me as I sat slumped against the wall, adrenaline pumping wildly through my veins.

Using the palms of my hands, I pushed myself up off the floor and a dull pain shot through my jaw and neck. I spat out a mouthful of saliva and clotted blood, and after wiping my sickly mouth with the back of my hand, I began making my way down the corridor.

My legs felt weak and I desperately needed to wash. I figured I'd best get cleaned up first as I would only get questioned about the blooded sheets if anyone was to find them. I was shaken and edgy as it was so I didn't want anyone to see me and give me awkward looks.

Feeling humiliated was punishment enough but it would be worse once the sympathetic glances started, so I kept close to the wall with my head hung low, my feet shuffling the across ground. I managed to make it to the bathroom, and then to my room without incident. It must have taken me about an hour as each movement was slow and laboured.

Lying on my bed, the beads of sweat on my forehead began to dry.

_Fucking Laurent.  
_  
Who did he think he was?

I was frustrated that I couldn't do anything to stop him. Powerless.

The pain originating from in the back of my head seared through my veins so I stood up and sat by the window where there was just enough ledge to perch my self upon. It wasn't comfortable, but no position would be with my body as beat up as it was.

I looked out at the grounds of the facility. Every window in Danvers had a spectacular view.

It was overcast but bright - a typical October day - and there were only a few patients out in the garden. Each patient had to have a grounds pass in order to go outside and not everyone could get one. People with jobs usually received one and it was dead certain that you'd get one if you were someone's favourite.

My eyes scanned the leaf covered paths and the rows of trees. I liked to watch people when they thought they were going about unnoticed. It was this natural observation which allowed me to witness their true nature and intent. When I watched Laurent closely, I could see the subtle changes in his eyes, depending on his need to feed.

Shifting my position, I glanced towards the base of the largest oak tree and noticed a couple sitting beneath it on a mossy-green bench. I squinted to make out their identities. It was the girl's hair that made me take a second look. I'd recognise that short, black, unevenly cut hair anywhere.

_Alice.  
_  
It took me a few seconds to realize that her companion was Laurent. Hatred and anger flushed my cheeks and I stood up, pressing my body against the wire mesh covering the glass in order to get a closer look.

"Alice!" I called as I pushed myself away from the window, ramming my palms into the wire mesh with as much strength I could manage with my bruised body. As I studied their faces, I realized that something was wrong.

"Alice!" My voice broke.

I froze as their movements became animated. Laurent towered over Alice as she remained sitting on the bench.

"ALICE!" I screamed, desperation lacing my voice. My face collided with the window.

Laurent face was now twisted with rage. Alice looked vulnerable and her lower lip trembled. She stood up quickly with a determined look on her face as she placed her hands on her hips.

I couldn't stand it. I staggered backwards and rammed my right shoulder into the window. The mesh screen split and the glass cracked, providing me with an altered, obstructed view of Alice.

Turning on my heels, I flew out of the room, pain and bruises forgotten.

She needed me, of this I was sure, and I wasn't about to let her down. I had to get to her. I was worthless without my vow to protect her. As I ran down the corridor, I repeated Alice's name over and over again in my mind.

With no time to lose, I raced past the aides and nurses, whose calls I ignored. All I could think about was that I needed to get to Alice. Would he attack her when she wasn't looking?! That was Laurent's typical M.O.

I had to get to an opened door. The problem was that the only one that would be unlocked was in the main reception room, which was protected by aides and the nurse from hell.

But I couldn't think about that now. I just kept running. Shoes pounded the tiled floor behind me but I didn't turn around or slow down. I was almost there. I just had the aides and nurse to pass now.

I spotted the aides first - there were two of them, chatting together. One had his feet on the desk, and the other played with his keys as he sat beside him. With all of the commotion, they looked up and rose from their chairs.

They looked bewildered, but they stood shoulder to shoulder, blocking my way. I was going to have to use my body as a battering ram to get through them.

Rushing forward with my body tight, I braced myself for the impact. My shoulder hit the door before they could grab me, and it swung open with a bang. Just as I stepped outside, I felt strong arms wrap around my waist and a large figure tackled me to the ground.

Everything moved in slow motion as the aide landed heavily on top of me. The second aide was on my legs in an instant, and all I could think about was Alice.

Alice.

Sweet, innocent Alice, outside and alone with Laurent.

Laurent was a vampire. _My _Alice was with Laurent, a vampire.

A strangled cry emanated from my chest as I fought back. I had the strength of two men as I managed to roll myself over onto my side, the aides struggling to pin me down. The pain from Laurent's beating earlier hindered my movements but I was able to get myself onto all fours. From there, all I had to do was get to my feet.

But it was too late. The cavalry arrived and I was wrestled back onto my stomach, my hands forcibly tied behind my back as a white jacket was put on my body.

Tears of frustration spilled down my cheek as a needle was jabbed into to my arm. I was lifted up and this time I didn't fight. Defeated, I was carried along the corridor by four aides. I knew where I was going. The same place I always went when I stepped out of line - solitary.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_**Alice**_

I felt energized after my surprise meeting with the one and only Jasper. My body and mind felt alive as I paced my room, which was void of Sullen Mary, desperate to talk to someone. Anybody.

Leaving my room, I entered the lounge and noticed there were only a couple of other patients around, either playing board games on the small round game tables, or sitting on the sofas. The sofa looked like a good choice so I sat down on the largest one, picking up a book off of the nearby end table.

Sarah sat beside me watching a cartoon program on the television. I kicked off my plimsolls and tucked my legs underneath me.

Even though I had been at Danvers for over three months now, I had yet to have a proper conversation with any of the other patients, aside from the brief chat I had with James. I wanted to change that. I thought Mary would be my friend but that didn't turn out too well so I had to look elsewhere. Without looking at the title of the book, I flipped through the pages, sneaking glimpses of Sarah out of the corner of my eye in the process.

I only knew her name because I overheard a nurses call out to her once. She had short hair, a podgy face, and she always seemed to be eating. Goodness knows where she obtained the constant stream of food. As I took my third peek, our eyes met briefly before she focused back on the television.

"Hello," I greeted casually.

"Hi," she replied, keeping her eyes on the screen. "I heard you have your first shock treatment next week, is that true?" Her blue eyes once again locked with mine. I was surprised by her bold statement.

My first treatment was next week but I didn't like to think about it. But now I was reminded. My face turned red and I didn't know how to respond to her.

"Um, yes," I answered hesitantly, trying to regain my composure. I shouldn't have been shocked that she knew. Gossip travelled fast in this place.

"That's too bad. Anyway, don't forget take some tissues with you when you go." Her lips curled into a smile.

"Why?"

"To mop up your dribble, stupid," she giggled. My eyebrows furrowed at her perplexing statement. "Don't worry, you'll be okay. The first one is always the worst. Just try to relax, that's the key. Don't fight it." She placed her warm hand on my arm and squeezed it reassuringly.

I relaxed my face into a smile. "Have you been here long?"

She shrugged. "A while, I guess. Is this your first time in an institution? This is my first time at Danvers but I've been admitted to other places before. What are you in here for?" She took a deep breath and then giggled. "I'm sorry. I nearly chewed your ear off. They always tell me I talk too much."

A small chuckle escaped my lips. It seemed like she and I could be friends. "Yes, it is my first stay at an institution. I've been here at Danvers just over three months now."

"I knew it!" she snapped her fingers. "I'm good at guessing things and I'm almost always right." Her smile was infectious and I giggled. She didn't notice that I refrained from answering her last question though.

I was still conversing with Sarah when I spotted him across the lounge. He was handing out some kind of leaflet to the few patients that passed by him.

With a smile plastered on my face, I waved. "Laurent!"

"You want to watch him. He's beautiful but very dangerous," Sarah whispered. The eerie tone of her voice made me uncomfortable.

I tore my gaze from Laurent's and looked at her. "He's been very kind to me so far. What makes you say that?"

She glanced in his direction and shifted in her seat. "Um, I'll tell you another time." She focused on the television again while I put on my shoes and stood up.

Strange girl.

Although, I suppose it was not proper for me to pass judgement on others when I was in this institution too.

I returned my unread book to the end table and walked towards Laurent, Sarah's warning forgotten.

"Sweet Alice, how are you child?" He grinned. "I've not seen you at all today. Have you been hiding from me?"

I suppressed a giggle and playfully slapped at his arm, which was strikingly cold compared to Sarah's. "No silly, I had counselling with Nancy, and then she took me to art class to meet Gloria."

He chuckled. "I tease you, my friend. Do you want to come for walk with me?"

My eyes lit up. "Yes, I'd love to. Where shall we walk?"

"This place is so huge little one, we could walk anywhere. But I have a surprise. Follow me, child."

Placing his cold hand on the small of my back, he led me out of the room and down the corridor.

"So, I hear you have a new roommate. What is she like?" he asked.

"Mary?" I sighed "Well, she's not as fun as I thought she'd be. Getting her to even speak to me is difficult enough."

I never thought that I would find it this hard to make friends. I never expected to keep them, I knew better than that, but I'd never had trouble _making_ them before.

"Yes, from what I've heard from the other aides, she seems to be a strange creature. My advice is to let her approach you. If she is not prepared to make the effort, child, then she isn't worth it."

We snaked our way through the dimly lit corridors, Laurent unlocking and then relocking a few of the doors to let us pass along the way. We fell silent as we reached a large door, which was almost lost among the shadows in its position under a set of stairs.

I was completely disorientated.

"Where are we, Laurent?" I asked as I looked around my unfamiliar surroundings. "I have never been here before."

"You shall see, Alice. You shall see…"

Removing his key chain from his belt clip, he opened the wide, rusty door. It gave a loud groan as it slowly swung open.

Daylight flooded the entrance and I gasped in surprise.

"Laurent!" I exclaimed as I stepped across the threshold.

Fresh air! And the sting of the crisp, cool breeze on my cheek! It was such a lovely surprise. I inhaled deeply, revelling in the way the outside elements energized me.

My heart beat wildly as I scanned the view with wide eyes. As I took another step, Laurent grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me back inside.

"Not so fast, little one," he instructed. "Wait one moment."

My heart fell. I was so close to freedom that I could smell the freshly cut grass and the crispness of fall in the air, and now I had to return inside. I swallowed back my disappointment.

"What is it, Laurent?" I asked. I inched closer to the open doorway.

"We can't be long, child. Just a quick walk along the path and then we must return."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Alright." I glanced outside. "Will I get in trouble if I walk the grounds?"

"If you are with me, it will be fine. But we can't be long."

He released my arm and I bolted out the door.

It was odd that he took me out through this exit and not the main one the other patients used, but I was too excited to dwell on that at the moment.

Inhaling deeply, I smiled, spreading my arms out at my sides. "Oh, Laurent! This is wonderful," I cried as twirled around, kicking the fallen leaves around me. I couldn't get enough and my lungs screamed for more.

I twirled myself back towards Laurent's side and he laughed, his eyes sparkling.

We continued to follow the winding stone path, which led us to a group of large oak trees near the back of the hospital. I'd never seen this part of the grounds before. I had seen the odd view from different windows around Danvers's, but nothing compared to walking around and experiencing it firsthand.

We stopped by the largest of the trees and Laurent gestured for me to sit down on the bench beneath it.

"Thank you so much for bringing me out today, Laurent," I smiled. I removed some fallen leaves off of the wooden slates and let them fall to the ground.

"Well, I have good news for you, little one, and what better way to tell you then outside with the refreshing autumn elements." He grinned, but he seemed different somehow.

Then I realized what it was. His eyes.

I studied his face, my eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "Your eyes look burgundy now. They didn't look like that before."

Laurent laughed as he shifted in his seat. "The daylight reflects off of them so it looks like they've changed colour. It happens all the time, child" I opened my mouth to question him further but he quickly changed the subject. "So, art therapy? That is wonderful. Have you made any friends yet?"

"No, not yet, unfortunately," My mouth formed a pout but it quickly transformed into a smile. "But there is this one boy, Jasper. Remember the one I discovered in the showers?"

Laurent's froze and his mouth formed a tight line.

"Stay away from that boy," he barked. The contrast in his tone startled me. His eyes pierced into mine so intently that I had to look away. I couldn't comprehend how he could make me feel a lot of conflicting emotions all at one time.

Lifted my head, I forced myself to remain strong. "What do you mean? What on earth is wrong with him?"

"He is bad news and I demand that you stay away from him. He's a fantasist, Alice. He will cause you nothing but trouble."

"What has he done?" I pleaded. I needed answers because the boy I saw in the showers and in the art therapy class did not match Laurent's description.

"Have I ever, in the three months of being your aide and confidant, done anything which has caused you to think that I would lie to you?"

I shook my head.

"Then do as I say and stay away," he ordered.

I jumped up from the hard, cold bench.

"How dare you demand that I stay away from someone without any explanation as to why?!" I shouted. I didn't want to cause a scene so I lowered my voice. "Whatever your reason, I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. I want to be Jasper's friend and you cannot tell me otherwise. I don't expect you to understand my reasons but I want to make up my own mind."

"You will NOT associate with that vermin," he spat. "I will make sure of it!" He leapt off the bench so quickly that he was nothing but a blur, and marched across the grass towards Danvers, leaving me standing alone under the large oak tree, my head in my hands, tears streaming down my face.


	14. Good Morning Spider

**A/N Thanks as always goes to my wonderful beta, MissAlex. There are three people keeping this fic going, you know who you are - I bow down to you all :) **

**So, I'm a little nervous posting this chapter. I hope you like it. Please concider C&P'ing the following link. Every year over 200,000 children worldwide are diagnosed with a form of childhood cancer. Do your bit to help the fandom give back ****http://www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com/**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen:**

**Good Morning Spider**

_**Jasper**_

Solitary - _again_.

Letting out a deep sigh, I turned onto my side and froze when I spotted a spider crawling up the thinly padded wall. My wide eyes did not leave the creature's fat, hairy abdomen as its long legs propelled it towards the ceiling. Exhaling a shaky breath, I felt a drop of sweat running from my temple down along the side of my face.

I hated spiders. Actually, I was terrified of them. As I studied my solitary cell mate, I was relieved that it headed in the direction opposite of where I lay. If it had come towards me, trussed as I was, there would be nothing I could do to stop it from crawling on my face - my worst nightmare. I shuddered and tried to shuffle my body further away from the wall. It was difficult without the use of my arms, which were tied behind my back by a strange white jacket.

My eyes had long since adjusted to the dim radiance of the room. I'd been in here for a few hours already, I guessed. The only light source shone through the letterbox sized hole in the door, the same hole that my breakfast tray would be posted through in the morning. I remembered that from my previous visits. It wasn't quite dark yet but the small room was bathed in the husky glow of the poorly lit lights in the corridor.

Why did I always find myself inside this cell?

It was worse than usual since my arms were bound. I was just lucky they didn't strap my ankles together as well. I wiggled my shoulders against the restriction, but I soon gave up. I was still feeling groggy from the sedative they'd injected into my arm earlier when they captured me outside on my way to save Alice.

_Alice._

There was a fucking spider in my cell, it was cold, damp and dark, and all I wanted to do was get out of here so I could find out if she was alright.

I hated it here.

As I breathed in deeply, a sharp pain radiated down my nose. I figured it was swollen from my struggle with the guards.

My mind roamed to Alice again.

I moved from my side onto my back, using my restraint-free legs to push my body up off the floor. With little difficulty, I managed to get myself into a sitting position with my back up against the wall. I let out a laboured breath and rested my head upon its cold surface, looking up, just to make sure that the spider had not suddenly decided to descend.

The arachnid was still far enough away from me, continuing its journey upwards, so I was safe - for now.

Thoughts of Alice consumed my consciousness and I hoped with all of my heart that she was okay. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything bad happened to her and I'd not been able to prevent it.

Out in the garden, Laurent was angry, but so was Alice. What surprised me was that she stood up to him. I didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, and I wouldn't know until I saw her again.

It was comforting that she wasn't afraid to confront him, but at the same time, she didn't know that he was not human. She was up against a creature so strong that she didn't have a chance of survival if he went after her. My spider companion in this cell now seemed like a less adverse opponent when compared to Laurent and I cursed myself for fearing it when there was a more dangerous enemy on the loose.

God, I was tired. My mouth felt dry and thick with thirst, and my throat felt raw from shouting for Alice earlier. My struggle with the guards, compounded with my violent run-in with Laurent earlier in the hall, made me a downright mess. Every part of my body ached.

I needed some sleep, and I needed Alice, but both were unattainable right now. My nose began to tickle so I turned my head towards the wall, my cheek flat against the soft pads, and moved my head up and down, generating enough friction to scratch the itch.

Once it disappeared, I turned my head away from the wall and closed my eyes, wondering how long I would be locked in here this time. The blood-sucking vampire was usually directly responsible for the majority of my stays in solitary confinement, but this time, I had no one to blame but myself. Even without his knowledge, he indirectly succeeded in getting me locked in here. It made me mad that he had such control over me still, even when it wasn't on purpose. I should've had more patience.

That was my life story. Patience was never my forte. If I'd only waited, Alice may have stormed off back into the building and then I could have sought her out.

It made me smile as I recalled Alice's beautiful face as she sat under the oak tree. I replayed the scene in my head, only this time, I added a new spin on things. I thought about her deep red lips, curled into a sneer, as she told Laurent that she belonged to _me_.

A bitter laugh escaped my lips. I shouldn't daydream about her because it would only get my hopes up for nothing. Alice would never be mine.

I smacked the back of my head against the padded wall, generating nothing more than a dull thud. I struggled against the sluggishness that encompassed my brain, but I didn't want to go to sleep with a spider crawling around or the threat of Laurent finding out I was in here and paying me a visit.

I tilted my head up, locating the spider once more. I was still safe, although it seemed to have changed its course and was now walking across the wall instead of up.

My vision was blurry and I knew I was slowly losing the battle against my exhaustion. My eyelids felt as heavy as lead and I wished I was able to rub my eyes with my hands and clear the haziness away. I growled in frustration, tugging at the white material that wouldn't budge, denying me the freedom I so desperately craved.

I tried to stay awake because my childhood memories were lurking in the corners of my subconscious, waiting for the moment I let go and drifted off, but it was no use. When I finally succumbed to my fatigue, images of my life with The Children of Elijah, danced behind my closed eyelids. I was unable to stop them, as always. My mother's face came into focus and I felt a warmth surrounding my heart. I bathed in the euphoria for a few moments before remembering what she did.

_What she did._

My eyes shot open and I stared blankly ahead. Was my mother the victim or the villain? Surely, Melvin, Sonny, and the rest of the children were more the victims in that fucked up mess than her.

The warmth in my heart turned to a dull ache as my thoughts shifted. I thought about my beautiful mother with her straight, golden blond hair that tickled my nose when she leaned over to kiss me goodnight. She always smelled of the scented oils she added to her baths every evening.

Other than my mother, I missed Melvin and Sonny the most. We were like brothers.  
We'd lived together in a little religious community for most of my childhood. From the pieces of information I'd gathered in my adult years, I learned that my mother had joined a religious group and moved us to their compound on large farm in Texas, in order to escape the brutal beatings from my biological father.

The group - the Order, as they liked to be called - controlled every aspect of our lives through criticism, psychological games and humiliation. But lucky for me, I didn't remember any of that shit. I was only a young child at the time. When I heard the news reports later on, that's when I learned the truth. They shocked me because I'd always regarded my childhood as happy and perfect. It pained me to know that my mother was so miserable and depressed the entire duration and I'd been oblivious to it all.

The creak of the door to my cell jerked me into a higher state of wakefulness and I watched two aides and a nurse push their way in the tiny room. The nurse stayed at the door, needle in hand, prepared to inject me if I got out of hand. But she wouldn't need it. I was tied up. Even if I used all of my strength, I still wouldn't free myself from this jacket.

I refused to co-operative as the two aides man-handled me to my knees. Surprisingly, they released my arms and removed the white jacket. My upper limbs dangled alongside my body as though they belonged to someone else, the blood rushing through my veins, causing a painful pins and needles sensation to radiate from my shoulders to the tips of my fingers. Nevertheless, it felt good to be free from the restraints.

Without one word spoken, the three of them left my cell, slamming the door and locking it behind them. I raked my fingers through my hair, which was now a tangled mess of dried blood and sweat, and then sat against the wall. The spider was still there, menacingly, its shadow making it look bigger than it actually was. It stretched out a long hairy leg and I shuddered.

I was still tired as hell but I had too many thoughts racing through my head to sleep.

My mother.

I loved and hated her.

Why did she choose to leave me behind if she really believed what she was doing was righteous? Was I not worthy? Didn't I, too, have a place reserved for me in Heaven? Why did she leave me? Whenever I thought about her, those questions always followed.

A single tear fell from my eye down my cheek.

_Deo Vindice_ - God is our Vindicator.

That had been our motto. It was everywhere around the commune. It was even carved above the entranceway of the farm for all to see - a constant reminder that we belonged to Him. We chanted it in prayer, and our father, Elijah, preached it to us during his sermons.

Sitting down on the floor, I shivered as I hugged my knees to my chest. I was cold now without the jacket, and my mind drifted back to my childhood, recalling the memories that I wished would disappear forever.

The night before the tragedy, the twelve elders held an opulent dinner. They sat at a long, wooden table, piled high with food, while the rest of us sat on our prayer-mats on the floor. Elijah walked around delivering our food trays, consisting of smaller portions of a less remarkable variety and we dined in silence. There was a strange feeling in the air that last night. After supper, everybody embraced each other. I know now that they were saying goodbye, or more like _see you later _until they met up again in the new world.

The next day everyone dressed in the Order's ceremonial robes, which even as a child, I found unusual because we weren't in prayer as was typically the time we wore them. Mothers walked around the crowd handing out wine to everyone, even the children. I recalled as though it was yesterday, Mitch's mother handing me a glass. Just as I lifted it to my mouth, my mother came by and swapped my glass of wine with the one she had on her tray. She gave me a small, sad smile and patted my head before wandering off into the crowd.

I hugged my knees tighter and a sob escaped from my chest as I remembered those last few hours.

People began to take their places, as Elijah said a prayer. The elders lay in a circle on the lounge floor, on their backs, feet together, looking up to the ceiling.

The rest of us found any free space we could. Mother and I were pushed onto our sides, up against the wall, our heads resting upon a soft pillow. Her heavy breaths warmed the back of my neck and if I'd known that was the last time we'd be together, I would have turned around and stared into her adoring eyes, committing as much of her face to my memory as possible.

Later, I'd awoken in a white room, on a white bed, and I thought that I was in Heaven. Even when the doctor arrived and stood by my side, I still believed this to be so because Elijah said we were going to the next world and I'd learned over the years to trust him. But alas, I quickly learned that was not the case.

Opening my eyes, I snapped back into the present, unable to cope with the ache in my heart. I would never understand why my mother left me behind and I would never forgive her for leaving me to deal with the rest of the world on my own.

All the pain and confusion of that day - the day I realized that I was left alone - swept over me like a tidal wave, and my chest felt like it was going to explode. I rolled onto my front and crawled onto my knees, hugging my head with my arms. A low moan began, growing louder as my heart ripped apart.

My moans became cries, and then mournful wails, and I cried my fucking eyes out, right there in that cell.

I fell asleep and when I woke up, my tears had dried. More determined than ever, I sat up. This couldn't go on. I had to move on. Why these memories were haunting me now, when I'd gone years not feeling a thing, confused the hell out of me.

Feeling refreshed after my rest, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, wiped away the tear stains, and waited for some food. I was starving. I assumed I'd slept the night and that breakfast would arrive soon. As if on cue, the hatch opened and a pair of eyes peered into my cell.

"Good morning, Jasper. First food, then we'll get you out of here."

_We?_

I had no idea who was behind the door, but I was grateful. I'd never felt so hungry or so eager for my freedom. Well, at least as much freedom being released from solitary could provide me. I still had the walls of Danvers to contend with. But at least Alice was somewhere inside this institution, I hoped...

I smiled as my breakfast tray slid into my room. I collected it and brought it over to the corner. Danvers' food never tasted so good and I ate with added gusto.

Once I was out, I was going to find Alice. Laurent, be damned. From the corner of my eye, I saw something move along the wall nearest me. My eyes locked with my companion and I felt so happy and rejuvenated that I actually friggn' smiled at the goddamn spider.

"Good morning to you, my eight-legged friend." I grinned as I shoved a mouthful of porridge into my mouth. "Good fucking morning, indeed".

_____________________________________________________________________


	15. A Message

**A/N Please bow down to the incredible beta'in skills of MissAlex, who beta'd this in record speed just so I'd make my Sunday posting! She is the best :)**

**In case you haven't heard, I've started another story; a horror! The Darkness Within :D I'd love for you to read it and tell me what you think. Only the prologue is up for now, I waiting to finish it before I post the rest. When they're ready, I will post them in quick succession because I want to keep them full of tension and suspense. -evil grin- Add to your alert if you're interested. http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5479339/1/The_Darkness_Within - just replace the (dot) with a . :)**

**Thank you's belong to MissAlex, LittleLea, and Elfinchakie; who continue to make me squee every week :) Thank you also to everyone who has SoS on alert :)**

****

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**Chapter Fourteen:**

**A Message**

* * *

How dare he?!

After kicking the dresser in frustration, I continued to pace my room. I was still mad. Actually, I was furious. How dare Laurent order me to stay away from someone? Anyone, for that matter. I was locked up in this mental hospital but that did not mean he could boss me around.

My arms hung by my sides and my hands curled into fists as I paced. Since my room was annoyingly small, I paced with small steps. Small steps were not what I needed.  
The peak of my anger didn't last long; I could feel it abating with each step on the wooden floor. Slowly, but surely. It would have dissipated even faster had I been able to take big steps. Of this, I was certain.

My encounter with Laurent earlier got me thinking. How well did I actually know anyone in this hospital? I had been here only a short while.

Did I really _know_ Laurent? Worst of all, did I really know Jasper? How could I trust anybody?

I supposed I knew Laurent the best and should trust him the most, but something about my brief moments with Jasper caused me to feel as though I'd known him a lot longer than I really had. Our connection felt deeper than what I had with Laurent. I had a feeling that he was worth getting to know better and that my life would be better for knowing him.

Jasper looked so helpless on the floor of the shower room the first time I stumbled upon him, whereas Laurent randomly blew hot and cold and it was difficult to pinpoint exactly what was going on in his head. At times, I found him the most charming man I knew and his dazzling smile put me at ease instantly. But other times, I felt nervous and unsure of myself around him.

I clenched my fists tighter.

My intuition was usually right, but at the moment I couldn't trust anything my body or mind told me. The treatments affected everything I relied upon. It felt as though I was walking this path alone and blind.

Recalling my ice-bath treatments reminded me that I had electric-shock therapy at the end of the week – two days from now. Not that I had ever really forgotten about them. It was more like I buried it at the back of my mind. The start of these treatments also meant I had to get my haircut again. I didn't know which one was worse as they were both equally disturbing.

But wasn't I supposed to be glad? Wasn't this what I wanted - to no longer be the girl with the visions? To keep friends and just be a normal person?

Sighing deeply, I sat down on my bed, eliciting a creak from the old, rusted box spring and mattress. I kicked off my shoes and sat crossed legged on the neatly placed blankets, my anger almost completely gone now.

As I fingered the bedspread, the door to my room opened slowly and Mary poked her head inside. When she spotted me, she quickly retreated, and I called out to her in one last attempt at a friendship offering,

"Hi, Mary," I greeted in a casual voice. To my amazement her hand froze on the door and her face appeared once again, her muddy eyes meeting mine.

"Hi."

I almost fell off my bed from shock. She had never uttered one word to me the entire time we had been roommates. It wasn't anything profound, but it was a start.

I smiled triumphantly as she came out from behind the door and closed it behind her.

To add to my astonishment, she walked over and sat down on her bed. Mirroring my position, she slipped off her shoes and hugged her knees into her chest, resting her head against the wall.

"How are you?" I asked, keeping my voice light.

No pressure.

"Um... I'm alright, thank you."

I looked down at my bedspread, deciding not to push her any further, and allowed her to make the next move.

"I saw you with Laurent," she spoke quietly.

Mary's unexpected statement caused me to snap my head in her direction. My eyes locked with hers and she looked so sad. I wondered if he'd told her who she wasn't allowed to talk to as well. That would explain her silence with me up until now.

"In the garden?" I asked, my voice low.

"Yes, I was in the kitchen washing dishes," she explained. "I saw you two through the window."

I watched her closely as she played with her sleeve, her fumbling fingers twisting the frayed edges. I briefly wonder why she was so nervous, but realized that she always looked nervous or frightened.

Why she always felt this way was the question.

"Oh," was all I could come up with for a reply.

An awkward silence encompassed the room and I felt it best to change the subject.

"So, how long have you been at Danvers for?"

Her stare looked vacant and she ignored my question. "He looked angry, but you..." She exhaled deeply. "You shouldn't answer him back like that. He might..." Her voice trailed off as her cheeks flushed and her eyes watered. She tucked her chin to her chest and stared at the floor.

Her comments were quite unsettling, to say the least.

"Mary, are you alright?" I was very concerned about her. Or was my concern directed more at myself? What was Mary implying about Laurent?

I stood up and walked over to her bed, tentatively sitting on the edge, and placed my hand on her arm. Her bottom lip quivered.

"It's alright," I assured her. But really, was it?

Without warning, she launched herself at me and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. Her sobs racked through her body, her tremors radiating, causing me to shake as well, and her tears soaked my blouse. I rubbed her back soothingly, unsure of how to easy her pain.

I was utterly confused but I couldn't question her now, not in her current state. Through her sobs she muttered to herself but it was much too disjointed to make any sense of it. So I let her cry and hoped it offered her some release.

Mary sobbed herself to sleep and I slipped away from her carefully so I would not wake her. I folded the top blanket up to her waist and after a quick look at her sleeping form, I climbed into my own bed, my mind racing with the vague bits of information she had provided me.

***

On the morning of my haircut, I awoke feeling more tired than usual. I hadn't allowed myself to think about it all week but now I had no choice. It was going to happen whether I liked it or not.

I left Mary sleeping soundly and prepared myself for the day. Since our chat the other evening, I hadn't seen much of her and she had not uttered a word to me since. It was as though she regretted her emotional outburst, or maybe she was simply embarrassed.

I sighed, closing the door quietly behind me, and followed the corridor around the bend. I dragged my feet, attempting to delay the inevitable. Passing the treatment room with a shudder, I knocked on the door for the room next to it. A female aide greeted me and ushered me in.

The room was bright - too bright. It was painted stark white and cluttered with silver metal objects - metal furniture and strange metallic equipment.

"Take off your cardigan and come sit in the chair, dear," The aide instructed harshly, gesturing to the seat beside her.

I didn't want to take off my cardigan and I didn't want to sit in the chair. So I didn't move. I just remained in the doorway. The aide wasn't taking any nonsense today, for she marched over to me, grabbed my arm and yanked me over to the black framed metal chair.

She repeated her request for me to take off the cardigan and I did, slowly. Her facial expression reflected her extreme frustration with me but I didn't care. I didn't know her name and I hadn't seen her before. Was this her sole job? Did she spend the day shaving and cutting off patients' hair? Did she_ enjoy_ it?

I felt a hard pull below the back of my neck and I snapped out of my daydream, quickly realizing that the aide was tugging at my cardigan. Instead of struggling, I relaxed my arms and allowed her to peel it off of me.

I sighed and tried to relax into the chair, hoping that this would be over quickly. A black cotton apron was fastened roughly around my neck and the aide pushed me forward slightly, draping the fabric over my body.

It was the snipping of the scissors that started my trembling. It radiated from between my shoulder blades towards my extremities and I couldn't stop it. Her scissors didn't stop snipping, no matter how much I shook. There was no mirror in here so I could not monitor the job she was doing. But I supposed it didn't matter.

It was when clumps of hair fell onto my lap that the tears rolled down my cheeks. I swiped them away with the back of my hand, disappointed with myself. I had to stop this nonsense. I didn't have that much hair left from the last haircut anyway. It barely reached the nape of my neck, for goodness sake.

My mouth formed a tight line and I forced myself to regain my composure. I was not going to shed another tear over my forced hair loss. My lip quivered, so I lifted my chin higher and took a deep breath in.

"All done," the aide declared as she threw my cardigan onto my lap. I stood up, removed the apron and gave my cardigan a shake. Raking my fingers through what was left of my hair, I noticed that it felt choppy and very uneven.

I muttered a thank you as I put on my cardigan and left the room, heading in the direction of the showers.

* * *

I closed the door, shutting out the rest of the world.

I felt so empty as I walked to the shower furthest away from the door. There was no privacy in here at all. I recalled the individual male showers when I found Jasper and it didn't seem very fair. Letting out a defeated sigh, I undressed, stood under the shower head and turned on the taps.

Cold water rained down on me and goose flesh covered my entire body as I stood there, shivering. It took about five minutes for the water to turn lukewarm. I knew from previous experience that was the hottest it was going to get, but after my ice baths, it didn't bother me as much as it should.

It was only then that I let the tears fall again. They rolled silently down my face, greeted by the water, and were ushered along my body before disappearing down the rusted metal drain.

* * *


	16. Everything Changes

**A/N To my wonderful Beta, as always, thank you. You own me :) **

**I own nothing. Thanks for reading :)**

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Chapter Fifteen:

Everything Changes

_**Jasper**_

"Jasper?" a voice inquired softly as knuckles rapped on the thick wooden panelled door. Moments later, the door opened and a young nurse slipped through the narrow gap.

"Jasper, the ward Sister wants to speak with you this morning. Just pop in to see her when you've had your breakfast, alright?"

The junior nurse placed my two blue morning pills on the side table, along with a cup of water. Then she moved to the next bedside table, and woke up my roommates, presenting them with their medication as well. As usual, she eyed us all until we swallowed the pills.

I sat up properly and rubbed my face with my hands. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I scooped up the tablets and washed them down with the water. My throat was dry and sore and I savored the cool sensation of the cold water trickling down my throat. Once she was satisfied we took our medication, the nurse left, closing the door behind her.

Gathering my things for my morning routine, I couldn't help wondering why the ward Sister wanted to see me so early. Once I had all of the items I needed, I hurried along the corridor, hoping to get a vacant shower cubicle before the rush began.

Not a hope in hell.

Already, the shower block was occupied at almost maximum capacity. I pushed past a few other patients, who muttered complaints, although not too loudly because of my reputation and searched for an available cubicle. It was a reputation I didn't usually appreciate, but it did come in handy once in a while.

I managed to get to the front just as a cubicle became empty. I darted inside and it took me about three minutes to shower and another three to get dry and dressed.

Throwing my towel over my shoulder, I left the showers amongst angry glances and didn't look back. I kept my head up, my eyes facing forward, and I walked proudly. Briefly, I stopped by my room to return my towel, and then headed to the canteen.

I ate my breakfast, consisting of cold toast and thick, lumpy porridge, in record time. After discarding my dishes, I set off.

It wasn't long before I reached her office and I knocked loudly on the door, waiting until I heard a voice call from inside, asking me to come in.

Slowly, I opened the door, peering inside before entering. The small room was mainly green. As a color, I liked green. But damn, this was way too much green for my eyes to cope with.

I relieved my eyes by looking straight at the ward Sister, who was dressed in white and sat at the desk near the back of the room. She gestured for me to sit down on the chair opposite her and as I took my seat, I nervously played with my fingernails, trying not to focus on all of the green.

Green carpet, green walls, green chairs...

I stuck my fingertip in my mouth and nibbled at my nail.

"Hello Jasper." The ward sister's voice was sharp but not unkind. I'd had a few run ins with her over the years and found that she was a fair woman, who always tried to get to the root of the problem presented to her.

"Hi," I answered with a smile.

"So Jasper, are you wondering why you're here so early this morning?" She returned my smile, signaling that she was in a good mood. I was glad because this meant that the reason I was here wasn't a bad one.

"I did wonder," I admitted. "But I don't have a clue. Maybe the doctors have changed their minds and have decided that I can leave?" I gave her one of my lopsided grins, hoping it would help my case.

She laughed. "Not quite, but I do wish that was true, Jasper. I really do. No, the reason I asked you here is to give you the good news that you've finally been given a job."

I sat up straighter in my seat, beaming from ear to ear. "Really?! That's great, when do I start?" I was very eager to get going, hoping that this meant I could finally get onto Alice's ward.

"You start this morning." She reached down behind her desk and pulled out a clear plastic bag with some kind of green material stuffed inside it. Figures, it would be green.

"Now, I've heard about the incident the other day," she continued. "And I very nearly changed my mind, but I have faith that you will not do something so stupid like that again. Although, I do have to warn you that if we ever experience a repeat of that behaviour from you, you will lose _all_ your privileges. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, Sister," I vowed. "I won't ever do anything to jeopardize this opportunity, I swear."

"Okay, this is what you'll wear while working." She lifted the uniform up so I could see it and then handed it to me in the plastic bag. "You will start just after breakfast."

"Um, Sister. Where will I be based?" I asked, praying that she'd say Alice's ward.

"Let's see." She looked down at her notes. "Ah, alright, you'll be based in the treatment block from nine until eleven every morning. You will mop all the corridors and all of the treatment rooms when they are empty only - you are to stay out of the rooms when they are occupied by patients. Considering these strict instructions, I suggest that you start in the rooms first, before treatments start."

She paused, waiting for me to confirm that I understood. But I was stunned. I'd stupidly presumed that I would be put on Alice's ward. They usually put patients on jobs which were based near their own wards. I didn't know why I was given the job in the treatment block.

Then it hit me.

_The treatment block!  
_  
Alice was to have electric-shock treatments, wasn't she? So she would be in and out of that block for a few weeks, at least.

Smiling from ear to ear, I thanked the nurse profusely for providing me with the opportunity to work as a janitor.

"Alright, Jasper, take your uniform and get out of here. The job starts today," she laughed.

I jumped up from my seat, "Thank you, Sister. I won't let you down, I promise."

"I know. Oh, and Jasper…"

I stopped and turned, just as she threw a set of keys at me, which I caught easily. "For the janitor's store room near the entrance to the block," she explained. "Don't lose them!" Her infectious laughter followed me all the way out the door.

I walked straight to my room and changed into my new green overalls, which made me feel stupid. But I was prepared to do anything that would get me closer to Alice.

Making my way through the maze of dimly lit and plainly decorated corridors, I thought about Alice and the treatment she was about to have. I'd never experienced electric-shock therapy, but I heard about it and I had seen patients after they completed their sessions. It was not something I wanted Alice to go through.

She was as delicate as a rose. I didn't want her to become a walking zombie with nothing more to say than the same niceties day after day.

I entered the building and immediately found the janitor's storeroom, which when I opened it, turned out to be more the size of a cupboard than a closest. I pulled out the cleaning trolley, just as a man, wearing similar green overalls, ambled towards me.

"You must be Jasper." He spoke slowly with a crooked grin, "The ward Sister told me that you'd maybe need an explanation of the cleaning equipment. Is this your first job, kid?" he asked as he walked into the makeshift store room. He didn't wait for my reply and removed a large bottle from the top the shelf.

"This, here, is bleach. You fill one third of the bucket with it, then two thirds with water, and then, hey, presto - you're done. Make sure you give the floor a good sweep first though. And properly wring out the mop after you immerse it in the bucket. We don't want soaking wet floors – they take longer to dry."

"Thank you, I would never have known that," I replied with a smile, trying to be polite. Little did he know, I'd been mopping floors since I was seven years old.

"Well, kid, you start right down at the other end of the ward and work yourself back. I have my own work to do, but I will be back later to see how you're doing." He paused to take a deep breath, wheezing and spluttering before continuing. "Remember, sweep then mop… sweep, then mop." He repeated that phrase over and over as he shuffled noisily down the corridor, coughing into his dirty, white handkerchief.

Pushing the mop bucket along the floor on its wheels, I made my way down to the end of the ward, and began my new job.

_  
__**Alice**_

It was the noise of the medication trolley that woke me. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes, wincing from my sore head. It ached from the back of my skull to my forehead and I rubbed my temples, hoping to relieve the pain.

Today wasn't going to be a good day.

The door to the room slowly opened and the nurse entered with our pills. Seeing that I was already awake, she walked over to Mary's bed and gently woke her, placing her tablets on the side table. There seemed to be a variety of different colored pills, unlike my medication which looked uniformed. I had no idea she took that many tablets. Here I was, concerned about making her my friend, when she had her own problems to deal with. The best thing I could do was be there for her when she needed me.

"Mornin', Mary," I smiled. She sat up and leaned her head against the wall, focusing her eyes on me.

"Hi," she mouthed. It wasn't much, but it took some of the bad feeling about today away.

I threw the blankets across the bed and gathered my things together for my morning shower.

* * *

I didn't eat much at breakfast. The thick, tasteless lump of goo, which was supposedly porridge, clogged my throat. The banging and clatter of patients eating their food was too loud for my already sore head and all I wanted to do was get out of there as quickly as possible.

Mary was still in the canteen as I sat on my bed, waiting to be escorted to the treatment room for my first of, goodness knows, how many electric-shock treatments. I found it ridiculous that I was allowed to get my haircut on my own, yet I couldn't make my way to the same building, the same corridor, for the actual treatment. Even though it was ludicrous and normally I would have complained, today I was actually relieved that I didn't have to walk there by myself.

There was a timid knock on the door and as it opened slowly, Laurent's head poked in my room. My breath caught in my throat. This was the first time I'd seen him since the other afternoon when we'd had our argument. I should have known it would be Laurent escorting me to my treatment. He was always there, no matter what was going on, even if he was only in the background. After our hostile encounter in the garden, I wished that he wasn't around me so much, but this morning wasn't a day to hold grudges.

He edged in with his head down and eyes to the floor. I stared at my shoes, my fingers drumming on my lap.

"Hello, Alice." His voice sounded more velvety than usual. I looked up, feeling my cheeks flush.

"Good morning, Laurent," I replied, keeping my tone light.

"Good morning, Alice. I'm so glad to see you." Surprisingly, he got down on his knees before me. "I'm so very sorry for my behavior the other day, please forgive me. I just feel so protective of you, my sweet, Alice." He looked at me with his strange eyes - eyes that constantly changed color, eyes that could hold me still with just one look.

I blinked, trying to shake myself out of the trance I was in. How did he do that? How did he make me feel like I always wanted to agree with him?

"Can we go now Laurent, please? I... I just want to go." He looked up at me with those eyes and I couldn't help looking to the floor.

"Well, let us be gone then, child." He held out his hand and I accepted it reluctantly with a tight smile.

_Please, let today just hurry up and be over with._

He returned my smile and we set off to the treatment block.

We walked through the dreary hallways, which were bathed in shadows from the poorly lit artificial lights that looked like they hadn't been changed since the hospital was first built. Broken cobwebs dangled from them and they swayed from the gentle breeze we created as we past them.

As we got closer, my strides shortened and I began to feel my throat constrict. My palms dampened and I wiped them on my jeans.

Laurent took notice of my uneasiness and placed his hand on my shoulder, smiling brightly. "Alice, I know you're worried about the treatment, but I assure you that you'll be fine."

I gulped, unable to find my voice and my steps continued to shorten until I was blatantly dragging my feet.

"Come, Alice," Laurent urged. "I will stay with you as long as I possibly can," His cold hand fell away from my shoulder and slipped into my sweaty palm.

I didn't remove it. Our hands swung between us like a pendulum. It only offered me little comfort, but a little was better than none at all.

As we walked around wet floor signs dotted along the corridor floor, I felt sick to my stomach and my teeth chattered. I clenched my jaw and exhaled deeply, turning to Laurent, who stared at me intently.

"Laurent, I'm scared," I admitted, feeling helpless. He held my hand tighter. Off in the distance, I saw a janitor with a mop and bucket. I was mesmerized by the way he moved the mop side to side, swirling and turning it. It was strangely hypnotic.

Suddenly, Laurent guided me around a corner and pulled me into a small room.

"Okay, Alice, get changed in here," he instructed. "Leave your clothes in a pile and I will collect them later. Come out when you're ready. I'll be waiting." He presented me with a cotton gown before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

As Laurent's footsteps faded, I stood still, feeling a strange calm washing over me. It felt like all of my worries had floated away. I watched as a shadow played under the door. I walked over to it, placing my palm flat on the smooth surface of the floor. Warmth seeped through my fingertips and into my hand, spreading up through my arm and seeping throughout the rest of my body. I rested my head against the door and just as quickly as it appeared, the warmth pulled away. But oddly enough, the calm remained.

I smiled as I walked away from the door and removed my clothes. After I changed into the gown, I folded my clothes just like Laurent instructed, and took a few deep breaths. As soon as I felt ready, I opened the door and walked out into the corridor. Much to my surprise, the first thing I did was search for the janitor. But he was gone and Laurent was the only one present in the hall.

He leaned against the wall, holding his hand out to me, and I shivered. "It's time, little one. Come."


	17. Beside You

**A/N I'm a bad, bad girl. I know, I'm sorry. RL had a grip on me and kept me from writing SoS :( Hopefully I'm back up to speed. Thanks as always to MissAlex for her wonderful beta skillz

* * *

**

Chapter Sixteen:  
Beside You

**  
**_**Alice  
**_  
I held Laurent's hand like my life depended on it. My breathing was short and shallow and my chest ached. Everything appeared to be happening in slow motion, and every second was amplified.

Laurent slowly took hold of the metal handle and pushed down, moving the door forward as he did so. His knuckles paled, his grip was so tight.

I didn't move at first. Instead, my eyes scanned the room. White. Everything looked white and clinical. I glanced at the table, and then at the nurse who waited at the far end of the room.

Carefully, I placed one foot in front of the other and automatically, my hand reached into my cardigan pocket, in search of my Rosary beads. But of course, they weren't there. I had no pockets. All I wore was a thin cotton gown which opened at the back, fastened by only a few ties.

My bare feet felt cold as I step onto the smooth, tiled floor. There was something unusual about wearing nothing on my feet. It made my feel vulnerable, and I never felt it more so than I did right at this moment, standing in the doorway, looking at the machine that would send electric shocks through my brain, hopefully stopping my visions for good.

I finally found my voice. "Laurent, I haven't had a single vision for over a week now, you know." It sounded like a plea rather than a statement – my last ditch attempt at the stalling the inevitable. My jaw tightened as I waited for his reply.

"Come on in, Alice. Come on in," Laurent urged, a small smile playing on his lips. I looked up, begging him with my eyes to give me a moment. He didn't take my subtle hint, and instead took a hold of my shoulder and gently pulled me forward.

The nurse walked towards me. "Don't be silly, Alice. Come and sit down," she instructed. My brain responded, as the rest of me was numb, my legs propelling me forward without warning.

Immediately, I noticed the leather straps on either sides of the table. My throat tightened as I took a deep breath and swallowed down the bile that rose from my queasy stomach.

The nurse patted the table. "Jump up, Alice. Don't be afraid."

I eased myself onto the hard surface in a sitting position. It was high enough for my cold feet to dangle freely without touching the floor.

"Alright, now lie down and I'll quickly explain what's going to happen," she said, a sad smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Reluctantly, I lay down, wriggling my body until I was as comfortable as I could be, considering the circumstances.

Laurent stood on one side of me, the nurse on the other as they fastened the cold leather straps around each of my ankles. Their movements were in sync as they pulled the straps tight, proving that they'd done this together many times before. The contrast between the nurse's warm hands and Laurent's cold ones was quite alarming. Once the straps were secured properly, they walked up to my waist.

They gently placed my arms along my sides and then fanned them out towards the edge, fastening the straps around my wrists, pulling them tight.

Laurent's eyes remained locked with mine the entire time, his expression stoic. I wished I knew what he was thinking, however, his stony eyes provided me no clues. Only the nurse offered me some warmth as she patted my arm reassuringly.

"Alright, Alice. Now, I'm not going to lie. This _will_ be painful for you. But if you try to relax as best you can, it won't hurt as much. Just keep taking deep, even breaths." Her voice was soothing and she smiled. However, her sparkling eyes were laced with pity.

_How many times had she done this before? _I wondered.

How many times had she strapped a patient to this table and delivered electricity to their brain, all in the disguise of making them better, making them well.

Did she have many success stories to tell?

I hoped so.

The nurse walked to the head of the table and placed a strange metal object on my head. Disks, covered in some sort of cold jelly, were pressed to each of my temples, causing me to shiver. I wanted to lift my hand and remove them away, but I couldn't.

The iciness seeped through my skin and my shivers turned to violent tremors. My teeth chattered and I clamped them together in an effort to regain my composure. However, my efforts were in vain because even though my jaw was locked, my facial muscles twitched, the involuntary movement radiating down the rest of my body, causing me to panic.

"P-please..." I begged as my teeth knocked together once again, my voice barely more than a whimper. "Please d-don't. I'll be good, I promise. I'll do anything you say. I'll take any medication you want, just please stop this."

I looked at Laurent, my eyes wide. "Laurent, please make her stop. I promise I'll do anything, please."

"Hush now, child. You're working yourself into an alarmed state. You're not doing yourself any favors."

"But I'm scared. I don't want to do this." Tears trickled down the sides of my face onto the table.

"Laurent, it's time for you to leave. We'll take it from here," the nurse said, just as a man in a white jacket walked into the room and peered over me.

He didn't acknowledge me at all, nor did he converse with Laurent. He motioned for the nurse to meet him in the corner and they conversed in hushed voices, glancing in my direction every so often.

"I must leave, little one." Laurent ran his cold thumb over my forehead, the temperature of his skin much colder than the device fastened to my head. "You look so helpless." His touch lingered for longer than what felt comfortable and automatically, I tried to turn my head, but to no avail.

"But I won't be gone far, so no fretting," he continued, his voice oddly hypnotic. "I've made my mind up, little one. It took me long enough."

Nothing he said made any sense and I stared blankly up at him, searching for the answers he did not verbally provide. His eyes were, once again, a rich burgundy colour, and for the longest time, he didn't blink, causing me to feel more perplexed than ever.

He laughed again and patted my hand. "I won't be far," he smiled, showing his perfect, white teeth before he walked away. I didn't watch him leave. Instead, I stared up at the ceiling.

"Open your mouth please, Alice," the nurse ordered as she placed a hard object into my mouth. "Now bite down." I did as I was told, knowing that resistance was futile. "Alright, Alice, just try to stay as still as possible. Relax. It will be over before you know it."

Her face was kind as she looked down at me, but it did nothing to release me of the fear that had me in its grip.

"Ready, Doctor?" The nurse asked loudly.

Without warning, the most intense and terrifying pain I had ever experienced penetrated my entire being. My body thrashed about under the restraints and my eyes flew open.

I bit down on the hard, rubber tubing in my mouth, tasting the awful material on my tongue, and suddenly, the pain decreased and I flopped back down onto the table, my body perfectly still. Stiff and numb.

My thoughts were hazy and I felt nauseous. My jaw relaxed and just as I mentally applauded myself for getting through it, a second electric current took hold of me.

I was convinced I was going to die, the pain was so great. The straps held me in place as my limbs involuntarily fought against them. I was helpless.

My whole body felt like it was going to explode and my hands alternated from fists to talons, clawing at the edges of the table.

I could not remember how many times I heard the clink of the switch before I just stopped listening altogether, the blackness taking over me. I couldn't feel my body anymore.

I couldn't feel anything.

* * *

_**Jasper**_

I moved the mop along the floor, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of two figures heading my way. I kept the mop's rhythm, swirling it in the figure eight pattern my mother taught to me during our time on the farm, and pretended not to notice them. It had been my job to keep all of the floors swept and mopped back then.

From the tingling sensation I felt in my stomach, I knew it was Alice. From that conclusion, I determined the other person must have been Laurent. I continued my little circular movements with the large domestic mop, glancing up through my eyelashes every five seconds or so as they came closer.

I didn't stop, not once. I just kept the mop turning and spinning, lifting the dirt with ease. Suddenly, the tingling in my belly knotted up into a tight ball and I halted all movements, my jaw hanging open in shock when I realized that they were walking extremely close and holding hands.

They were holding hands.

That monster was holding onto her _fucking_ hand. The knot in my stomach twisted, agonizingly so, and I ceased breathing. I turned my back to them, afraid I would charge at Laurent. I didn't want to lose my job on the first day.

I felt sick and nervous as I continued using the mop, picking up where I left off, like my life depended on it. I dared a quick peek over my shoulder, only to see them walk into one of the side rooms.

Laurent knew it was me, of this I was certain. He had a sick, sixth sense about stuff like that and after feeding on my blood for so long, he was able to detect me whenever I was in his vicinity, not to mention his acute sense of smell which enabled him to pick up on my scent before he even entered the treatment block.

He exited the room alone, leaving Alice inside and looked in my direction. He glanced back at the room and surprisingly walked away, as though he decided I was not worth his time. Oddly, he smirked, and entered another treatment room a couple of doors down.

I didn't think twice about my next action.

I sprinted to the room Alice was in. Her nervousness radiated through the door but as I placed my hand on the handle, I re-evaluated my plan.

What would I say to her?

Instead, I placed my palm against the cold wooden door and rested my cheek next to it. I steadied my breathing and closed my eyes, thinking of Alice inside, alone, about to be electrified. Then I tried to do something I'd not done since my mother was alive. I wasn't even sure if it would work or if I still had the ability to do it in the first place. I feared that the years I spent on medication had left me damaged.

I took in a deep, slow breath, closing my eyes as I did so. My mind thought only of Alice and time seemed to stand still.

I felt connected to her instantly, and it seemed almost too easy. My hand grew hot and began to tingle, the intense heat spreading up my fingers, along my arm, down my chest, until it settled in the pit of my stomach.

Deep breaths. In. Out.

My mind was focused. I was surprised at how quickly it was all coming back to me.

The heat burned and my stomach clenched. When I felt her fear seep into my fingers, I opened my eyes, quickly pulled my hand from the door and walked away.

I returned to my mopping, feeling drained and nauseous so I leaned against the wall and sighed, waiting for it to pass, Alice's fear simmering in my gut. I hoped she was alright and feeling a little calmer.

I didn't know when it was that I first discovered I could ease people's emotions. I didn't even know how I did it, how I absorbed them, it just happened. I remembered one time when I was a young boy, living in the commune for only a few months, I watched my mother cry so hard and I hugged her, willing her pain to go away.

I didn't think anything of it as my body started to tingle and I began to feel really sad. I'd never felt as close to her as I did in that moment. As my mother's sobs ceased, mine increased, and I held her tighter.

There were many moments like that from my childhood, some of which I wished to forget.

A closing door caught my attention, and I soaked my mop in the bucket on the trolley and walked around the corner, slipping out of view.

I continued to mop the floor to keep myself busy, but my mind was busy calculating sums in my head. I tried to figure out how long Alice would be in the treatment room for so I could hopefully get in there and see her. I decided to clean every floor and leave her treatment room until last.

But my curiosity created other foolish ideas, and I soon found myself drifting toward the room Alice was in. After watching Laurent leave, I knew it was safe to hang around. I just had to act busy to stop myself from doing something stupid.

After mopping the same area twice, I moved to the adjoining corridors. After finishing all of the dirty hallways and most of the rooms, I made my way back to the main corridor.

The lights flickered, buzzing softly and I stood still, knowing what that meant.

I took off down the corridor, but just as I turned the corner, something made me stop and stay hidden. I peered around the bend, my hand against the wall, and I spotted a _returner_,standing outside the door. They were the people who never left Danvers permanently. They would come and go over the years, never properly settling back into life on the outside.

Jimmy or James, I wasn't quiet sure which one he was going by these days, had been here longer than me, and I could never figure him out. I'd heard him speaking cuttingly with Laurent a few times, and I was surprised that he was still alive. But then again, I didn't think Laurent randomly killed people. In fact, I'd never known him to kill anyone. But he must have, surely? I mean, he was a monster.

The question, now, was what was he doing outside Alice's treatment room? Did he know Alice was in there? Was he next for treatment?

I debated whether or not to ask him, weighing the consequence of facing Laurent's wrath should he return, when the vampire suddenly appeared, rushing towards James with an angry expression on his face. The two men began arguing intensely.

Interesting.

I watched as the guy pushed Laurent against the wall, grabbed a hold of his throat with one hand and pressed his nose to his ear, hissing something I couldn't make out.

Suddenly, his head snapped in my direction. He cocked it to the side, studying me, and I froze. He still had Laurent by the throat and his grip didn't loosen. Thankfully, he didn't approach me.

Nothing felt right. It all felt _wrong_.

How he'd managed to get a grip on Laurent was beyond me. He was a vampire for Christ's sake; fast, agile, and incredibly strong. Something strange was going on and my nervousness overwhelmed me.

Then it hit me.

James must be a vampire as well.

How else could he overpower Laurent?

I felt sick to my stomach. There were_ two_ bloodsuckers at Danvers?!

What the fuck was going on?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that now, I wasn't so sure who was human and who wasn't. Maybe there were more vampires lurking around this institution.

I leaned against the wall, steadying myself with my shaky hand, the knot in my gut tightening until I couldn't breathe.

Alice was in more danger than I thought.

And right at this very moment, so was I. I gripped the cleaning trolley with both hands, my knuckles whitening with the force of my hold, and pushed it out of view. Once I was safely out of sight again, I slumped against the wall and breathed a sigh of relief.

I needed a place to hide until they both left. But first, I needed to know if he was coming after me when he finished with Laurent. I edged towards the corner and peeked around, scanning the corridor, but to my surprise, nobody was there. Both vampires had disappeared.

Assuming it was some sort of trick, I stayed hidden for five more minutes, just to be sure, and then hurried down the corridor back to the janitor's store room, fumbling with my keys to open the lock. I quickly pushed the trolley inside, locked up, and then ran back to the room Alice was in.

I felt strange as I got within four feet of the room. As I moved closer, the feeling settled in my chest, making it difficult for me to breath. The door was still closed so I placed my palm flat against it and held my ear close.

A deep humming noise was all I could hear as terror gripped my heart. My breath caught and I clutched my chest as I slid down the door to the cold floor.

Fear, panic and helplessness, everything Alice was feeling, seeped throughout my body.

Suddenly, the humming stopped, and only then could I hear footsteps inside. I tried to stand but my legs wouldn't move, so I used my arms to slide myself across the tiled floor. I had no strength left, after being so close to Alice's pain, but I knew I couldn't stay here.

I managed to drag myself far away enough away and rose to my feet. The pain in my chest was soul-destroying and I let out a shaky breath as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

Knowing that Alice felt all of those emotions, without anyone supporting her, was absolutely heartbreaking. I just wanted to be with her and hold her. Comfort her.

The door clicked and I heard hushed voices. I strained my ears and listened carefully. One was male, one was female and they emerged from Alice's treatment room.

My heart raced as they walked off down the corridor together. Was Alice now the sole occupant of the room, or were there other Danvers personnel in there with her? As I grabbed my mop and bucket and walked towards the door, I hoped she was alone.

The door was ajar so I popped my head in, relieved to find it empty, except for Alice.

She lay still on a table in the centre of the clinical room and my heart broke. Approaching her cautiously, I used my fingertips to gently wipe away the beads of sweat which rested on her forehead. Her eyes were closed and there was a crease between her eyebrows so I softly rubbed it away with the pad of my thumb.

A tear, which had teetered on the rim of my eye, toppled over as I blinked, landing with a splash on Alice's cheek.

I cursed myself and wiped my eyes just as she opened hers.

"Jasper?" she whispered, her voice hoarse before her eyes fluttered closed once more.

"I'm here," I replied softly as I used my fingertips to outline her face. "I'm here. I won't let anyone hurt you. I'll look after you."

She tried but failed to lift her arm, a leather strap holding it down.

I heard jangling keys and my head snapped towards the door. Someone was coming. I stroked her face once more and then leaned over, pressing my moist lips to her forehead.

"I'll never be far away," I whispered before I turned to leave.

As I shadow appeared across the floor, I halted in my tracks.

I was too late. The person was at the door.

Panicked, I looked for somewhere to hide, and spotted an empty space behind the door. I dove straight for it, just as a nurse entered the room. All I could think about was that I had to get out of here before Laurent came back.

The nurse walked over to Alice and while her back was turned, I took my chance. I darted out the door and didn't look back.

After putting the rest of the cleaning equipment away, I whistled as I walked down the hall. Today had been a good day and I hadn't felt this happy in years.

The only thing that kept me from being completely content was Laurent. Judging from his behaviour today, he was up to something for sure.

But I would deal with that when I had to. Today as all about Alice and I didn't want him tainting my joy over our brief encounter. It was more than I had hoped for and I couldn't wait to see her again.

I licked my lips, tasting her salty brow on my tongue and I nearly skipped the rest of the way to my room.

Now I knew how to reach her when she had her treatments but I still had to figure out how to find her when she was transferred back to her room.

That was a whole different kettle of fish.


	18. Walking on a Dream

**A/N **_**Once again I'm so sorry for the late update. I just didn't get it ready in time, no excuses. I want to thank my beta MissAlex for working her magic on this chapter.**_

_**I continue to hope that I'll post weekly; that IS my aim.**_

_**I OWN NOTHING**_

**Chapter Seventeen:**

**Walking on a Dream**

_**Alice**_

I couldn't move. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest, crushing my lungs so I couldn't breathe.

Then something soft stroked my face and I just knew.

I _knew_ it was him.

Jasper._**  
**_  
His scent penetrated my nostrils as I breathed him in. I tried to say his name, tried to let him know that I knew but it sounded unnatural coming from my mouth.

There was a buzzing noise in my head. I wanted to put my hands over my ears and block it out but my body wouldn't obey my command.

My mouth parted as I felt his lips on my forehead.

I knew then that I was dreaming. I sighed softly, welcoming the blackness that followed.

_**Jasper**_

Two hours.

It had been two hours since Alice had her treatment and I couldn't stand waiting around. It was driving me crazy.

I paced my room once more, trying not to let the frustration get to me, but it was difficult, knowing that she was scared and probably all alone.

She shouldn't have to be on her own. Not when she didn't have to be. I was here and I would give anything to be with her. I kicked the wall, then instantly regretted it when my foot began to smart.

Hobbling to the doorway, cursing all the way, I slammed the door shut after me as I stalked down the corridor.

I needed a distraction but I wasn't sure what would do the trick. So I patrolled the hallways, growling at anyone who dared to look at me.

I chewed on my fingernails as I paced the recently mopped floor, wondering if it was Laurent that escorted her back to her room. Did he just leave her there, alone?

Or worse, did he stay? Did he stay and comfort her?

I increased my speed, each step wider than the last, and raked my wet fingers through my hair in frustration.

The wait to connect with her again was slowly killing me, but what worried me the most was that I didn't even know how I was going to get onto her ward, let alone actually speak with her.

I scuffed my shoe and almost tripped. Cursing, my cheeks burning, I gave up pacing and stormed back to my room, throwing myself onto the bed.

"What's up?" a gruff voice announced from across the small space. I lifted my head and looked towards the far side of the room, scowling.

"Your face has been like that all morning, you okay?" the familiar voice persisted. I was surprised that my roommates still bothered to try and make conversation with me after so many failed attempts in the past.

I recognised the voice but I'd never spoke to him directly before. We'd grunted in acknowledgment every now and again, it was difficult not to since we shared the same room for over eight months, but that was the extent of our male bonding.

With thoughts of Alice playing on my mind, I was fidgety, so to combat my restlessness, I jumped off my bed, placed my feet firmly on the floor and paced once more.

My roommate sighed in frustration. I just wished he'd give up already and leave me be. That was obviously too much to ask.

"You're a strange one, you know that?" he tried once more, his Gaelic accent soft and lyrical. It wasn't said with malice but it instantly got my back up.

"What's with all the fucking questions?" I snapped. "We've manage not to speak the entire time we've roomed together, so let's try and keep it that way." With a low growl, I continued pacing, increasing my speed a little.

"Lighten up, I'm just making conversation."

I stopped walking and looked at him. I didn't even know his name. He had short muddy-coloured hair that stuck out in all directions, and his clothes hung loosely on his thin frame. They were at least three sizes to big for him.

My eyes travelled up his body to his face, and it was only then that I saw his burn scar. What was so disconcerting about it was not that it covered almost half of his face, but that I'd not noticed it before.

"Anyone told you it's rude to stare?" he muttered, sitting up.

I should've removed my gaze but I just couldn't take my eyes off his face. The scar ran from above his left eye, down across his cheek and along one side of his narrow nose to the corner of his mouth.

Was I that ignorant that I could share a room with someone for well over six months and not notice a burn that covered half of the guy's face?

I sat down heavily on the closest bed, not caring that it wasn't mine, and ran my fingers through my hair.

I opened my mouth, and then shut it just as fast. I didn't know what to say.

"Why so shocked, soldier boy? Have you not seen it before?"

I felt my face heat up and I shook my head.

"That don't surprise me at all, since you live in your own world half the time. I'm surprised you've noticed that I room with you at all."

I still didn't speak. How could I admit to him that I didn't even know his name?

_How selfish was I? _

I'd lived in my own messed up little world for far too long. Not knowing what to say, I got up and paced yet again.

"Mary mother of Christ, Jasper," he exclaimed. "Will you not just sit the fuck down and stop fucking pacing?"

I did what was asked of me, the bed creaking under my weight.

"How about we play a little game?" he suggested. A smirk played upon his lips, which caused the scar tissue to pull at his eyelid. He looked sinister when he smiled like that.

"What game?" I asked. I felt it was the least I could do. He knew my name, while I still didn't know his, and at least it would help pass the time.

"Tit for tat. I ask you a question, and then if you answer you get to ask me one. Let's see how far we get. So how 'bout it? You in?" He removed a cigarette and a box of matches from his shirt pocket.

"So I can choose not to answer?" I asked, watching him as he struck a match and lit it, the orange flame flickering across his marred face.

He shrugged, resting his elbow on his unmade bed, propping himself up as he blew smoke rings into the air. "Yeah, but that also means you miss a turn for not answering and I get to ask another one. And my second question you can't refuse to answer."

"Yeah, okay," I shrugged, trying to copy his relaxed body language. I had nothing to lose. Although what questions he could ask me, I had no idea.

I walked over to my own bed and lay down, facing the ceiling.

"I get to go first," he announced. He remained silent for a moment as if immersed in contemplation. "I'll go easy on you at first. How long have you been here?"

"Predictable question." I couldn't help but laugh. "Four years." My voice grew serious. "Four years too long."

"Hmmm," was all he said.

"How about you?" I asked, aware that I'd earned my question.

"Me, long enough to know better," he chuckled as he pulled the covers up to his waist.

"That's not exactly an answer though, is it? How many years?" I persisted. I knew he'd been here for a few years longer than me but I didn't know how many, or the reason he was admitted to Danvers in the first place.

"Nine years in total," he replied. "Ten, if you include the year I spent so fucked up in the back wards that I didn't even know I existed." He grinned. "Okay, my turn."

I hoped he would keep this simple. All I wanted was his name, and even though I was curious as to how his face got so messed up, I knew that if I got that personal with him, it gave him the green light to get that personal with me too, which I wasn't comfortable with. Nervously, I shifted my position on the bed.

"If you could have anything right at this moment, what would it be?" he asked.

_Easy. For Alice to be safe._

All my wants revolved around Alice, nothing else mattered more than her.

"You going to answer or what?" His voice broke me out of my thoughts.  
"A skeleton key so I come and go as I please," I responded firmly.

It was the truth. A key would grant me the one thing I wished for. He didn't need to know about Alice. Nobody did.

"Really?" He cocked an eyebrow. "Could come in handy, I suppose. But why do you want to move about the hospital. There has to be a reason. Let me guess..."

"It's my turn now. I answered your question," I interjected, in an attempt to shift the focus of our game.

The dull ache in my stomach I experienced periodically grew stronger. I rolled onto my belly and placed my thin hospital pillow under my abdomen, hoping the slight elevated pressure would ease the pain.

"Why are you here? I mean, why were you admitted to Danvers?" I asked.

I also wanted to know whether or not he could get me a key for this place. He hadn't exactly scoffed at my reply so he must've thought that my request wasn't too far-fetched. That made sense. He'd been here long enough that if anyone had the resources, it would be him. But I held back, the words tittering on the tip of my tongue.

He was slow to answer, pausing first to stare ahead vacantly.

"I mean, you don't have to tell me, I'm just interested." He still didn't speak and his face remained expressionless. "Hey, you okay?"

The corners of his mouth curled up into a lazy grin. It was the craziest smile I'd ever seen in my life but it was infectious and I couldn't help but reflect it.

"Yeah, I'm more than okay, Jazz. You asked why I'm here…" He let out a low whistle and ran his hand through his hair "That, my friend, is a story for another time." He jumped off the bed, suddenly full of energy. The unexpected change in his posture was unsettling and I remained in my position with a confused look on my face.

My mind immediately roamed to Alice and I leaned forward with my head in my hands, rubbing my face.

I felt the mattress shift under a sudden change of weight distribution and I turned to find my roommate sitting next to me with a set of keys jangling from his forefinger. He waved them in front of my face with a mischievous, boastful grin.

No way.

No fucking way.

I froze, my breaths shallow as I tried to comprehend what this meant for me. For Alice. For _us_.

I shook my head. Jesus Christ, he was playing with me. I knew it. No way this was for real.

Nothing ever went my way so why would it start now? Why would someone give me something that would help me out and make my life easier, just when I needed it? It was highly unusual so naturally, I was suspicious.

I just looked at him, not moving my eyes from his as he continued swinging the keys.

"You gonna ask, then?"

"Ask what?"

"Ask me what these keys are for."

"No." My face grew hot as I tried to act nonchalant about the whole thing, just in case he was messing with me.

He laughed. "You sure about that?"

"What's your name, anyway?" I asked daringly.

"Liam. I'm Liam," he stated it matter-of-factly as though it should mean something more to me than what it did. I'd never heard of him.

He stood and smoothed out his pants and then threw the keys at me.

"You're a strange one, Jazz, you know that?" He turned as he reached the door. "Now you owe me one. Don't forget that. I may ask for a favor one of these days." He grinned, his scar distorting the one side of his face, and without another word, he excited the room, leaving the door to slowly close on its own behind him.

I didn't move.

What the fuck?

Call me Cinderella, because my wish had just come fucking true. But why, what was going on?

Picking up the keys, I turned them around in my hands. Would they work? Would the price for them be high? I jumped up, deciding that whatever the price, I would pay it gladly.

I glanced up at the clock. Damn, twelve. Lunch time. I didn't know how I was going to pull this off. Hell, I didn't even know if these keys would work and I certainly had no idea why Liam had given them to me in the first place. But who was I to question him? I wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

* * *

_**Alice  
**_  
I opened my eyes and then quickly closed them again because the artificial light burned my retinas and the pain was too much to bear.

My entire body ached as I tried to move. The throbbing was excruciating so I soon gave up and lay still.

I knew I was lying in my bed in my room, as it felt familiar, and I could remember having the shock treatment, I just couldn't connect how I got from there to here.

I sighed softly and squeezed my eyes closed tighter.

"Alice," someone whispered. "Alice."

I could hear the voice clearly but my body wouldn't respond. I couldn't move my head without a searing pain shooting through my brain. I tried to open my eyelids again, but they wouldn't co-operate.

"Alice!" The person hissed desperately.

"Mm..." My attempt at speech fell flat. I heard the door shut and I assumed my visitor left. It could only have been Mary or a nurse so I wasn't too worried I'd missed seeing them.

I felt my body relax once more and I drifted back to sleep.

* * *

_**Jasper  
**_  
Shit, shit, shit.

She was fast asleep.

I leaned against the wall and let out a shaky breath.

_Now what?  
_  
I felt hot and nervous and I wiped my sweaty hands on my pants. I shouldn't have come but I had to try again. I couldn't leave after all the effort I'd put in to get here, especially since our brief encounter earlier had not been sufficient.

Grasping the handle once more, I scanned my eyes up and down the corridor, and then slowly opened the door, slipping inside undetected

I closed the door behind me, our successive breaths jarring the stillness of the room. Mine were heavy and laboured in contrast to Alice's short and shallow ones.

Letting her respirations guide me, I tip-toed over to the bed. The room was bathed in a husky glow. The heavy curtains, which covered the large window, blocked the sunlight from streaming inside. It gave the room a dream-like ambiance.

There was enough light for me to see her resting form and I could help but stare at her as I kneeled down at her bedside. She looked so serene. Like an angel, with her lips parted ever so slightly.

"Alice," I whispered as I inched my face closer to hers. I lifted my hand and stroked her arm with my fingertips.

"Alice, its Jasper. Can you hear me?" The connection I felt whenever we were near each other was at it strongest, tugging at my heart, causing my eyes to fill with tears.

_My lovely Alice. What have they done to you?_

"Please, open your eyes," I begged, gently guiding my fingers to her cheek. Just as my thumb grazed her soft skin, her eyelids fluttered open and her beautiful, dazzling stare locked with mine.

"Jasper?" Her voice was hoarse.

Instinctively, I scanned the room and discovered a jug of water atop the side table. I dragged myself from her side and retrieved it, poured the water into a nearby glass and then returned to her side.

Kneeling once again, I slipped my hand behind her head, lifted it carefully, and guided the glass towards her mouth. She tentatively gulped the water down and when she had enough, I took it away.

Her sad eyes looked into mine and my heart broke. I hated seeing her this way. So vulnerable. The worst part was that she still had more treatments to come. This was far from over. I would have to ask Liam if I could keep his keys indefinitely.

"How did you get here?" she asked softly.

"Don't worry about that now, I'll explain later."

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"I feel different." Her voice hitched as a small sob escaped her lips and her brow furrowed. My hand automatically reached up in an attempt to stroke her concern away, but it stubbornly remained.

"It's okay. You'll be okay," I assured as silent tears slipped from her eyes. I wiped them away.

"I have to go now, Alice. I'm sorry that it was such a short visit. I just needed to see that you were alright. If I get found here, well, I don't have to tell you what will happen."

Laurent's faced flashed in my mind and my blood turned cold.

"Please stay," she protested. A noise outside the room caught my attention and my head snapped towards the door.

"Alice, I must leave. I'm sorry. But art class is not too far away. I'll see you then, won't I?"

She gave a small nod and I smiled.

"Now, I must go." I placed my lips to her cheek, hoping she wouldn't mind me being so forward now that she was conscious. Her scent snaked into my lungs and I felt complete.

After a few glorious moments, I reluctantly tore my gaze from her face and exited the room, our necessary, temporary separation weighing heavily on my heart.

* * *

**A/N _So guys how are you getting on? Is it going smoothly or are you finding some things confusing? I really would like to know your thoughts on the story so far. _**

**_Thanks for reading_**


	19. Dream Catch Me

**A/N Praise goes to my wonderful beta MissAlex, who only received this hot mess on Friday so she worked her magic super fast for your reading pleasure. I hope you enjoy :)**

**Chapter Eighteen:**

**Dream Catch Me**

_**Alice**__  
_  
He visited my room.

Jasper had been in _my_ room.

That was all I could think about in the days following my first electric shock treatment. I couldn't remember the finer details, but I did remember the feel of his soft, warm lips as they brushed the nerve endings on my cheek. When I thought about it, I could almost smell his sweet, soothing scent him that I encountered when he leaned over me.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, causing my spine to tingle.

How on earth had he managed to sneak onto my ward and into my room? I couldn't imagine the trouble he must have gone through to get here. A male ward was connected to the lounge we shared, but there were gates in between them that were locked at night, and most of the day, for that matter so it was a mystery to me how he managed it.

Today was another first. My first art therapy session. It was also the first time I would see Jasper since my treatment.

Leaning forward, I wiped the foggy mirror, trying not to look into my eyes as I attempted to tame my short, wild locks of hair.

I was nervous. I could tell by the way I was fussing with my appearance. But the good thing about these mirrors was that because they weren't made of real glass, they gave me a hazy image instead of a clear one.

I took a deep breath and sighed.

During the last two nights, I woke up in a sweat, thinking it had all been a dream. It always took me a few minutes to convince myself that it had actually happened. That Jasper had visited me.

Letting out a shaky breath, I turned on the tap and rinsed my hands under the lukewarm water, and then I used my wet hands to smooth down my unruly hair.

It felt like I was getting ready for a first date. I just hoped everything went smoothly and Jasper would be in class today. At least I knew that he would try his very best to attend, regardless of any obstacles in his way.

I didn't know why I was so certain, why I had such faith in him. It was more than just the fact that he felt familiar to me, like I'd known him before. Our connection ran much deeper than that, unlike anything I'd ever experienced.

Splashing water on my face, I stood and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I usually avoided mirrors and any type of reflective surfaces as I hated to see my hair so short because it reminded me that I was a patient in an insane asylum. As long as I didn't look into my eyes, I was fine. I couldn't help but notice that they didn't look as bright as they used to and it scared me.

Satisfied that I was a passable female, I made my way back to my room. When I entered, I spotted Mary sitting crossed legged on her bed.

"Hello," her voice croaked.

I smiled, surprised that she initiated a conversation, and I watched as her eyes scanned the room awkwardly, obviously ill at ease.

"Hi," I replied, tugging at an uneven tuft of hair, momentarily forgetting how short it was and trying to hook it around my ear. My hands fell uselessly to my lap as I say down on my bed.

Our uneasiness was clear, the air filled with apprehension and nervousness. It seemed our previous attempts at a conversation hadn't helped the situation at all. Sometimes, it felt as though we were going backwards instead of making progress.

"How are you?" I asked softly.

She looked around the room, avoiding eye contact.

She didn't answer. She just hunched her shoulders and her negative reaction encouraged me to make more of an effort to connect with her.

"Mary?" I stammered, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "Do you want to be friends?"

Slowly, her eyes met mine. Her fingers worked unconsciously to plait her long thin hair. She opened her mouth to speak and then thought twice about it and shut it again.

"I mean, we share a room," I continued. "And, um, I think it would be nice if I....I mean, if we both had a friend in this place."

Her head bobbed up and down eagerly, her eyes wide. "I'd like that," she whispered, a small smile playing upon her lips. "I'd like that very much."

"It's nearly lunch, shall we go together?" I suggested. "I've never liked the hall, it's so noisy, but it would be tolerable if we sat next to each other."

"Yes, I'd like that," she repeated. Her voice was quiet and I had to strain my ears to hear her acceptance. Maybe we'd become friends after all. Although, all this stopping and starting was giving me whip lash.

We put on our shoes in silence and left our comfortable room, heading towards the craziness of the canteen.

Slowly and without words, we made our way down the corridor. As we approached, the noise grew louder, causing Mary and I to tense, our nervousness palpable. We stood in line for our food and ate without talking as well, but just her companionship was good enough for me.

Usually, I'd sit at a table full of other patients I didn't know, feeling separate and alone. I never made an attempt to make conversation, nor did anybody else approach me. We were all dealing with our own realities and making the best of them.

Once we'd returned our empty trays, we left together. We ambled down the hallway, knowing that we would soon be going our separate ways. I dragged my feet and kept my eyes down. I didn't notice the change in Mary's body language until I lifted my head and saw Laurent before us.

A look of annoyance flashed across his face but it was quickly masked by a sickly sweet smile.

Mary stood frozen next to me, her body trembling ever so slightly.

"Alice, my child, you're up and about." His velvety voice caused Mary to visibly wince.

"Yes, I feel much better today thank you, Laurent," I replied, keeping my tone formal but light. The tension in the air was thick, suffocating me.

"And where are you off to, little one?" he pried.

I debated telling him a lie as I'd already discussed art therapy with Laurent and I didn't want a repeat of his angry reaction concerning Jasper. But I didn't. Instead, I told him the truth but avoided Jasper altogether.

"It's my first class of art therapy today, so that's where I'm headed," I explained. I smiled, unable to hide the excitement dancing across my face.

"Ah, I see. Would you mind then if I accompanied you there?" he asked. "I believe it's only a short walk to the next block." His eyes darted to Mary, and then quickly back to me.

"I'm sorry, Laurent, but Mary has already offered to walk with me," I smiled tightly. She hadn't, of course, but I just didn't want to be alone with Laurent right now.

He didn't look pleased. "Well, I'll be sure to visit with you once you're finished with class then, child."

And with that, he was gone and a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I turned to Mary and was alarmed to find that her slight tremors from earlier had escalated into visible, violent shakes. She looked as scared as she did when I saw her when I first arrived at Danvers. To add to my confusion, without an explanation, she hurried off in the opposite direction of Laurent.

With a sigh, I walked alone to class, apprehensive and excited all at the same time.

* * *

_**Jasper**_

It had been forty-six hours since I'd last seen Alice, but it felt like an eternity.

My heart beat rapidly at the thought of her and I hoped she was alright and would be well enough to turn up for class.

I hadn't spoken to Liam since he'd given me the keys either. We'd crossed paths occasionally and each time, he smiled knowingly at me. It was always the same - a slight nod of his head and a wink, both of which I found disconcerting. He was after something, I was sure. It left me feeling very unsettled. I didn't like owing anybody anything and now I owed Liam big time.

Trying to walk at a slow pace to the treatment block was almost impossible. My mind told me to go slow, but my legs wanted to rush me to my destination. I wanted to get work over and done with so I could see Alice. She consumed all my thoughts now. But there was at least three hours until that could happen again. I didn't know how I'd get through it if she wasn't well enough to attend class.

With just an hour of work left, I cleaned the floors and then started on the rooms.

Entering the electric shock room that Alice had been in earlier, I couldn't help but imagine what it must have felt like for her to endure such painful treatment. I had an idea about what it was like, but to actually go through it, to have two hundred volts sent into your brain, must have been horrific. It was barbaric and I didn't know why she was having them in the first place.

Then there was Laurent and James arguing outside the room. I would have to watch those two because they were definitely up to something. I didn't like that I didn't know what was going on but I was determined to find out, and now with these keys, I had the opportunity to.

Impulsively, I decided I would try and follow Laurent that night, but with very little planning, I opted to leave it for another day. I didn't want to chance making a mess of it because if Laurent caught me, I would be a dead man.

I arrived at class quicker than I expected. My palms felt sweaty and my breathing had accelerated in anticipation of seeing Alice again.

I opened the door, hoping she'd already be there. I scanned the few faces that sat around the large rectangle table and my heart fell when I realized she wasn't there. But the mounds of clay that were placed at each seat made me smile. I loved working with clay and surprisingly, it was something I was good at. I was always amazed with what I could produce with my hands.

I took a seat at the far end of the table, ensuring that there was an empty chair on either side of me, in the hope that Alice would chose one when she arrived.

My heart beat erratically each time the door opened and someone entered.

Then there she was.

My heart stopped and I could barely breathe.

She looked so nervous and vulnerable. I tried to look at her without making it obvious, but my attempts were futile. I was drawn to her. Her cheeks flushed as her gaze found mine.

She didn't move and neither did I, when finally, the therapist broke the spell, excitedly welcoming Alice into the room.

"Come, Alice," she urged. "Don't stand on ceremony, dear, take a seat, anywhere you like." She spread her arms out wide, gesturing to the room. "As you can see, we're doing clay work this afternoon."

Alice's demure personality was a stark contrast to Gloria's outlandish one. I was sure that once Alice got to know her, they'd get along just fine.

I watched as Alice tentatively walked around the table towards me. Her eyes broke contact with mine when she glanced at the ground, only to look up and return her gaze with more intensity than before.

My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest as she came nearer.

Nearer.

Until she stood right next to me.

I swear to God, her eyes burned right into my soul.

"Hi, is anybody sitting here?" she asked, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of pink.

"Um, no… please, please sit down," I replied. I stood up, knocking the round wooden stool with my knees as they struggled to remain steady.

I raked my shaking fingers through my hair. "Hello… Alice. How are you? I mean, I hope you're well."

I struggled to speak, her dazzling beauty making it difficult for me to put a coherent sentence together.

Her small hands pulled the stool toward her and she sat down. "I feel fine, Jasper. Thank you..."

"Alright, class," Gloria announced. "While we wait for the last few students to arrive, I want you to get use to the feel of your clay and become familiar with its texture."

I watched Alice place her hands gently on the chocolate coloured clay and apply a slow even pressure. My eyes fluttered to her face, which was relaxed into a soft smile, while her gaze was fixated on the table in front of her.

Even in deep in thought, she was stunning. Her short, wild hair gave her a look of independence and confidence, which I found very alluring.

I kneaded my own mound of clay with my knuckles, feeling its coolness against my warm skin.

Returning my gaze back to Alice, I noticed her eyes were now wide and she stared vacantly into the distance.

"Alice?" I whispered. "Are you alright?" I placed my hand on her arm.

She didn't reply. Instead, she cowered from my touch and wrapped her arms protectively around her head.

"Alice?" I begged as panic crept up my spine.


	20. One of My Turns

_**Seeing as it's very late I thought I'd update as soon as I possibly could and not wait until Sunday. I hope you're still enjoying reading Sense of Self. Thanks as always to my fabulous beta MissAlex - you know she writes two great stories don't you? Rebel Without a Cause http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/4912876/1/ and a collaboration with Larin20 Every October http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/5450991/1/ Be sure to check them out :)**_

**Chapter Nineteen:**

**One of My Turns**

_I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;  
I lift my lids and all is born again.  
(I think I made you up inside my head.)_

_~ Mad Girls Love Song by Sylvia Plath_

_**Alice  
**_  
I didn't think anything of it.

My vision tunnelled and my hands shook, yet I didn't have the sense to think anything of it.

I leaned forward, increasing the pressure upon my cold mound of clay as the sounds in the room began to fade and a strange sense of déjà-vu crept up my spine.

Then, without warning, I was in a room that I vaguely recognized, and I knew that I wasn't in art therapy anymore.

The room was bathed in a piercing, white light and I was lying down, strapped to a steel table.

My hands felt numb so I stretched out my fingers and then curled them into a fist. They'd lost all feeling because the straps were pulled so tight that blood had ceased to flow to them. They tingled slightly, making me wince.

Deciding it was easier, I lay perfectly still. My eyes were wide with fear as metal plates were placed on either side of my head with a strap positioned across my forehead. The restraints felt heavy and uncomfortable.

"Bite down, Alice. You know the drill." A voice instructed.

I couldn't see the person who had spoken but she sounded raspy and mean.

The paper gown rustled as I began to shake. My teeth chattered and I prayed that this would be the only memory I would have after the treatment.

I looked up at the nurse who loomed over me, staring at me with menacing dark eyes. I remembered this part from my first treatment and knew that it was the worst part. The waiting. That and knowing all eyes in the room were on me.

"Ready." The nurse nodded to someone I, once again, failed to see.

I heard the familiar click of the button, and then everything turned white around me as an agonising pain shot throughout my body.

Every part of me stiffened. My eyes bulged, my jaw clamped shut, and I fleetingly tasted the warm, metallic blood that oozed from the side of my tongue. My knuckles whitened as I gripped the sides of the bed.

Then, just as quickly as it started, it stopped.

The images played in slow motion before me, like some bad, black and white, silent film.

Then I heard the click, and again, I was back on the bed and the pain filled me once more. My blood thickened as my body was electrified, and I couldn't do anything but shake and bite down on the rubber tubing in my mouth.

My body relaxed as the current lessened and then came to a complete stop. My wild eyes landed on a plant on a nearby shelf. It looked odd and out of place. Its beauty stood in stark contrast to the room, which was so cold and barren.

My hands gripped the cold, steel rail underneath the straps as I tried to wiggle my feet. The nurse replaced the fallen electrodes and chastised me for moving about so much.

I wanted to reply with some witty comeback, but even if I could have unclenched my jaw and opened my mouth to speak, I wouldn't have said a word. I couldn't. This was not a place where I possessed free speech. I had no control over anything. I was inside my body, yet standing outside it at the same time.

That was my last coherent thought as the third, longest and most powerful current attacked my every nerve. It felt as though every cell in my body exploded and then I passed out.

Suddenly, I found myself in a different room - my bedroom – and the artificial light hurt my eyes.

I sensed somebody with me, but I couldn't move my head to look. I couldn't move at all. A sense of foreboding filled the air, so thick and stale.

"Jasper?" I squeaked. My voice was barely more than a whisper, my throat was dry and sore, and my eyelids felt heavy.

For some reason though, I knew that my visitor wasn't him.

I felt my thoughts slipping back to the present as someone called my name, but I needed to know who was in my room so I tried to concentrate and stay focused on the past.

Finally, I successfully settled myself back in the dark room so I could find my answers.

"Jasper?" A voice announced. It wasn't Jasper, as I predicted. "Oh, Jasper couldn't come today so I came instead. However, he did tell me to say hello."

"What?" I murmured.

My mind was still groggy and confused, but I tried to keep my eyes open long enough to focus on the shadowy figure that was perched on the edge of my bed.

Then the strangest laugh filled the room. It hurt my ears, and I silently begged for it to stop, but it didn't cease. I forced my eyes to stay open and I saw him.

James.

My eyes widened and I let out a high-pitched scream, which ended up sounding more like the squeak or a whimper. A cloth, of some sort, covered my mouth and nose, terrifying me.

I tried to move but the weight of his body pinned me down. The toxic fumes from the cloth invaded my nose and I choked as I gasped for breath. I blinked rapidly to try and clear my vision but my tears blinded me.

Then, suddenly, everything stopped and the image faded to nothing.

Hesitantly, I opened my eyes, and the first thing I saw was Jasper looking at me. It was then I realized that I was lying down, but not in my room, and not in the treatment room. As my eyes scanned my surroundings, I discovered I was in a strange white room.

I wondered what I was doing here and I focused on Jasper for an explanation. His lips were moving but I couldn't hear him because the buzzing in my head overwhelmed all of my senses.

My mind and body felt drained as I struggled to make out what he was saying with no success.

The look of concern on his face was alarming and I pleaded with my eyes for him to talk louder. Instead, his pink lips settled into a forced smile as he placed his hand upon my forehead.

_**Jasper**_

"Alice, please answer me. Are you okay?" I pleaded. The fear that ran up my spine laced my voice, causing it to sound higher than normal. Ever since Alice was led out of art therapy in her daze, amongst the stares of the other students in the class, I'd been on edge. I had no idea what was going on with her.

I sensed Gloria's presence next to me so I tore my gaze away from Alice and looked at her.

"She won't answer me!" I exclaimed. Gloria placed her hand upon my shoulder so I stepped aside and allowed her approach Alice.

"Alice? Alice, dear, can you answer me?" she asked calmly. She waited only a second before turning to me. "Alright, Jasper, I need you to go next door and tell the nurse that I need her to come here. Can you do that?"

She guided the none-responsive Alice back onto her stool. Her eyes remained fixed straight ahead as if she was watching a television screen.

"Yes," I stammered as I rushed from the room.

I hurried back with the nurse and as she approached Gloria, I paced the room, never taking my eyes off Alice. Her facial expression remained blank.

What the hell was happening?

The questions began to fill my mind. Was this why she was here at Danvers? Did she often have these trance-like episodes?

I didn't know anything about this type of disorder and my thoughts were merely speculation. The nurse stood Alice up and supported her as Gloria held her up on the other side, and they guided her toward the door.

There was no way I would allow them to leave without me.

"Gloria-"

"Stay here, Jasper," she ordered, interrupting me. "She'll be fine."

"No, I need to stay with her, please," I begged.

Her stare wavered and I thought I'd gotten through to her but then her expression hardened and she shook her head.

"No, Jasper, you will allow us to take care of her and you will be on your way," she replied determinedly.

I stalked toward Alice, ignoring the protests from both Gloria and the nurse.

"Alice, you'll be okay. I won't leave you, I promise," I assured her.

I glared at Gloria and the nurse, daring them to stop me. They eyed each other questioningly and to support my plea, Alice's hand shot out and gripped mine. My eyes darted to hers but she still had a vacant look in her eyes as she stared ahead.

Satisfied, I smiled tightly. Even though Alice's current state frightened me, at least if I was by her side, she wouldn't feel alone.

"Fine then, but don't get in the way," the nurse responded curtly. She didn't sound pleased but I didn't care. All I cared about was that I was staying by Alice's side.

Slowly, the four of us walked towards the first aid office a couple of rooms down the hall. Inside, there was a bed, steel work top, and a sink, with a few cupboards mounted on the wall.

With my hand still in hers, the nurse led her to the bed and before they could protest, I scooped Alice up in my arms and gently placed her on top of the mattress. I felt their eyes burning into my back but I paid them no attention.

"There we go," I whispered, stroking Alice's hair. "You'll be okay here."

Her eyelids fluttered and then she finally focused on me. Her eyes watered and her vulnerability ripped at my heart.

"Alice, can you hear me?" I asked, tracing my thumb over her brow.

"Jasper?" Her voice was croaky and her eyes dimmed.

"I'm here, Alice," I murmured. I tried to sound in control but my heart pounded against my chest, incapacitating me. Her helplessness was soul destroying.

"Jasper, I'm scared," she cried as her face distorted with sadness and fear.

"It's okay, I won't let anything happen to you," I replied soothingly. "I'm here and I won't leave you."

Her eyes widened. "No, you don't understand. Something bad is going to happen!" The rest of her words spilled from her lips so quickly that I couldn't understand her. The only word I could decipher was _James_ and his name caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up.

I didn't like the sound of that. Not one bit.

This was definitely _not_ good.

_**A/N Follow me on twitter littlechoo2 if you fancy kicking my ass into gear - I also tweet if a chapter is going to be late.**_


	21. Angel of Sadness

**A/N Thank you to my fabulous beta MissAlex, whose stories you really need to check out; http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/u/1790570/ I'm lovin' her new James Dean avi :) **

**Chapter Twenty:**

**Angel of Sadness**

_**Jasper  
**_  
James!

The guy outside the treatment room...

The one arguing with Laurent?!

I had no idea what he had to do with Alice. Had they even met before? Considering she knew his name, they must've crossed paths. The notion that James might be planning something with Laurent - a plan that could have something to do with Alice - infuriated me. She couldn't protect herself against Laurent –a vampire! Never mind the possibility that James was one too.

My chest ceased up, causing me to struggle for breath as I clenched my fists. But as I looked down at the angelic face of the delicate girl before me on the bed, my muscles relaxed. Uncurling my hands, I reached out and stroked her hair, allowing her short locks to graze in between my fingers.

No one could possible want to hurt her, could they? She was so innocent and didn't deserve anything bad to happen to her. My head throbbed as I tried to remember if I'd ever seen Alice and James together before. I realized that I hadn't.

Her murmuring brought me out of my contemplation, and my gaze locked on Alice as her eyelids fluttered open.

She blinked. "Jasper?"

The scraping sound of a chair moving across the smooth tiled floor made us both turn our heads towards the door.

My body tensed but when I realized that our visitor was only a nurse, I let out a slow shaky breath and relaxed again. But I was still nervously wondering what information Alice had to share.

"Alice?" I began as I looked back to her. "What happened?"

She turned her head away from me, but I still caught the flush of her cheeks. I sensed that she didn't want to talk about it, and I really didn't want to push her, but at the same time, I had to know so I could help her.

"Alice, please. Can you tell me what happened?" I pressed.

She rolled her head back to look at me as a single tear slipped onto the pillow.

"Are you able to come by and see me later?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I did it once before, didn't I?" I smiled as I touched her shoulder. She turned onto her side and pushed up with her elbows until she was sitting up.

"I don't know when they will let me go back to my room but I feel quite fine," she replied.

"Alice, please lie back down and rest," the nurse instructed behind me.

The sudden command made us both jump. Alice rolled her eyes and then scooted back underneath the covers.

"Time to go, Jasper," the nurse announced harshly. "You've already missed your class." I was about to protest when Alice stopped me by placing her hand on mine.

"I'll see you later," she mouthed before smiling shyly and scooting down until only her head was showing from underneath the blanket.

Giving her one last fleeting look before I left, I couldn't help but smile. I would see her later using the key Liam gave me. As I headed for the door, I vowed to myself that no matter what, Alice and I would figure out what the hell was going on.

My smile turned into a grimace as soon as I stepped out of the first aid room into the hall. I made my way down the deserted corridor and out the main doors towards my block, fully intending to go to my room, when suddenly, I changed my mind and turned around, heading in the direction of the rear wards. I had a feeling I would find him lurking around there.

My breath quickened and my heart raced as I continued my trek, doubting my new plan.

Feeling dizzy, I stopped, placed my hands on my knees and leaned forward slightly. It was madness to go looking for James now. I saw how strong he was when he gripped Laurent by the throat. As far as I knew, nobody had ever stood up to Laurent before so if James was that fearless, I needed more information and a more definitive plan before I searched for him.

It was then that I made a swift decision. I would visit Alice once she returned to her room, find out how she knew James, and then I would settle on the best way to handle this whole thing.

My heart steadied once more as I turned around and walked down the corridor towards my block.

_**Alice**_

It wasn't long after Jasper left that I was allowed to leave the small confines of the first aid room. Actually, I was sorry to leave because the bed was much nicer than mine. But on the other hand, I was looking forward to seeing Jasper later.

After Jasper's departure, the nurse bombarded me with a barrage of questions about what happened to me in art class. I couldn't exactly tell her that I had a vision of the future so I remained silent. The proper thing to do was notify the Danvers' staff that my visions were becoming longer, clearer, and less painful, rather than diminishing like they'd hoped, but my gut told me to keep this piece of information to myself.

I was transferred straight to my room and dinner arrived shortly after, which was a relief because I didn't feel like braving the canteen.

Mary hung round for awhile while I ate. She didn't say much but her company was pleasant. I didn't mention what happened in art therapy but I could tell from her demeanour that she knew something had occurred. However, she didn't push the issue and I was grateful for that because I really didn't know how to explain it to her.

Sitting on my bed with my legs curled under me, I turned to my roommate.

"Do you have plans this evening, Mary?" I asked.

She looked at me quizzically and I soon realized my mistake. I laughed, hiding my mouth behind my hand. Mary watched me blankly for a moment and then her lips curved into a wide smile as she joined in my laughter.

"I mean, will you be staying here or watching television in the lounge?" I clarified. I fiddled with the top blanket in an attempt not to look eager for her reply.

"I was going to watch television for a while before lights out," she replied. "Why, would you like to come?"

"Oh, no, no," I answered casually. "I plan on staying here and relaxing. I feel exhausted." To further prove my statement, I stretched my arms up high and yawned, trying to ignore the flush of my cheeks. Mary eyed me sceptically and then turned the tables on me.

"Do you have plans while you remain here?" she inquired with wide eyes.

I took in her small face and drawn out features. At one time, she might have looked delicate, maybe even pretty, but now she looked pale and taut. It was clear that she'd been through hard times. Her walk also gave her away. She slinked about with her head down and constantly dragged her feet.

My face burned as I tried to think of some excuse, but the look on her face begged me not to lie.

"I have..." I paused, biting my lower lip. "I have somebody coming to see me," I admitted.

Mary's reaction was not what I expected. Her eyes darted around the room nervously and her face became impossibly paler.

She jumped up from her bed and began removing her meagre personal belongings from the top of her dresser and shoving the items into the drawers. I watched in amazement. I'd never seen her move so fast.

"Mary?" I tried. "Are you alright?" My eyes followed her about the room as she moved the clothing from the top of her bed to underneath the box spring.

"Mary," I exclaimed. "Stop!" I walked toward her to try and calm her.

"You can't let him sit on my bed!" she cried with wild eyes. "He cannot sit on my bed! And don't let him touch my stuff! You shouldn't be playing with fire, you'll... you'll get hurt!"

She threw her hands up in the air exasperatedly and I could only watch helplessly as she lost control of her senses. What on earth triggered this?

Then I realized that she said _him_.

Him?

How did she know that Jasper was the one coming to visit me?

Then it hit me and my jaw dropped.

Did she think..?

"Mary, who exactly do you think is coming?" I asked aloud, even though I already knew the answer. A cold chill ran up my spine, causing me to shiver.

Her reaction scared me as she continued terrorizing the room. How could one person react so violently to the thought of another person?

What had he done to her?

"Mary!" I shouted. She halted all movements and her eyes pierced into mine.

"What happened?" I asked, lowering my voice to just above a whisper. I rested my hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently, hoping my action would calm her.

Her lower lip trembled and she crumbled to the floor. I sat down beside her on the cold, tiled floor and waited for her to speak. After a few moments of silence, her hoarse voice echoed softly throughout the room and its gritty tone shocked me.

"Why do you like him?" she whispered.

"Who, Mary?" I urged. "Who are you talking about?"

I wanted her to say his name. I wanted her to say it _out loud_.

"Laurent," she spat. His name spilled from her lips with complete distaste and I knew the only way to keep her talking was to keep her angry.

"Because he's been a friend to me." I shrugged, keeping my eyes to the ground. The truth was that after his outburst regarding Jasper, I had felt increasingly uneasy around him. But I needed more information about him and only Mary could give it to me.

"He's the worst possible friend you could ever have," she hissed as she grabbed my hand. "He'll hurt you."

"What do you mean, Mary? How? Why?!" I begged.

If Laurent was dangerous, I needed to know.

"He'll give you nightmares," she stated as she let go of my hand and stood up, seemingly calmer now.

"I'll tell you one day but you'll never believe me," she added as she walked towards the door. "You need to see for yourself - only then will you understand."

Her ominous tone puzzled me. It was like she was talking in riddles. I still needed more information but she looked determined to leave so I had no choice but to let her go.

When she reached the door, she stopped and turned around to face me.

"Do you have to bring him here - into _our _room?"

It was only then that I remembered that I hadn't corrected her when she presumed my impending visitor was Laurent.

"Oh no, it's not Laurent coming here," I clarified. "It's my new friend, Jasper."

"Jasper Whitlock?" she asked.

Her cheeks reddened as her eyes darted to the ground suspiciously. Her sudden change in mood was odd, but this docile, embarrassed Mary was better than the manic and frightened one from before.

"I think that's his full name..." my voice trailed off. "Why?"

"Oh, I've just heard about him that's all," she replied, waving me off. But her blush remained, giving her away.

I nodded slowly as I studied her expression. I'd never seen her act this way before.

"I'll stay in the lounge for awhile to give you two some privacy," she offered, opening the door.

"I appreciate your kindness, Mary, but I don't know when he'll be arriving. I wouldn't want to keep you from your room. After all, it belongs to you too. Thanks anyway though."

She didn't reply as I flashed her a smile. Instead, she quickly turned around and exited the room, closing the door behind her.

All I had to do now was sit and wait for Jasper. And Mary had certainly giving me plenty to think about in the meantime.

Not half an hour later, there was a timid rap on the door.

"Come in," I called softly, trying to hide the excitement in my voice as my stomach did somersaults.

The door opened slightly and a mop of dark blond hair poked through the crack, causing my heart to skip a beat.

"Quickly, Jasper," I ushered him in. "Before somebody sees you."

Obeying my request, he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"I told you I'd come," he grinned.

My cheeks reddened at the sudden realization that we were alone together in my _room_.

I wiped my hands nervously on my pants, pretending to smooth out the fabric while I gathered up the courage to speak. This was not a light topic and if I didn't bring it up now, I'd probably lose my nerve completely.

Setting my uneasiness aside, I gestured to my bed. "Jasper, please sit down. I have something I need to tell you."


	22. The Charging Sky

**A/N a massive thank you to MissAlex, who doesn't complain that it takes me three weeks to write what she could write in a blink of an eye. You're the best Alex, truly.**

**Thanks for waiting patiently :) **

**Chapter 21:**

**The Charging Sky**

_**Alice**_

Jasper sat on my bed like I'd requested and his eyes were fixed firmly on me as I anxiously moved about the room. He waited for me to explain, and although I knew what I had to say, to actually come out and say it was proving to be a very tough undertaking.

I opened my mouth to start, but my throat closed up, causing me to choke on my words. I desperately needed a drink of water.

My cheeks flushed as my nervousness overwhelmed me.

What if he didn't believe me? What if I told him and he walked out the door and didn't look back? Would he think that I was insane?

Or would he stay?

Although I was a resident at Danvers, that didn't mean that I was crazy. For Jasper to question my sanity, like my parents did, and reject me, would be devastating.

As I panicked, I couldn't look at him. I swallowed hard, the sound magnified as it echoed in my ears, causing me to wince.

"Are you okay, Alice?" Jasper asked gently, forcing me to focus back on the task at hand. I crossed the room and sat next to him on my bed, the box-spring creaking slightly as the mattress dipped under my weight.

We were close.

Too close.

The static crackled between us as electricity surged through my veins, propelling a current throughout my body that felt glorious, a stark contrast to the painful energy that flowed through me during my dreadful shock treatment.

Briefly, I wondered if Jasper felt it too.

Quickly, I stood up and moved to Mary's bed, adjacent to mine. Now, mixed with my anxiety, was a shyness that I'd never experienced before. I could not deny that Jasper was very handsome. Add that to his gentlemanly manners, and I was downright excited to be in his presence, which didn't exactly help my nervousness at the moment.

Lifting my gaze, I tried to read his expression. It was soft and relaxed, so I took that as my cue to begin my explanation. It was now or never.

"Yes, I'm fine," I said slowly, wringing my fingers together in an attempt to combat my restlessness. "I just feel..." my voice trailed off. "Well, I don't actually know how I feel..."

The words hung in the air, and once again, I was stuck. Placing my head in my hands, my fingers tightly gripping my short strands of hair, I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Start by telling me about what happened in art therapy," he prompted, his tone firm.

Once again, I felt the rush of blood to my cheeks. In order to answer his question, I would have to reveal what brought me to Danvers in the first place.

I went over a possible response in my head.

_I am here because of my ability to... _

Ugh!

_To _what_?! _

Before coming to Danvers, I would've said, _'because of my visions of the future.'_

But now, after the shock treatment and the ice baths, the visions were changing, and I didn't even know if, in fact, they _were_ still visions of the future. The electric currents and freezing cold water could have jolted something in my head, short-circuiting my wiring, and perhaps the images no longer held any meaning. Perhaps they were simply figments of my imagination now.

However, given my history, I couldn't discount them just yet. Not when they hadn't let me down in the past.

Although I wasn't one hundred percent sure of most things anymore, there was one thing I knew for certain – I desperately wanted Jasper to be my friend. And not one of those short friendships like I'd experienced in my childhood, but something everlasting.

"Alice?" he encouraged gently.

I lifted my head and looked at him. He leaned forward, his elbows propped on his knees, his eyebrows furrowed.

"It goes back as far as I can remember…" I replied softly. Once again, my eyes found the floor and I rubbed my hands together to stop myself from fidgeting with the bedspread.

As soon as I began, I couldn't stop. I told Jasper about my lonely childhood, my visions, or, at least, what I understood about my visions as of late, and my parents initial support, leaving out the fact that they had abandoned me in this God-forsaken place.

To my surprise and complete joy, Jasper listened intently, never once grimacing or running away.

On and on I went, pausing for a breath only when I absolutely had to. He let me talk and didn't interrupt me once. His face was a rainbow of emotions as he absorbed my history, my background, my life. But they were all positive expressions.

When I finished, I exhaled a deep breath and silently willed Jasper to speak. As I waited, I looked everywhere but in his eyes.

"I'm sorry about your parents," he sympathized as he crossed the room to Mary's bed, taking a seat beside me, causing my cheeks to burn yet again. "Do you miss them?"

The fact that he had picked that one topic out of everything I confessed him - the one subject that bothered me the most – and that he was able to read between the lines, told me that he understood me better than I thought. This gave me hope.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I glanced at him. "Yes, but sometimes I get so angry at them. I know they love me and that deep down they're doing this - leaving me here - to help me," I hesitated, casting my gaze to the floor.

I hadn't talked to anyone about my parents before and it felt strange, considering that up until now, I'd buried their memory, trying desperately to forget my past.

"So, was that what happened in art therapy class - you had a vision?" Jasper inquired, leaning into me, placing his hand over top of mine, which caused my skin to tingle.

I nodded without looking his way, grateful for the change in topic. He lifted his arm and brushed his fingertips across my cheek, catching my tears as they fell.

"Don't be ashamed of who you are, Alice," he continued, his simple touch comforting me. "Especially not in front of me."

Again, I nodded, not trusting myself to speak just yet.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked. To my dismay, he lowered his hand to his lap, linking it with his other one. "You said something about James - what about him?"

Now came the tough part. There was much to say regarding James and not all of it made sense to me, so goodness knows how it could possibly make sense to Jasper.

I climbed off Mary's mattress, and began straightening the blanket on my bed across from Jasper, taking extra care to smooth out the top sheet. Next, I rearranged the few items I had on my dresser before sitting down next to him once again.

The entire time, Jasper never once took his eyes off of me. His patience was remarkable and I truly appreciated his support and the fact that he allowed me to open up to him on my own terms, without pressuring me.

"I only met him on one occasion," I replied, feeling more confident in my ability to answer Jasper properly. "He seemed quite nice - a little forward maybe - but nice, in an _I'm-so-cool_ kind of way. He told me that he's been here awhile."

Jasper's eyes narrowed and severe agitation laced his next comment. "So you've talked to him?" he pried.

"Just briefly," I corrected quickly, hoping that he didn't think that my interaction with James was anything special. "I saw him talk to Laurent as well. Normally, I wouldn't have paid their discussion any attention, but it was hard to ignore them. I got the impression that they didn't get along."

"What do you mean?" Jasper pressed. "Were they arguing? What happened?"

"It occurred just before my encounter with James. Before he came over to talk to me, he exchanged words with Laurent in some strange language." I shrugged. "That was it, really. But the look - the look Laurent gave James as he watched him stroll towards me afterwards was one of pure hatred."

"Can you explain your visions to me?" Jasper asked, his tone gentle once again. "Or maybe just your most recent one?"

My heart skipped a beat at his belief and acceptance of my ability.

I wondered briefly why he was jumping all over the place with his line of questioning, but I quickly brushed off my confusion, focusing on the fact that I was thankful he cared enough to even ask me questions in the first place.

Placing the back of my hand to my forehead while I paced the room, I told him everything I could remember, or, at least, make sense of, regarding my vision involving James.

Jasper's face softened when I mentioned that I called his name in my vision, but when I informed him that I did that as James placed a cloth over my mouth, his eyes widened.

He opened his mouth to speak but a knock at the door prevented him from voicing his comments out loud.

Jasper shifted his gaze just as Mary opened the door, popping her head in through the crack, her eyes sweeping the small room. Once she saw Jasper, her stare intensified.

Jasper froze and the color drained from his face.

Now, _he_ was the one refusing to meet _my_ gaze.

"Medicine is on its way," Mary warned, glaring at Jasper with an odd expression on her face.

Unfortunately, this meant that Jasper had to leave so he wouldn't get caught in here with me. Mary disappeared, shutting the door behind her and Jasper looked at me before departing without saying goodbye.

I stood there with my mouth hanging open, so many unasked questions teetering on my tongue.

What upset me was that Jasper left and didn't say goodbye.

I felt deflated, and suddenly, very alone. Eager to confront him, I darted out the door, only to crash into someone in the corridor.

And that someone definitely wasn't Jasper.

I looked up and judging from my company's unhappy expression, I could tell that the reason for his visit wasn't a pleasant one.

Breaking the silence, he spoke, a frightening sneer playing upon his smooth lips, marring his flawless face. "Why, hello, dear Alice."

* * *

_**Jasper **_

Mary.

How on Earth did I miss that? How did I not know that Alice shared a room with Mary?!

I hung my head in shame. Just thinking of that poor girl now caused my mind to flood with feelings of guilt and remorse. Her face looked so pale, drawn. Like that of a corpse.

Mary had been through what I went through, but I always figured that I'd fared better than her when dealing with the aftermath because emotionally, I was stronger. But now I wasn't so sure. Did I look that ill too?

Raking my fingers through my hair, I thought about how quickly Mary had left and then I recalled Alice's distraught expression as she opened up to me about her life and most importantly, her visions.

I was so honored that she trusted me enough to share such intimate details.

But after Mary departed, and Alice and I were alone again, images of Mary's distressed face flashed through my mind, and I felt worthless. I couldn't protect her, so how could I ever protect Alice?

Not only did I feel no good for Alice – undeserving of her friendship – but I also felt no good for anybody in general.

I hoped Alice hadn't picked up on anything between Mary and me.

If Alice knew what Mary knew...

I couldn't even finish that thought.

Alice could _never _know about my sordid little secret. Never.

Without another word to Alice, I walked out of the room with my head hung low and my shoulders hunched. I should have been happy because I'd gotten to talk to her, but my not-so-distant past haunted me, preventing me from doing so.

I sauntered down the hallway, my eyes to the ground and after walking aimlessly around the institution for God knows how long, I picked up on some footsteps behind me. Someone – correction – some_thing_ was following me.

I'd recognize those light, musical steps anywhere.

He possessed such graceful movements. Meanwhile, he was such a horrid creature. The juxtaposition baffled me.

I sighed. His presence meant that he knew I'd been in Alice's room.

Damn.

The ramifications of him knowing that Alice and I spoke terrified me.

I didn't turn my head because his eyes were undoubtedly fixated on me and I didn't want to offer him any indication that I knew he was there. I knew extremely well how Laurent operated and I refused to give him the satisfaction.

Without hesitation, I carried on, holding my head up high. But regardless of my calm exterior, inside, my stomach was churning. I hoped that Alice was alright, but I couldn't go check on her now. I'd have to wait until later.

As I rounded the next corner, I made a run for it.

Once I determined that Laurent was no longer on my trail, I stopped and leaned against the wall, struggling to catch my breath.

I felt powerless and weak. Laurent knew it too and soon, so would Alice. It was only a matter of time before she found out how worthless I really was.

The thought sickened me that no matter what, my true nature would one day be revealed to her.

I needed to get away so I journeyed to the one place I knew that I could be alone.

After making my way down corridor after corridor, I opened an unassuming door and descended the four small steps which led to the basement, heading toward my secret spot.

It was eerily dark and smelled mouldy and if I'd never been down here before, I would have turned around instead of going any further. Only the odd hallway had a working light and even they didn't shine very bright.

This part of the hospital had been abandoned years ago, once more humane conditions were created above. Old rusted water and heating pipes ran the length of the ceilings and the paint on the walls had almost entirely peeled off due to the damp conditions, revealing messy drawings on the walls sketched by past patients.

At the end of the final corridor, I arrived at a large, rusty door. Just as I was about to open it, the dim light above me began to flicker.

My hand paused mid-air and I held my breath as I looked up at the dying light. That's when I heard them.

Voices.

Voices in the distance, echoing off the barren walls of this empty corridor.

I froze, hoping not to reveal my presence. But once again, the basement was blanketed in silence.

The voices had ceased.

In order to investigate further, I decided to backtrack, inching quietly down the darkened maze of hallways I'd just ventured along a few minutes before.

I came to a stop when I heard the voices again. This time they were louder. I listened intently. Someone was angry, that much was extremely clear

I crept closer, edging myself along the damp, cracked wall, approaching the corner where the voices seemed to originate. The light above flickered and then died, leaving me in darkness.

"Don't fucking worry about, Laurent," a male voice snapped. "I told you that he wouldn't touch you. Now, quit your fucking moaning and tell me - what else did she say?"

James. It was James speaking.

The exchange caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. This argument had something to do with Laurent and that scared me. Things were getting complicated. But at the same time, this only encouraged me more to determine what the hell was going on.

I leaned forward, straining to hear better, hoping to catch a glimpse of James' face to confirm my suspicion, as well as identify the other person or _persons_ he was with. I wasn't sure how many people were down here. Heck, maybe his companions weren't even human.

Unfortunately, a second individual replied so quietly that I couldn't even tell if the voice belonged to a man or a woman.

As I counted to ten, preparing myself to take a look around the corner, I suddenly changed my mind. Something was off.

Nobody came down to the basement. Ever.

So if they decided to venture down here to have their conversation, chances were that something fishy was going on.

A high-pitched yelp caused me to peek against my better judgement and all I could make out were two shadows with no distinguishing features. But as the larger of the two towered over the cowering smaller one, continuing his verbal tirade, I knew undoubtedly that it was James.

"Don't forget to do what I told you," he continued as he stepped back and walked away. "It's important."

Once James was swallowed up by the darkness, the smaller figure rushed down the hallway in the same direction. Immediately, I decided to follow them, my curiosity getting the better of me.

As I followed this individual, I determined that she was female. Not only that but she was very fast. She was practically running down the corridors which meant that she'd obviously been down here before because she knew where she was going and wasn't afraid. Judging from her graceless movements, I safely assumed that she wasn't a vampire.

It was only when she rounded the last bend before we arrived at the stairs to bring us up to the main floor that I identified who this mysterious female was.

I stopped dead in my tracks as she paused under the warm glow of the light, a chill creeping up my spine.

Her red cardigan was unmistakable.

Mary.

It was Mary.

Why the hell was Mary secretly meeting up with James - a _vampire_ - the same breed as Laurent, the creature who had terrorized us for so long?!

I thought the situation was bad before, but damn, things had just gotten a whole lot more complicated


	23. Beautiful Liar

**A/N Thank you to MissAlex, for her beta'in skills :) **

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**Beautiful Liar**

_**Alice**_

"Hello, little one," Laurent greeted, his soothing voice causing the smile to slip from my face.

"Oh, hello," I replied, trying to keep my voice from wavering.

I took a small step backwards, my plimsoll catching the tiled surface of the floor, sending a loud squeak blasting throughout the corridor. I held my breath, attempting to remain calm before speaking again.

"How are you?" I asked casually.

My voice sounded awkward and stiff. I cleared my throat and waited for him to speak again.

He glanced behind me into my room, his nose crinkling as he sniffed the air. "I'm well, child. Thank you." His eyes found mine once again, his dark stare making me feel uncomfortable. "You should open a window."

A significant silence engulfed us as I nodded. The seconds ticked away until I could no longer hold his gaze and I felt myself crumbling under his scrutiny.

I had to do something to make him stop staring.

"So, what have you been doing this evening?" I inquired, breaking the silence.

I tried not to react when he crept closer. I squared my shoulders, focusing on maintaining my nerve, regardless if my voice gave me away earlier. Nonchalantly, I stepped backwards with a smile. My insides were churning and my chest constricted as I continued to take deep breaths.

"I wish that this visit was a pleasant one," he responded, a sly grin ghosting his lips, causing a feeling of dread to hit me like a battering ram.

His long, slender fingers grasp the door handle as he backed me up into my room. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat as he gently closed the door behind him. Given my anxiety, the click of the lock as it shut sounded louder than usual.

Struggling to hold my composure, I let out a shaky breath.

"Sit down, Laurent," I offered, gesturing to the chair at the desk by the window.

He took a seat while I remained standing. I was too nervous to sit. Laurent hadn't visited my room since the first week I arrived here and I wondered why he was here now.

"So what do I owe the honor of this late night visit?" I asked, puffing out my chest, trying to display a confidence I didn't have while smiling awkwardly.

His eyes locked with mine but he didn't speak.

"The trolley is on its way, I believe," I added quickly.

"It's not so late, little one," he chuckled, his expression softening "I've only come to remind you about tomorrow. And the nurse is still a little ways up the corridor so she won't be here for awhile."

He leaned backwards, placing on his elbows on the armrests.

I took a few small steps towards Mary's bed and perched myself stiffly on the edge of the mattress. The contrast between our body language was striking.

"Oh, I hadn't forgotten," I lied.

My face burned as I tried to hold his gaze. Of course I had. My remarkable encounter with Jasper had made me forget almost everything.

"I'm actually not feeling too good, Laurent," I stammered. "If... if I'm unwell tomorrow would the treatment still take place?"

If my vision was to be believed, I couldn't have the treatment.

"You will be fine, Alice. Just fine," he assured. "Even if you're unwell, it won't be cancelled. Tomorrow is unavoidable, my child."

My mind raced. I had to think of something, and quick. I stood up, pacing the room. The air around me felt thick and my movements felt awkward and stiff.

Laurent rose to his feet and walked towards me, his cold fingers brushing against my forearm. His subtle touch felt wrong, yet…unavoidable.

_How did he do that?_

I shook my head and blinked, breaking the dream-like fog that encompassed my mind. I jumped back and coughed.

"I think I need a drink of water," I choked out.

My head began to spin and I gripped the nearby wardrobe to steady myself. Laurent reached out and grabbed my arm. His touch was cold and a chill seeped through my flimsy blouse as he led me back to the bed.

"I think that maybe you're right, Alice." His voice had lost its dreamy tone. "It will soon be lights out so you should sleep now. It is important for you to rest before tomorrow. I will leave you now and return in the morning to collect you."

He walked towards the door but then halted in his tracks, pivoting on his heels to face me again. He lifted his hand as he strolled in my direction and cupped my cheek with his marble palm.

I looked up into his hypnotic stare and I knew. I knew tomorrow's treatment could not take place. The consequence would be my certain death.

My stomach, which had yet to stop churning, ceased up and its contents spilled from my mouth, gushing onto the floor and onto Laurent's shoes. His backwards step had not been quick enough to escape the foul mess.

I stood still with my eyes wide, about to apologize, when his hand gripped my shoulder and pushed me down onto the bed.

"Stay, child," he instructed, his expression stoic. He cleared up my mess quickly and efficiently as I watched, my body numb.

"Now clean yourself up and get some sleep," he continued. "I will see you in the morning. And remember, no breakfast."

With that, he sauntered out of the room. The door bounced on its hinges and then clicked into place behind him.

Finally, he was gone.

I let out a sigh and began to undress, removing my surprisingly vomit-free clothes before slipping into my nightwear, the stench of my stomach contents lingering in the air.

As the moonlight seeped into the room, I realized that Mary should have been back by now. I wondered where she had scurried off to in such a hurry, especially since she knew that the night medications were on their way.

Removing the cup of water off the side table, I took a drink and swirled the cool liquid around in my mouth. I still needed to clean myself properly so I grabbed my toothpaste and toothbrush and headed for the nearest washroom.

Mary still hadn't returned by the time I returned.

I slipped off my socks and jumped into bed, feeling the cold sheets against my cotton night dress and bare legs. I brought my knees to my chest as my head sunk into the pillow and recalled my conversation with Laurent. His visit had left a strange, lingering euphoric sensation in my mind and a tingling feeling throughout my body. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but I felt so unlike myself.

However, I refused to let our uncomfortable discussion dampen my evening. Shivering, I let my thoughts drift to someone who also aroused a feeling deep inside me – but in this case, it was a extraordinary, welcoming sentiment.

_Jasper._

He had really been here - in my room. I smiled sleepily and stretched a leg towards the bottom of the bed where he'd sat, grazing my toes across the sheet. Pointing my toes, I traced circular movements with my foot.

My heartbeat quickened as I imagined him sitting with me right now, his soft, blue gaze invading mine. I closed my eyes as an intense heat spread throughout my body.

A small moan escaped my lips as my hand found my stomach. I rested it there motionlessly. Again, I brought my knees to my chest, this time pressing my thighs together as my hand slowly glided towards the source of the heat.

The squeaky wheels of the medicine trolley outside the door broke my spell and I bolted upright as the warmth changed direction and rushed to my cheeks. My breathing was heavy as Mary opened the door and entered, followed by a nurse.

Mary panted as she sat on the bed. The red patches on her cheeks crept down towards her neck.

"Have you been running, Mary?" I asked.

She didn't respond.

My unusual bewilderment from my encounter with Laurent remained, clouding my mind. I'd never felt this way before. I ran my hand through my hair and tucked the blankets under my chin. The nurse placed our pills and two beakers of water on the dressing table and then quietly left the room. The wheels of her cart echoed loudly down the corridor and when the sound disappeared altogether, I spoke.

"Where have you been?" I inquired to my roommate. I swallowed the lump that was in my throat as I tried to regain my composure.

"Oh, I was just in the bathroom," she replied with a smile. She diverted her gaze and busied herself with her regular bedtime routine.

I snuggled under the blankets and smiled. Jasper was still on my mind as my eyelids fluttered closed and I slipped into a deep slumber.

_________________

I awoke from a nightmare with a jolt. My eyes shot open as panic swelled in my chest, suffocating me.

Someone was in my room.

I froze, beads of sweat forming on my forehead.

The room was bathed in darkness but I could feel someone watching me. The rise and fall of my chest was my only movement, and the only sounds that I could hear was the gentle breaths coming from Mary across the room, in succession with my labored ones.

I blinked rapidly for a moment, in an attempt to clear away the watery mixture of sweat and tears that invaded my eyes, blurring my vision. My eyelids felt heavy as my body relaxed, my initial fright wearing off.

As my eyes adjusted to the blackness, I realized that I was imagining things. There was no one here.

I tried to recall what I'd dreamed about, but my mind was too cloudy. I rolled onto my side and my tears soaked the pillow, making the soft fabric feel cool against my heated cheek. I let my eyes gently close as I drifted back into an unsettled sleep.

***

As the sunlight blazed into my room the next morning, I jumped up from my warm bed and rushed towards the bathroom, where I immediately fell to my knees and heaved into the toilet bowl. Sitting back on my heels, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

There was no way I could possibly go through the treatment today, not if I wanted to live. I had to stop it, but I still didn't know how.

Once my stomach stopped retching, I made my way back to my room, noticing that Mary was still sleeping, and picked up a towel before returning to the washroom to freshen up. I felt hot and uncomfortable after thrashing about all night, and the lack of a decent night's sleep left me feeling exhausted.

As Laurent reminded me, I wasn't allowed to have breakfast this morning so I didn't need to rush getting ready. I took my time tidying my bed when I returned to my room.

I felt agitated and nervous as I waited. Mary rose from her bed but made no effort to leave for her breakfast. I welcomed her silent company as I sat down on my mattress and thought back to my vision, trying to determine if I'd missed something. However, I found it difficult to remember the details, considering my current darkened mood.

I heard footsteps out in the hall and I was shocked when two aides appeared at my door. I narrowed my eyes, surprised that Laurent wasn't here to collect me like he told me yesterday.

Swallowing hard, I climbed down from my bed. My stomach knotted and panic crept up my spine.

"Laurent was supposed to escort me," I stated bluntly. Mary arched an eyebrow before casting her gaze to the floor.

One of the aides - the man with the scowling face - took a step forward. I darted back towards my bed as the second aide stepped into the room.

Something was off. One thing was for certain - I was not going with them. I would wait for Laurent to arrive and then tell him that I was sick.

Yesterday, he said that my treatment would occur no matter what, but surely, if I pleaded my case more thoroughly, informing him that I felt worse, he would cancel it. He couldn't be that callous as to put me through something that would exacerbate my ill condition.

My mind raced and I wondered if I didn't have the treatment, thereby altering the first part of my vision, would that, in turn, alter the rest of it? Or would James end up in my room tonight, regardless?

I looked at Mary, begging her in my mind for help. A sob escaped my throat as the largest aide advanced, grabbing me by my waist and lifting me up.

"No! Please, no!" I begged, struggling to break free.

I dug my heels into the floor but my attempt at rebellion was futile as I was dragged towards the door.

"Please, stop!" I cried, my feet sliding along the smooth laminate. Tears streamed down my face and I bent my legs and fell limp, hoping that my dead weight would slow them down.

It didn't.

As one aide held my arms, the other grabbed my legs and the two of them carried me out the door. I should've known better than to revolt. My visions were always right.

"Just let me go!" I whimpered, letting my neck go weak.

"ALICE!"

The voice that came out of nowhere sounded angry. I stopped my thrashing and lifted my head.

"What is this all about?" Laurent demanded as he approached.

"Laurent, please make them stop! Please!" I wept "He will kill me if I go in there!"

"Who, child?" he pressed as he towered over me. "Who will hurt you?"

Mary emerged from our room with wide eyes and leaned against the wall, her face ashen.

"James! The vision! This is it!" I choked, my body sagging as the aides tightened their grips on my limbs.

"Alice, stop this nonsense now," Laurent ordered. "No one is going to hurt you. Please calm down and we will walk together. Just me and you. How would you like that?"

Looking into Laurent's red eyes, I wished with all my heart that what he was saying was true. But I knew differently. My vision had shown me what would really happen if I went into that treatment room.

"I...I...can't," I sobbed. "Please don't let them take me, Laurent!"

My body stiffened as I prepared to fight again, tears rolling down my cheeks to the floor. The aides stared at Laurent, awaiting their next orders.

I looked at Laurent, just in time to see him nod. The aides nodded too, concluding their silent exchange and then all hell broke loose.

I screamed. Mary screamed. Laurent shouted, and the aides yelled back. Our cries filled the corridor, causing more patients to join in from their rooms.

I struggled to free myself, the loud noises burrowing into my brain, giving me a terrible headache. But once again, my attempts were in vain.

Suddenly, I was dropped onto the hard ground, the impact knocking the wind out of me. Turning onto my stomach, I dug my fingers into the floor and dragged my numb body down the corridor as I screamed. I didn't get far. Rough hands gripped my shoulders, pinning me down.

It was then that I saw it. The needle, with its plunger pulled out, ready to inject me with whatever horrific medication was contained in its clear vial. My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes.

I stopped screaming as fear paralyzed me. The needle glided towards me and my body shook violently. A whimper escaped my lips and I knew that once the drug entered my bloodstream, I would be brought to the treatment room, only to awake in my quarters later on with James watching me, waiting to kill me, an endeavour he would undoubtedly complete successfully.

That terrifying thought was my last as the sharp point of the needle pierced my skin, causing everything to go black.


	24. Me or Him

**I own nothing. But I do owe MissAlex a massive thank you for still beta'in this hot mess *hugs***

**Chapter Twenty three:**

**Me or Him**

**ALICE**

I forced my eyelids open. However, all I saw was blackness, which my eyes couldn't penetrate. I screwed them closed again, hoping to change the picture. It didn't work. The space around me was still bathed in darkness.

I tried to remember where I was and why my whole body ached. I lay still for what felt like hours but, in truth, it must have only been a few minutes before I attempted to lift my head. I managed to sit up on my elbows without shouting out in pain.

Tears stung my eyes and fear twisted knots in my stomach. I knew one thing for certain: I wasn't in my room. This smelled nothing like the room I shared with Mary. I sniffed at the air, hoping for clues.

The stench of disinfectant and vomit clung to my nostrils. I turned my head to the side, trying to escape the rancid smell, but instantly regretted my decision as a sharp pain stabbed at my forehead.

There wasn't a single crack of light anywhere within the room; it was pitch-black. I slowly pushed up more with my elbows until I sat up straight, and I let out a long, deep breath as the pain increased in my head.

I exhaled a shaky breath and tried to ignore the overwhelming throbbing of my body. Using my hands to feel around, I discovered that I was on a thin mat with a course blanket that sat on the floor.

I slid to the edge of the mattress and then remained still as shearing pain flashed through me.

Pain echoed though my limbs as I crawled on all fours, feeling my way around. Everywhere my hand touched was cold and hard. I was in a small room... with a poor excuse for a bed...

So that meant I was in solitary, or something similar.

Then the reason why I was locked up flooded back to me: I refused to have my electric shock therapy session.

I recalled Laurent, the aides...the needle.

I crawled back onto the mattress, and relaxed. I thought about recent events, hoping to make sense of it all. I didn't know what time it was; nor whether it was night or day, or more importantly, when I would get out of here.

I lay there, listening to my own heavy breathing until I fell asleep.

Without warning, the door opened and I was bathed in light. I shielded my eyes with my hand and peered through my fingers. Something slid along the floor and then the door slammed shut.

I ignored the silent screams of my beat-up body and moved toward the door on my hands and knees, knocking whatever it was across the floor until it crashed into the wall. I didn't care. Instead, my clenched fists found the door.

"Help! Let me out!" I shouted as much as my dry throat allowed. I slammed my fists into the door again and again.

"Open the door! Please, come back," I cried.

I slid down to the ground as my adrenaline decreased and my pain took over.

My wet cheek rested against the door and my stomach rumbled as the smell of food invaded my nostrils. I turned my head, only to see nothing.

I reached out with my flat palms and felt the ground around me. My fingers hit something hard and cold. I used my fingertips to trace the edge of what felt like one of the canteen lunch trays, then after finding the plastic spoon, I ate the lukewarm food like an animal.

I didn't need to see what I was eating to know that it was the same horrid, grey, tasteless slop that the kitchen staff slapped on our trays everyday; the meal that we always complained about but ate anyway. I didn't care what it tasted like. I was starving. But I did note that it tasted stranger than usual.

I kept eating until my stomach couldn't handle any more, and then I pushed the tray away and crawled back onto the mattress.

I wondered how long I had been here and how long I'd been unconscious. Days? Hours?

My vision blurred as I drifted in and out of sleep. I didn't know how long I lay there before I heard a key rattling in the lock. I froze. My breathing labored as fear crept up my spine. The door opened. I wasn't facing it so I only knew by the slight breeze against the base of my neck.

My eyes flew open and my heart raced as I felt the presence of someone kneeling behind me.

A hand was placed on my shoulder, gently squeezing. My brow knotted.

"Alice?"

The hand kneaded my skin…lovingly?

"Jasper?" I turned my head. His gorgeous face and lean physique was half-bathed in shadow as a dim light poured into the room from outside.

He placed his finger to his lips. "Hush," he soothed into my ear. His warm breath caressed my neck and I shivered.

"Alice, listen to me," he continued. "This is important; you have to do as they say. When they come, just agree to what they say, whatever it is. You have to agree, even if you change your mind later. For now, just say yes." His voice sounded hoarse.

I tried to lift myself up using my elbows but he gently guided me back down onto the mattress with his hand.

"I have to go back. I'll be missed if I don't hurry. Promise me that you will do as I said so you can get out of here," he pleaded.

I placed my hand on his forearm. "Yes, I promise," I replied.

I didn't know why he was so insistent. What did he know? Had he been here before? Whatever the reasons, I trusted him.

Jasper pressed his warm mouth against my flushed cheek. Without thinking, I turned my head until his lips brushed mine, and then I cupped his face in my hands, holding him there.

He hesitated at first, but then his lips parted and he deepened our kiss. He pulled me into his arms, and instead of pain, my body was consumed with desire.

I needed more. I pulled him closer and slipped my arm around his neck. I was encased in his lap, held tightly between his chest and knees. I felt safe and secure in his embrace, even though I was trapped in this cold and damp prison.

His lips stopped moving and he lifted his gaze. I could just make out the brightness of his eyes as he stared down at me.

"Alice, I don't know what I'd do without you," he murmured. "Promise me you'll do what they say?" His arm tightened around me, holding me impossibly closer.

"Yes," I vowed.

"Just until you're out of here, and then we can think of a plan," he breathed as his lips pressed to my forehead. His fingers raked my hair, and then abruptly stopped.

"I have to go before they notice I'm gone. I'm sorry that you can't come with me, but I'll see you soon, okay?"

He lay me gently back down onto the mattress. He held my cheek in his palm, pressed his lips to mine, and then he walked out the door before I could protest his departure.

I didn't have the will or the energy to move even though the thin mattress felt uncomfortable. Jasper's scent lingered in the air and I closed my eyes, bathing in its sweetness.

The last thing I remembered before I succumbed to my slumber was Jasper's parting words: _Do as they say._

**JASPER**

The door clicked shut behind me and my eyes watered as they adjusted to the dim lights in the hallway. It was so dark in Alice's cell that even the faintest glow out here was painful to bear

The ancient lights flickered and hummed while I scanned the corridor for aides. Seeing none, I edged along the wall on alert. I always felt nervous when using the key I was given by Liam; the debt still required payment but I had yet to find out what the price was. I pushed the dread about Liam to the back of my mind. I had more pressing issues to deal with first.

I tasted Alice on my lips and thought about our kiss. When I first entered the cell, she seemed worse than I expected; she was lethargic and disorientated. It was as if she was a free flying bird, which was trapped and now slowly fading from the shock of her captivity.

It tugged at my heart to see her like that and I knew that I would kill Laurent if anything ever happened to her. I wasn't sure how to kill a vampire but I would find a way to destroy him.

Alice didn't deserve to be locked in solitary. She'd refused her treatment, but only because she feared for her life.

I clenched my fist. My nails dug into my palms and I hoped that the pain would soothe me. My anger tasted sour at the back of my throat. I swallowed it down; not waiting the taste of Alice to be tainted and washed away.

She had been locked up for three days, and this was the first time that I could get anywhere near her. It was as if Laurent was trying to prove a point by keeping me away from her. The entire block had an unusual amount of aides swarming around, so for awhile, even Liam's key was useless.

I kept my ear to the ground, hoping to link the bits and pieces of information I gathered, but nothing made sense. Laurent and James were working together, of that I was certain. Mary was reporting back to James, and was once, and maybe even still, Laurent's donor. And in the middle of all this, was Alice, _my_ Alice.

My eyes narrowed at the thought of Alice feeling so vulnerable and locked away in the dark. I failed miserably at protecting her, just like I knew I would.

I rounded the corner and came to an abrupt halt as I registered what was ahead. Laurent stood in the corridor. I didn't move as he walked toward me. His lips curled and released a snarl as he stopped inches from me.

"Whitlock," he spat. "Give me one good reason why you're in this block, just one, and I'll let you go on you merry way...unharmed,"

His expression remained unchanged. His eyes were black, which wasn't a good sign. He hadn't fed recently, a fact that scared the shit out of me. I took a step backward, not taking my eyes off him.

My senses came alive as sudden adrenaline rushed through my veins. Laurent's eyebrows arched. He smelled the surge of adrenaline, and from what he told me before, I knew that he loved the taste it injected into the blood of a fresh kill.

I thought about running, but I had nowhere to go; not that I would be able to outrun him anyway. My only hope was that someone else would come along this hallway, offering a distraction. I had to keep him talking or I didn't stand a chance.

The thought of him hurting Alice gave me courage to not give up.

"I don't care what you do to me," I sneered. "Just leave Alice out of it."

The smile on his face spread from ear to ear. "You're too late, Whitlock."

With a lurch, my heart fell to my stomach.

Too late? But I couldn't be too late because I was _jus_t with her.

However, Laurent was impossibly fast, so it was possible that he visited Alice's cell in the time it took me to walk here.

My expression darkened as I mentally prepared to fight him. I didn't stand a chance against him, but it would make me feel a lot better to know that I tried. I had nothing to lose if Alice was dead.

Laurent's playful gaze told me that he was enjoying our heated stand-off and it fuelled my rage.

Ready to attack, I inhaled a large breath. He laughed at me, low and menacing. As quick as a flash, his laughter ceased and he darted forward, his face stopping within inches from mine.

"Do you think you could ever stop me?" he taunted. "Do you think you could outrun me?"

I gulped.

"Don't worry, boy," he chuckled. "I haven't hurt Alice." His tone didn't bring me any relief.

"I don't trust you," I replied.

"Why would I hurt her? Tell me Whitlock," he sneered. "Why would I hurt my future _mate_?"

His words rang in my ears and polluted the air I sucked into my lungs. I flew at him, my snarl holding just as much venom as his. His hand went for my throat, his fingers crushing my windpipe.

My eyes bulged as he threw me back against the wall and continued squeezing. The strength of his hold pushed me up the wall until my feet no longer felt the ground beneath.

"W-why?" I wheezed, using up the remaining air in my lungs.

My throat burned. I watched through a haze as his fangs slid from their secret hiding place until they were fully extended. My eye widened, involuntary spilling the fresh tears that had gathered there.

"It's been awhile," he hissed, the meaning of his words hanging heavily in the air.

Everything around me was losing solidity but I held onto my consciousness. I was vaguely aware of Laurent's face moving toward mine, and I expected something quite different than the feel of the cold tip of his nose pressed against my jaw.

He inhaled long, and deep. "Too long," he whispered.

I sank further into his grip as he leaned in, his eyes hungry, his wet tongue lapping at the droplets of sweat on my neck.

His sharp fangs pierced my skin and I felt two things simultaneously; relief, as old memories came flooding back, and disgust, an emotion much more human.

I shuddered as his fangs slipped into my artery and I realized that I no longer felt the pleasure that I used to when he fed from me. I was no longer a pitiful pawn in his sick game. I was stronger and more important than that. I always was.

With that realization, I fought as best as I could, attempting to force his teeth from their bed beneath my skin.

Laurent's ice-cold hands pressed my shoulders to the wall and I heard my blood seeping down this throat as he sucked and swallowed with desperation.

I felt faint and with this new grip, I couldn't move. Tears of defeat filled my eyes as the vampire's teeth tugged at my artery and my vision grew fuzzy. My legs buckled until I was held up by the vampire's fangs alone.

_Alice_, I thought at that moment.

I couldn't give up and leave her for Laurent. She needed me.

Using all of my remaining strength, I forced my eyelids open. My vision was still blurred but I could just make out the corridor. To my dismay, it was deserted; help wasn't coming.

Determination straightened my spine as I thought about Alice again; my one reason for living.

I lifted my arms, palms facing outward, and I pushed as hard as I could. It was like trying to move a wall; a cold impenetrable wall. Laurent didn't budge.

I took a deep breath and held it, clenching my teeth. A roar thundered from my chest, startling Laurent for only a split second, but enough time for me to bring my knee to his groin. Once again, I used my palms to push his body from mine. His fangs released their grip and I seized my one and only chance to escape.

Ducking under his arm, I ran as fast as I could to the end of the corridor. Only when I heard laughing, did I stop and turn. Laurent hadn't moved. He stood exactly where he had pressed me against the wall, his fangs extended.

His menacing laughter held me still, the sound filling my mind and becoming impossibly louder. Our eyes locked, and I knew. I knew the time for pretending was over. It was life or death; my life and Alice's, or his. One side would not make it out alive.

I tore my eyes from his and continued running along the corridor, Laurent's hallow laughter following close behind. I had only just met Alice, but I knew that I loved her, and I wasn't ready to lose her, not now, not ever.

**A/N I finish college in 3 weeks so updates will be posted more regularly once it's over :) Sorry for the delay and the lame excuses, and THANK YOU if you have stuck with this 3**


	25. The Powers That Be

**A/N _Thank you to my wonderful beta MissAlex for continuing to stick with this even though I've barely updated :)_**

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**Chapter 24 **

** The Powers That Be**

**Laurent**

I let him go. I let him scurry away scared; scared but alive.

The boy didn't understand that he was already as good as dead. By my hand or James', it didn't matter. Although if my plan went smoothly, it would be death by James as I'd be too busy with Alice.

A smile curled my lips.

Alice. My sweet, sweet Alice. James was wrong to want her. She was mine. I'd seen her first.

I watched as lunch disappeared around the corner. No matter, I'd had enough for now. The boy's blood was no loss, it had never really sung to me as Alice's did, but now wasn't time to play cat and mouse. I had to see James.

Inhaling deeply, I let the remnants of the boy swirl from around my nostrils to the back of my throat. My eyes fluttered in ecstasy. It may not sing, but it still tasted divine.

I pushed away from the wall with my elbows, letting my long, confidant stride carry me down the corridor.

No more games. It was time to claim what was mine.

Making my way quickly to the basement, I silently went over my plan before burying it deep in the back of my mind; it would do me no good to let James smell my deceit so soon. He didn't really want her. He only wanted her because I wanted her. The fact that I'd claimed her as my mate, that she belonged to me, made him want her even more. He got off on the hunt. To him, it was a game, a dangerous one for us both. I tried to let him think he could have her, hoping that by letting him believe she was nothing to me, he would become disinterested in her. But no, he knew. He could smell my want, and he wanted her all the more because of it.

Disgust tasted bitter in my mouth. He already had a mate. It was my turn... and she would be mine.

He was sitting on the mattress with Mary crouched between his thighs when I rounded the corner. His eyes burnt red as they flicked away from her neck to greet me. I let him finish his meal, settling myself on the stool across the room. I propped my feet onto the boxes in front of me and waited.

I heard a satisfied snarl as James pushed Mary away and stood up. In two strides he was across the room, our eyes locked as he sat on the stool opposite me.

"Well?" he demanded. My eyes acknowledged Mary, who lay motionless on the floor. "Don't worry so, Laurent. I merely took a little more than I should have." He dismissed the girl with a nod of his head and swiped his hand over his mouth, removing the remains of dark liquid from his bottom lip.

"Well?" he repeated. His eyes bore into mine. He cocked his head to the side, "Laurent," he said, putting the correct accent to my name. "Don't have me beg." His ruby red eyes shone with twisted merriment as I cleared my throat.

"I want her a little while longer. She's such a pretty little thing." I let out a listless sigh. I knew that this would start a chain of events that there would be no going back from.

He was getting impatient and I doubted I could keep Alice for myself much longer. I was lucky he liked to play these silly power games. We'd played this before, many, many years ago before we became a coven, and him the master of it.

I swallowed, biting back my eagerness. "You have no need for her yet. Let me toy with her a little more before you end her life." I lowered my gaze, a subtle sign of submission although I could hardly bear it.

Slowly, slowly catch the monkey.

"You shouldn't play me so, Laurent." His voice was firm but his eyes still shone. "You can't keep her... but you can loan her awhile." His gaze didn't leave mine. He was waiting, shoulders hunched and ears pulled back. Ready.

"…and in return?" I questioned. With James there was always a price.

"The fact that you'll owe me is payment enough." He sighed heavily and stood up. "You have a few weeks then we're leaving. I'm bored. This _not_ killing the humans affects me greatly." He shook his head wildly, rubbing his hands over his face.

I raised an eyebrow. "Indeed it does."

"Leave and take Mary with you," James instructed. "Victoria will be back shortly and I could do without the headache." And with that I was dismissed.

Victoria. She'd been mine too, but James had wanted what wasn't his to have. But not this time. This time victory would be mine.

I hid my excitement with a sigh and swallowed down the hunger that suddenly burnt my throat. I'd be glad to leave this place. I'd seen enough crazy to last me two lifetimes. It was a shame I couldn't leave the craziest of them all behind.

I walked over to where Mary remained sprawled out on the floor. The burn intensified as the slow steady rhythm of her heart caught me in its web.

I hesitated. I only needed a quick bite. I'd had a sip from the boy but not enough to kill the hunger. Glimpsing James' puncher marks, I rolled my eyes. It was always the neck. James hated hiding; the neck was a show of his defiance.

Sitting down on the old couch, I pulled her limp body toward me. Slowly, I pushed down her tee-shirt, my fingers gently grazing the taut skin of her neck. My fangs extended and sank smoothly into the flesh of her shoulder. My eyes closed. I took two pulls then let the thick red goodness slip down my throat before opening them again. James' laughter ricocheted off the walls as I pushed her from me. I took her by the scruff of her neck, and then exited the basement. I disposed of Mary not long after. She was awake but docile and quiet. It was one of the reasons she'd survived so long. She knew how to play dead.

Without having to worry about James, I returned to the seclusion block to see Alice. I was glad of the boy's distraction, otherwise I may have shown my hand too soon. As it was, Alice was now mine for the taking.


End file.
